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We Made It!

Here I am in real time, 2:35 am. I have somewhere to be in less than 3 hours and I can't sleep. I'm alone in a room with my God contemplating everything.

I was doing the exact same thing at nearly the exact same time exactly 365 days ago. The only difference between now and then was that then I was in paradise listening to the beat of Atlantic against the shore outside my open-air terrace. I was wondering why only 3 of my friends came out to Barbados for my wedding when I had been to nearly every wedding I'd ever been invited to, no matter how far away. I was wondering how I was even going to make it to 4 pm (when the ceremony began) based on the night before. Fights had broken out everywhere between everyone and everyone else --- Bridezillas could've taped an entire season off the night before my wedding. It was embarrassing and infuriating. I wasn't even related to anyone fighting. The whole thing was so ridiculous that by the time I cleared the smoke (emptying my wallet to put everyone in cabs back to their hotel rooms) there was no one to talk to, no one to host my bachelor party, no one to even give me any advice about the path I was getting ready to walk (my father included). The steps leading up to my marriage were probably the loneliest I've ever taken and a small part of me still hates the former friends who showed their true colors and went AWOL on me. One friend who was in the party never booked his flight, and a former best friend (also in the party) left me a note via the front desk of my resort that he wasn't showing up 2 days before the ceremony. I mean really, WTF? I was up very late talking to my God and woke up with the sun. I went for a swim in the Atlantic and with no one on the beach and virtually no waves I was able to float. I looked up into the heavens and began to cry. Not because I was scared, but because I didn't know what to do.

In the end I didn't have to know anything. Everything that led up to the wedding had been in our hands, but the wedding and the festivities that followed had God's Hands all over them.

I won't be able to spend much time with my wife today because I have to work a 14-hour day. Because I had to work 10-hour days all last week, I didn't have the chance to get the gift I wanted to give to her. Work has become a psychosomatic event for me. The thought of it literally turns my stomach. And like last year, a recent fight between my wife and a family member has threatened to derail the happiness and reflection we should be indulging in.

But I'm brushing all that dirt off my shoulder and casting all my worry to the side.

I'm leaving it in God's Hands. Just like I did last year.

To my wife: I love you! We made it 12-months and haven't killed each other (or even tried)!

To my kids: I love you, I love you, I love you. Period!

To all my family who was in Barbados on October 6th 2007: You own part of my heart.

I have no friends to address because although I was only related to three people in attendance by the time it was all over everyone was family. Even my photographer.

Speaking of photographs...take a few minutes right now and soak up some paradise.

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