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Sins of The Father

Not to get biblical on you but...

Several years ago, when a friend of mine was a new husband, he worked very hard to be faithful. It wasn't that he was chasing tail every chance he got, but his father did when he was growing up. My friend was hyper-vigilant to break the cycle/curse that wreaked havoc on his childhood. And he's been fine the entire time I've known him to be married, which should be close to 12 or 13 years and counting.

My issue is of a different nature, but I do believe it to be my father's. Growing up my mother and father argued over a lot as I grew up. The outcome was that my father considered my mother to be wrong most of the time. I learned to hate arguing and confrontations in general as a result of this. And to this day I do my best to avoid conflict. At the end of the day, my father is a great man, a great dad, a great educator and a wonderful provider, but I'm not so sure he is or ever has been the best or even nicest husband he could and can be, when tested. But he definitely needs my mom. Without her he'd probably be siting on a porch somewhere cursing at people walking down the street.

Lately, I've begun to wonder about myself. Today was my son's first day of school. He was up, out and gone, barely giving us the chance to say goodbye and wish him well. The baby's needs are filled, and regardless of what we want, we are in need of nothing. The machine at home has become well-oiled and almost automatic. I've been thinking everything is fine. But, maybe not.

My wife believes that I believe I'm never wrong because when wrong I defend my actions even though I think I'm just explaining them. This annoys her to no end. The truth is that it's not about right or wrong for me because I can honestly say, most times, I go into things almost stupidly unaware that I am wrong, which is why I do so much 'splaining. For me it's not about being right or wrong, but rather just pointing out my point of view ('splaining myself). But sometimes while listening to myself during these moments, I hear my father's words, almost as if I'm channeling him who is channeling my grandfather --- a fearsome post-Civil War African American who ruled harshly over his wife and 9 kids. This realization is very disturbing for me. Maybe I'm good at all the family stuff, but maybe I'm not such a good husband either. And this is where I'll end.

I don't expect anyone to confess in the Holler Backs what generational sins or curses they feel have been heaped at their feet. But at least think about it. Do you have any? Have you done anything to address/them?

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