A Reversal Without Regret

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Barack Obama has been President-Elect for the past few days now and I still can't get anywhere on time. I was mostly late to work last week. For unGodly reasons that were out of my control I had to work late on Friday night, I got home incredibly late that evening because the trains hate me, and I overslept this morning and missed out on getting myself and my family off to church.

Over these same few days my thinking has and continues to undergo a transformation of sorts, of which the results are something which I'm not sure of yet.

Bits and pieces are coming to me in the middle of the day, first thing in the morning, while listening to a song, sitting on the toilet...you get the idea.

One thing my mind has visited in these days is the skirmish I had with my wife over the summer. Those of you who were on the blog at the time know it was about my wife's decision to ship my daughter off to my parents for the summer without even trying to discuss it with me. For all the gory/pointless details, click here.

What I can say right here and now is that I wish I hadn't resorted to anger. I was disappointed to the point of devastated that my wife didn't feel she could talk to me about this, but that's where it should have stayed. It was on me to flesh it out, seek out the problems and get to the answers and fix it so it wouldn't return. Instead, I chose to go ballastic --- educated, articulate and grown --- I allowed myself to be consumed with my anger and purposely stretched what should've been a long and insightful dialogue into a month-long conflict.

I could've used that energy in so many different ways. As I just said, I could've gotten to the root of the problem or found other ways if I couldn't do it myself, I could've prayed on it, I could've done some pushups, but I splashed it out here and walked a very thin line stopping just short of making a mockery out of my wife and my nascent marriage.

If I've learned anything over the past few days I've learned that I'm better than what I've been. Raised to know better and experienced enough to do better. I can't speak on "If I had it to do all over again I would've..." I'm no witch so I can't repredict the past.

I just wish I had done better because I am better.