My husband is 15 years older than me. Some say I got myself another daddy. One thing I do know is my husband loves me. He works 50-60 hours a week to make sure he provides for his family. Since I have not been in the workforce in what seems like forever, I'm not very understanding when it comes to needing my time. I used to expect him to work 10 hours a day and then still come home and do everything I had on my to-do list for him.
I was tired of him not listening to me about our money problems. I was tired of him not listening about my schoolwork. I felt like he was ignoring me. I'm the one at home cooking, cleaning, and taking care of his kids. He was raised in a household where his grandfather worked outside of the home and his grandmother was at home. My hubby wanted the same for me. I decided to stay at home for him. I felt the least he could do was listen to me when I had something to say. It wasn't until our son brought it to my attention that there was a problem.
I realized that my husband was not the problem. It was me. I complained about how he worked too much, did not take enough time out for the kids, how we didn't have any money, but I never told him thank you. I know going to work at 5 am and not getting off until 5 pm is not easy. I never said thank you for all you do for this family. I was taking him for granted.
What do I do differently now?
- I get up from whatever I am doing to greet him when he gets off work.
- I ask him when he gets home if he would like his plate now.
- give him 45 minutes to an hour to relax after a long day. I keep the kids out of his way as well.
- I am sure to ask him about his day. If he says he is tired, I know it was a long day. If he says it was okay, it's okay to ask him to do what I need him to do.
- We have a weekly family meeting--this is my time to let it all out!
Sometimes you are the problem. You have to take control to change what you don't like. He is my husband and I want this to work. I changed what wasn't working into something that worked.
About the Author:
Kanesha Vance lives in Oklahoma with her husband and one-year-old son. She loves to speak on parenting, marriage, school, but most of all MONEY. She is a full-time stay at home mom, who blogs about her journey through life. Please check her out and read her at MoneyMattersMama.com