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5 Ways To Show Your Wife You Love Her

I wish I could say I'm the most doting of husbands, but I'm not. In fact, I've often confused being hardworking and the former as being one in the same. Based on my love of my kids I've even gone so far, after bending over backwards for them, as to take a self-celebratory bow in front of the wife as if to say, "Ta da!" For the longest this has fallen flat. Her being nonplussed has often infuriated me. Which of course has only made matters worse.

Adding to my missteps is my wife's fierce independence. I am guilty of misreading her cues --- which is sometimes silence --- and have at times believed she is in need of nothing. What a disaster! I'm no mind reader but I do have a functioning brain. I should've known better. Tucked away in my file are some spectacular birthday and special occasion fiascoes that I own 100%. But part of being a man is understanding your mistakes, taking accountability for them and ensuring you do what it takes to prevent or mitigate the possibility of repeat offenses.

If I've learned anything about being a husband I've learned that the quieter your wife is the more you are boiling in hot water. It's typically a slow boil you don't initially notice. Most of us men figure if she ain't talking then all must be fine because if she is talking she's complaining. But if you think about it for more than thirty seconds how is your wife not speaking to a ever a good thing? Is this something you honestly want in a marriage? No good comes from extended silence between two people living under the same roof and claiming to be in love. Another thing to consider: while you are enjoying your "peace" all kinds of wild thoughts about you are probably taking root in her mind. Take it from someone who knows. Your peace will only be temporary. Don't join the ranks of men who can't figure out what happened and just write the former lady of their dreams off with the B-word. Be on alert for the signs. It may be hard, but love is an action. You chose to get married. You chose to have those kids. Choose to stay out of trouble and keep the fire going rather than being in it. Check out this list of things to do to show your wife you love her:

  1. Do something (without being asked or seeking recognition) for your wife that she normally does. This could be the laundry; putting the kids to bed; organizing her closet; cooking dinner; buying groceries, etc. Whatever it is, do it and do it more than once a season. Apply the team mentality to your marriage. If your teammate is becoming overwhelmed do you leave him to get demo'd by the other team? Your answer here should be, "No."
  2. Even if you don't take her for granted, and you know she knows this, get in the habit of saying, "Thank you," to your wife for the little things she does specifically for you. If you're not good with the words on the fly. Write a little sticky and slap it on the bathroom mirror and make sure you sign it so she won't think it's one of the kids or the dog.
  3. Out of the 10 action movies you plan to watch this year throw a couple chick flicks, or whatever movies she likes, into the mix. The mother of your children doesn't air a complaint when having to round up the kids to go see EVERYTHING Disney and Pixar cooks up for the year. And though she may shake her head when myyour eyes glaze over during an Iron Man or Dark Knight movie trailer, she's right there on line to with you to go see it. Yes, she may focus on the unimportant stuff, referring to Robert Downey, Jr., Chris Hemsworth, and Christian Bale as eye candy, but she's going because she knows it's what you want to see. Find out what she wants to see and show her the same courtesy.
  4. Take your wife out on a date AT LEAST ONCE A MONTH, but more often if possible. By date, I mean something she actually wants to do and something that will make her feel special and cared for. And when you are out to dinner, at the park or wherever TALK TO HER. Ask her how she is doing. Ask her about work, her goals, her plans, ideas for vacations, etc. Ask a lot of questions and ask more, without judgment, based on what she says to you. Please, let her do most of the talking. And because this isn't about you don't go into this expecting her to ask you just as many questions back and don't get upset if she doesn't, at least not the first couple times. This is a bridge-building activity, not a bridge-burning one. Approach your dates with your wife with the same vigor you did when you were actually dating. You wanted to make her feel special. You can't do that if you make it about you. If you didn't have any vigor back then, please get some now.
  5. Last and quite possibly most important, when it comes to doing anything with the wife, please show up on time. No calls to say you'll be late, no excuses once you get there, just show up on time. Nothing screams "you don't matter!" to a woman like making her wait. In fact don't show up on time make sure you're a couple minutes early. You'll always be taken seriously when you're on time.

Read: How To Inspire The Dad In Your Life To Be His Best All Year Long

Stick to this short list and you will most certainly avoid trouble. If you're already in trouble, hopefully this will help you climb out. Let me know if any of this sounds familiar and your man-wife/Mars-Venus moments. I'd love to hear from you in the comments below.

Thanks for reading! Follow me on Twitter at @EPayneTheDad.

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