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My Fight With the Tooth Fairy

Tooth Zombie Pillow

Two Fridays ago the Tooth Fairy paid me a visit

But I'm grown, so of course, I wasn't with it.

She was pretty with long hair and these eerie light eyes.

She spoke with an accent and her voice had a smile.

She told her assistant to take a mold of this one particular tooth

In it was my very first cavity, discovered well beyond my youth.

But this one tooth, the only one of it's kind,

Has gotten worse and worse and become a thorn in my side.

I didn't know anything was wrong, you see very little hurts me,

But my tooth fairy said, "You haven't noticed it turning gray? Look, see?"

And so I relented and I gave up my fight,

I came back a week later, pissed off and tight.

They strapped me down and made me watch Madagascar 2

They shot me up with Novocaine and hammered away at that tooth,

And hammer they did, so ungodly and inhumane,

Surely man could invent something better than this --- this is insane!

I laughed at the lion, the giraffe, Chris Rock and Moto Moto,

I wondered quietly, "Is there anything left, or is my tooth gone in total?"

My tooth fairy, so sweet, so fair and so vicious,

Told me she was done and leaving me with her assistant.

I refused to move my tongue to feel the contours of the stump,

Then she stuffed my mouth with nasty gum and I drooled and drooled and drooled.

Dignity be damned, dignity be gone I wondered how much longer,

I did not want to hang on.

I couldn't feel the left side of my face,

And from the sounds of it my tooth had been disgraced.

But one, two, three, and few quick presses and a snap,

I had a brand new tooth called a temporary as a matter of fact.

Hollywood, here I come, I believe I just got my first veneer.

And 2 weeks from now it will be permanent, made of porcelain, I hear.

I walked out of the office violated and handled,

My tooth fairy waved goodbye, winked and smiled at me in shambles.

And I thought to myself...That monster is kinda fine.

Photo Source: Flickr

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