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If There is a Recession...

no one in my house knows about it.

  • On Wednesday, my wife snuck in the house with a bag filled with shoes, saying "I got them at a sample sale." Essentially stating that because they were on sale they deserved to be bought.
  • My son ran up my cell phone bill downloading ringtones off the Internet from his phone. I've told him at least 23 times that if he does it from the computer, it is free. I'm debating splitting that portion of the bill with him, strangling him or tossing his Wii down a flight of stairs. I'm not sure which will make me happiest.
  • My son and his evil twin cousin from down south bought an entire season of the Boondocks (a show neither of them should be watching in the first place) in order to watch it on the computer during the Thanksgiving holiday. I only found this out today when I went to pay my credit card bill.
  • Over the past two weekends my wife has insisted on eating out with the family at bland, casual dining establishments where we've gotten zero service and awful food. We've spent embarrassing amounts of money on crap that gave me gas. Crap in crap out.
  • Everyday my little princess asks me for a "Dora Toy." Yesterday I came home late and she asked me, "Daddy, what did you bring me?"
  • The second I mention any belt tightening, they all give me blank stares, except for my baby who tells me, "Stop it, Daddy!"
I feel like I'm swimming in quicksand.

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