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Here I Go Again...

So I've tried this blog thing a couple times before. Three years ago I was angry, then excited, but frightened out of my mind over the birth of my daughter. I wasn't married and from time to time not even sure I liked my girlfriend. My blog was a collection of angry, fantastic ramblings with several references to God and lots of photos from my vacations that year. That was a good year. I was scared, but I was living.

I tried again last year with my wedding website. There was a page for blogging so I blogged and my anger bubbled up in thinking there wasn't enough money for this ceremony I was having in Barbados. But after a lot of arguing, much prayer and some savvy financial management we (my wife and I, the mother of my child) pulled it off. But again, I left behind these sullen, sad and sometimes hopeless words for all the world (or whoever was visiting) to see.

So now the smoke has cleared and everything that was "wrong" has passed. Now I'm just livin' in NYC, juggling my dreams, my job, my responsibilities, my love and my own wants. Everyday my daughter teaches me how to be happy (somewhere I unlearned this) and because of her and her brother, a lanky 12 year old and my wife, I now dream bigger than I ever have because I'm no longer dreaming for just me.

I'm a Manchild in the Promised Land, uncertain of what I thought the promise of NYC was when I arrived here over a decade ago from Chicago. But I am determined to be happy, determined to succeed on my terms, and determined to see my kids have the same things I had, even though when I grew up, my parents had more than I do now when they were my age (or they did a very good job of not showing otherwise). I don't even believe their is a Promised Land anymore, the beneficiaries of that contract are long dead. But there can be Promise in every breath, in every word, and every action taken. Promise is where I now reside and intend to stay.

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