Friday

Why I Do Pull-Ups

Last week's insanity and one of the many reasons why I was absent on the blog...

For reasons that don't need to be discussed here I locked myself out of my home for the first time ever! Did I call the locksmith? No. Did I have the good sense to have a spare hidden somewhere? No. Did I make sure a neighbor had a key? No. But I did manage to enlist the help of neighbor, Olympic hurdler, Kim Batten, who suggests I borrow a ladder from someone.

I go from house to house until another neighbor answers and lends me his 12-foot ladder. I go to the back of my 3 story townhome hoping the windows on the back deck are unlocked - they aren't (good job family, seriously). My helper and 911-dialer Kim Batten holds the ladder steady a good five feet beneath the 1st floor deck. I look for a place to grab without getting a fistful of splinters and pull myself up onto the deck using only the deck slats. Then I'm trapped on the deck as everything is locked. But I see that my son's window is open. In a moment of crazed inspiration I instruct my assistant to hoist the ladder up to me. I decide to climb through the 3rd floor window. The only problem: the ladder doesn't reach but I am able to stretch from the top of the ladder (the part where you aren't supposed to stand) to pop the screen out. I drop the screen to the deck beneath me, say a quick prayer and jump to grab hold of the window ledge. Now hanging out of my sons window, legs dangling, more growling than breathing, I center myself, calm down and tell the gods I'm not dying today...

With nothing but my hands and arms I pull myself through my son's open window and pour myself into his room. I stand completely covered with dirt and dust, legs scratched to hell (I was wearing shorts) from dragging myself against the house and swollen as I don't know what from may have been the toughest real-world workout I've ever had in my life. Yeah, I'm one of those dudes who doesn't ask for directions when I'm lost either. Moral of the story: Have a set a spare keys at a neighbor's house (get to know your neighbors) and thank God I've been doing pull-ups for the past month at the gym.

Now everyone has keys to my home and as far as I'm concerned the pull-up is the exercise of the gods.

Bye Bye Backfat!

Photo Credit: United States Marine Corps Official Page

E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and DAD: As Easy As A, B, C! (coming soon). For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.