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I'm Goin' Have My Evening, Dammit!

My daughter is quite the actress. She has been for as long as I can remember. She makes you laugh, she dances for you, she sings, she acts out the ideas going on in her little head.

As with most things, there's an ugly side to this as well. She is rude, nasty, loud and outrageous when she doesn't get her way. She knows I'm completely wrapped around her finger and wear my love for her on my sleeve, but mistakenly believes she can get away with murder with me as I'm told so many girls do with Dear Old Dad.

Other than being allowed to breathe, I never got my way as a child. And when I acted out I was beaten with everything from 2x4 boards, books, backhands and rolled up newspapers. If my parents were parents today (my father specifically) they'd be under a jail.

As a result this daddy doesn't play, at all.

My baby loves to put on shows when no one is around. Some have been so spectacularly awful my wife sometimes believes I'm exaggerating.

Right now is one of these times.

After picking baby girl up on her first full day back in New York, she threw a temper tantrum to end all tantrums because she wanted to play rather than eat.

"But you can play after you eat, baby," I said.

"Nooo. Noooo. NOOOO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" This was followed by a bunch of gibberish, stomping, thrashing and rolling around on the floor. Initially, I tried to reason with her and then I became slightly perturbed, but I calmed down quickly. She is a baby, after all. I only got physical when I dragged her screaming out of the front windows. It wasn't safe for her and I didn't want the neighborhood to think I was torturing her when I wasn't.

She screamed and cried for forty-five minutes straight. In the midst of this she asked me to change her into her pjs, asked to go to bed, asked for a bottle, and begged me to make mommy appear out of thin air. I switched out of my work clothes into a pair of basketball shorts, turned on the computer and started typing. I'm a dad, I'm a husband, but I'm a man that's got ish to do, especially now that I'm contemplating a move. Normally I'd sit with her and in a snap it'd be time to go to bed. But not tonight. I'm going to have the evening I planned to have when I left work --- a relaxing evening spent catching up on my Netflix rentals while plotting out my short-term future.

The baby has come out of her exorcism, my wife has arrived, and the cat has stopped screeching for about 30 seconds (her days here are numbered, I pray). All has begun to normalize, but she still hasn't eaten. Hopefully before I go to bed, she will.

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