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MakesMeWannaHoller.com Turns 5

Kind of like a child, five snuck up on me pretty quickly. But unlike a child, my blog doesn't sit around reminding me how old it will be or badger me with a never ending list of gifts it wants for turning one year older. But it might be kind of cool if it did, because I simply can't remember much of my life before my wife and kids.

Five years ago today I wrote my first post here at Makes Me Wanna Holler. Back then it was called Manchild In The Promised Land and it had a very hard to remember web address. I wasn't writing about being a father or a husband. Instead I was concealing, via thoughtful blog posts how much I hated my commute, how lost and scared I felt marching into older adulthood and maybe most importantly how alone I felt in the world as an adult only child, a man who's friendships had succumbed to the busyness of marriages and family life and in one instance just an inexplicable departure of a friend. Looking back on these five years I know my wife didn't pick up on this or if she did, she mistook it for something else, assigning other names to my fears and my lack of expertise in dealing with them: selfishness and self-centeredness. I told the world I was writing to get a book deal, but I know better now. I needed someone to listen, even if it, my blog, said nothing back.

This blog very quickly evolved into a self-study of me that all of you, well seventeen of you back then  --- that I emailed whenever I wrote something, just happened to be privy to. You grew with me as this thing, this user-interface I've been opening up almost daily, was my couch and counselor helping me grow strong, to understand myself so that I can understand and speak to others. It has become my silent trainer, turning me into a writer I never dreamed I was capable of being. It has been my loudest advocate telling the world "Come look at this guy! Work with him!" It is my platform. Like Kevin Hart, who I recently saw in concert, it's my stage where I've got fire and I hold court, when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm waxing philosophical and when I'm angry. And in the last two years it has become what I always wanted it to be but could never truly share ---- a creator of opportunities. I've been laughed at. I've been branded a fool and a man without a plan because why would anyone dedicate so much time to something --- an alleged hobby --- that on it's face doesn't appear to be doing anything more than gaining me a self-serving crowd of Internet groupies --- male and female? Because first, it was never a hobby and second, somehow I knew without knowing that some good would come of all this. And my groupies aren't groupies at all, but people who just happen to need a good word from time to time. I think. I am humbled that they seek me for it.

After five years of me pouring words into this blog, this blog has begun to speak, no, shout, for itself. In the last month it has even taken on the role of provider. It is my testament that a man can try, and keep trying, and keep trying, develop a love and appreciation for the journey --- even during the worst of times --- and start getting it right. It is my love letter to my kids. It is my owner's manual on adult manhood for my son. It is my guidebook for my daughter on how a man should treat a woman and some insight on understanding him so she maybe won't be so quick to judge when dealing with someone she loves and worse, act on those judgments. It is proof to my wife that I've always put the needs of my family and her needs, first. I had a master plan or the Master had a plan that not even I believed totally.

I can't say that  MMWH.com will see ten. If I'm still writing the same old same old for ten years straight then I'm doing something wrong. Eventually both my kids will be gone and even if I have another one, you all know what I'm going to do. Maybe in six years you'll be watching the Makes Me Wanna Holler Show or made for TV movie or webisodes. I don't know. I haven't gotten there yet. Or have I?

I'm glad I heeded the heavenly nudge to continue this on the oh so many days when I just wanted to quit. What I can say is, "Happy Birthday" to my therapist, my testimony, my trainer, my advocate, my platform, my door-opener, my virtual baby, my friend, my blog. I can also say, "Thank you!" for it has truly been a blessing.

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