Gettin' Bitchy

It has always surprised me and I consider myself blessed that I haven't been attacked for anything that I write (except one instance on AOL Black Voices) as I don't believe this is something I am built to handle. I don't do well with confrontation.

September 2009 has come and gone. I went into it knowing that I might lose a reader or two or at the very least leave them scratching their heads. I wrote a total of sixteen (16) posts for the month, down from my usual twenty (20), and out of that total, four (4) of them were less than positive. Please also keep in mind that these 4 posts which all were published over a 30-day span belong to a body of work that now has reached a total 360 posts: exactly 1.1% of my posts on this blog. It was something I was very wary of doing. I debated it for many days before diving in. But I did it fully prepared for the fallout and consequences. I shined a light on my imperfect side. Not that I have a side that's perfect, but what I did was share my gripes, my insecurities and frustrations.

Why?

Because this is my blog and I can do whatever I want. Honestly. But way above this base reason I wanted to show that despite all the positivity and love I've tried to promote as a not-so-new family man, I'm very much made out of flesh and blood, my thinking can go South, there are things I don't like, they aren't funny and can't be spun to be read as funny, and some of them actually arise out of my house. As of late several men who typically have not commented here have reached out to me to share their frustrations with me, by email, Facebook or a comment or two here and there. I don't know them. I don't know if they're right for how they feel, but it was nice to know that I connected with the guys who aren't so sure about being husbands, who are struggling with being dads, who may not have their ish straight. And several women let me know the same via their comments. With these 4 posts I let them know they aren't alone and I learned I wasn't either. Besides, who in 2009 wants to be alone? I'm sure plenty of people do, but you get my drift.

For whatever reason, I thought it was my duty to be transparent whatever the fallout might be, here on this blog and in my home. And there was fallout.

My point is that I went into September with every intention on being transparent about me because I was beginning to feel a little silly writing about the usual stuff I write about here with so much else weighing on my mind. It was giving me writer's block, for starters. So I wrote out what had my soul in knots. Even though it's here for all the Net to see, this is a journal of my comings and goings, my hopes, dreams, sorrows and fears. Something that maybe one day my children can see and read through as a cheat sheet and a testimony of my love for them and their mother, and also a journal about their dad --- who I am as a human being navigating real human problems --- sometimes well, sometimes not so well. And then of course, there's plenty of stuff that will never see the light of day.

For the people who don't know me from a can of paint, I hope that even in the midst of my bitching I was able to shine a light on something for you. Even if that light was, I don't need to be bitchin' like this guy! For the friends and MMWH followers who saw through the layers of text in these 4 particular posts; felt the pain, saw that clearly I needed to vent and/or someone to help make sense of my mess, to tell me it really isn't all that bad because we humans do have a tendency to make more of what is there and what isn't there (not dismissing anything I've written) and reached out to me directly in the comments (namely Damon who succinctly told me to "Shake it off.") or shot me emails with words and videos of inspiration or made calls of concern (primarily married folk who've been married a whole hell of a lot longer than I have and understand that this marriage thing is a journey of peaks and valleys no matter who's right or wrong) I appreciate you more than you'll ever know. And for those of you out there who I have a pretty strong sense read my posts and saw a man merely bitching and moaning even to the point of being ungrateful...well, you're entitled to your opinion too, as you have stated it either directly or indirectly to me.

When it was all said and done, September was a mixed bag of results. Despite or because of these 4 posts along with the other 12 I published for the month, my visits dropped by 6% but my new subscribers/readers/followers increased by nearly 6%. Go figure.

Thanks for reading! This month, Makes Me Wanna Holler is going to experience a revamp, or a re-formatting to put it best. An idea came to me the other night and I hope you all will like it. If you don't please let me know. Constructive criticism is something I can take.

Stay tuned.

Photo Credit 1: Flickr

Photo Credit 2: Flickr

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