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Investing In An Emotional Letdown

As told to me during a conversation with a beautiful, proud and successful woman...

On Monday He called her up at work to make plans for Friday --- a dinner date.

got very excited and began planning from the moment they hung up.

On Tuesday, She plans out her outfit: shoes, nails, and begins deciding what is She going to do with her hair by Friday.
Piggy Photo By EPayne
On Wednesday, She's skipping lunch to go to the mall (maybe not even the one near her job) to pick up something to wear maybe a new top, maybe an accessory or two and of course new shoes...

I interject: "And you've got to call your girlfriends to let them know you're going out."

She counters: "Honey, I did that as soon as I got off the phone with Him on Monday."

I decide to remain silent for the remainder of the lecture.

Wednesday comes and goes in a blur and Thursday is oddly quiet.

Because She has high hopes for Friday she calls on Thursday night just to make sure things are still set --- just to be on the safe side. Most wait until the day of...

He doesn't really recall making plans for Friday, or at least not serious ones. Something else has come up, maybe His money isn't right. Who knows? Either way it's not going to happen and He's hardly contrite about it, not to the degree that she would expect considering She's been anticipating spending time with Him all week.

She becomes "emotional."

He now insists it's no big deal. It's just dinner. They can go any day, another day, another time.

Now She's angry and saying things She normally wouldn't say to someone She really likes and really wants to spend time with. She's cursing too.

He says, "You see that's why I can't deal with you...you gotta make a big deal out of everything." He goes on to admonish her for Her attitude and Her mouth.

But He doesn't know about the week She spent investing in the few hours she expected to have with
Him away from the hustle and bustle of the work week --- the rat race that keeps most of us prisoners, the worry and anxiety of bills and the unknown impending future or whatever it may be. It was to be time well spent, spending it with Him.

For Him, it's just dinner.

Then She tells me, remaining ever so cool and collected but now with fire in her eyes, "Then We [women] get slammed for being "emotional" (she puts up her index and middle fingers of both hands to mimic quotation marks), especially Black Women, and so many of us are stupid enough to accept the blame for something you've (men) caused. And you all go on about your business and move on while we're sitting around somewhere blaming ourselves for being this way.

I sit there with my mouth hanging open. In a flash, I remember at least 6 times I've done the same thing.

And then the light bulb lights up so bright above my head it explodes.

I tell her: "What you're speaking of is an emotional investment versus just being emotionally reactive."

"Preach," She responds, seeing that I've turned to the Page that she is on.

I continue: "So you guys get 'emotional' after investing your emotions into something and being disappointed...you're investing in an emotional [I pause to find the words] letdown. And no man would ever invest money into something and remain calm when they lose money, so why should women be any different when it comes to their investments?"

"You are so lucky I'm not charging for this session," She said with a smile.

I laugh, but I'm not sure she is completely joking. I instantly feel the levity and the power that comes with enlightenment. In less than fifteen minutes a complete stranger I met at a networking event gave me the keys to understanding nearly every other woman walking the face of the Earth and specifically, my wife.

A day or so later on my wedding anniversary I confidently apologized to my wife for all the times I have been the guy described above. This time, I actually knew what I was apologizing for and my She actually knew it was sincere.

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