I'm a man, a father, a husband. In that order. Not by priority, but chronology. There was a time I really, really, really, really wanted to succeed as a full time blogger. Why not? It was a marriage of so many things I enjoyed - writing, technology, creativity, and of course unknown opportunity. And man, did I go in. I did everything back then that everyone now is calling one-to-one consumer engagement. I experimented with Twitter until I finally got it. I toiled and tooled around on Facebook until I got it. Pinterest, Google+ (yes that too) and LinkedIn. Even Friendster, just to get really real with you. And the better I got at promoting myself - my products (writing and my particular brand of storytelling) - the more positive responses I began to get. And by no means do I have the followings of some of my peers in the game but by myself I have more followers across social media than many of the companies I've worked for. And if I don't, I connect with my fans without effort. There is no strategy, no management, no analytics. It's just me and my people. Of course there is, but it comes naturally to me.

And here's where everything went screwy. So here's the deal, full disclosure, EPayneTheDad has, for many years, been in pursuit of meaning, self, identity, purpose and reason for being. It has angered me, frustrated me and many days left me depressed, unable to function, relate or be any good to the people who depended on me at the time. But all the while I was promoting myself in an effort to get ahead, pull even with my wife, find acceptance somewhere where acceptance has been just out of grasp for as long as I can remember, first grade to be exact. And where I wasn't looking for it, I found it - acceptance. From the sea of avatars that populate social media that have over time seconded my mellifluous musings here on this blog and anywhere else. Being just as human as anyone else the affirmation from the nebula of the Internet triggered my ego and inflated it so at times it has been difficult for my head to get through the door at home. It's made me never wrong and hardly unapologetic because in my mind I have been wrong for good reason and deserve to be cut the slack as anyone completely out of their minds should. Via Social I actually tricked myself into believing I was better and occasionally holier, than thou. Now that I know this I can't even imagine what it has been like to live with and for that matter, attempt to reason with me - the self-declared Mr. Good Guy who actually isn't that good at all. I shared with a fellow married man as recently as this morning that my motivation for doing things for others hasn't been for the good of others but rather for how it would make me look or seem in the eyes of others and the shocking realization for me is that I have been doing this for YEARS! And I can only recognize this now because after seeing firsthand the pain and brokenness I've caused (which never made any sense to a guy like me - figured something was wrong with everyone else) and spending time in intense prayer and personal reflection I've recently moved into a space where I am doing things purely for the well being of others and I'm here to state that although it feels a bit foreign, it also feels pretty darn good.

Be warned, especially men: hanging out on social is cool if that's what you want to do. If it's your job that's fine too. But be sure keep your mind and your heart guarded and maybe more importantly have real friends - ones who are in the flesh who will hold you accountable and keep you and your ego in check.

Meet Ross and watch his testimony on what it means to be a father.

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Parents give your kids the time and space they need to be children. It's easy for us as adults to be totally blinded by the frenetic pace of our lives, always being on, always having something more to do, never having enough time to do any of it. Understand that kids aren't able to move as fast as us (especially if they have to because you're behind schedule) nor should they have to. They have the rest of their lives to be stressed based on their own actions. Do your best not to stress them out because of yours. For example, if they take "too long" getting ready for school, maybe you need to get up a little earlier in order to get them up early enough so you don't lose your mind and your patience trying to get them out of the house. Lord knows I do. This doesn't let them off the hook for everything, but it does when you are the one at fault.


Meet Ross and watch his testimony on what it means to be a father..

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Last week, my daughter asked me why mostly boys wore Nike. So we spent this past Sunday afternoon watching the Nike Women and Under Armor YouTube Channels. The ensuing conversation developed into one that included following your dreams, sports, ethnicity, exercise and fitness and having an honest conversation around feminine physicality.

Now, she knows the names of multiple female athletes, across a range of sports and is much more empowered to believe she can do what she wants to through dedication, hard work and opportunity.




Meet Ross and watch his testimony on what it means to be a father.

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My big boy is Back to School and halfway through his first week of classes. I'm not talking about bright shining faces and new backpacks back-to-school. Rather, rented minivan filled with boxes and clothes and hundreds of dollars in textbooks back-to-school. Not to mention that pesky tuition bill I'm paying via the grace of God and starting a 529 Plan for him nine years ago. 

With everything that's currently going on in our nation, but even if we lived in a utopia, I couldn't be a prouder dad.

Meet Ross and watch his testimony on what it means to be a father.

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Meet Ross. Ross is an acclaimed photographer, a devoted husband and the proud father of a bouncing baby girl. Ross was gracious enough to take a few moments to share his thoughts on fatherhood with me and is the inaugural subject of my new docu-series called Fatherhood In Black: Because We Do Exist.

The mission of this message is to promote the reality that men of color, particularly African American men, are dedicated, involved and loving parents despite what much of mainstream media promotes and in contrast to what many believe.

Tweet: This Father Really Loves His Daughter http://ctt.ec/3X9fd+ #parenting #fatherhood #dadstalking

This inaugural entry will eventually evolve into a very large project. Please view and share, this video and this blog post, as much as you like as I hope you will share in my personal passion to truly propel and position positive images of fatherhood. We're here, and always have been --- in plain sight.

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Not so many years ago I believed my father, pictured to the right of my mother, had the strength of ten men. Now as he dwells in the golden age of his life I am amazed by how slowly he moves and yet he is just as strong as he as always been considering that his brother, sister and nephew have all died in the past sixty days. Age has made him slightly crotchety and maybe dulled a bit of his shine, but his slowed pace has created a gracefulness in his movements and an appreciation for moments that I often overlook in my rush to get everywhere. I appreciate and love my father and consider him a living repository of knowledge for my family and myself.

I hope I can be this strong should I ever see the age of eighty-one.

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You, the readers, mean everything to me. I've blogged for so long being transparent isn't difficult for me. What's been challenging is being this far along in the game (6 years) writing meaningful content as a one-man show with a full-time job. There are times when I simply want to drop it and let it fade off into obscurity for a variety of reasons. But then I sit down to write and remember the times at the many coffee shops when I was baring my soul not knowing who was "listening" and if what I was saying mattered. And I kept on writing anyway. The following are the Top Ten Posts of 2013 that mattered the most to you this year. Thank You for reading, sharing, and commenting. I hope to be able to continue creating meaningful ideas, stories and so on, in 2014 for you, the readers.

The Top Ten Posts Written in 2013 at MakesMeWannaHoller.com (based on reader views):

10. The Power of Dad http://epayne.me/VQrWno

9. How To Restore Yourself in 2013: 7 Principles of Self-Restoration http://epayne.me/10JOz32

8. Parents Make The Difference http://epayne.me/18SkKu8

7. Parenting And Fatherhood: Let's Reclaim Our Kids http://epayne.me/12tZdq6

6. Healthy Marriage: 4 Things To Consider And Do http://epayne.me/18CYeMm

5. From Shoeless To College Freshman: My Son http://epayne.me/13Ri1jR

4. 2 Questions To Ask To Introduce Your Kids To Gratitude http://epayne.me/HeRQid

3. How To Be A Man, Dad & Husband In A World Gone Mad http://epayne.me/1desbDL

2. Where's Mommy? http://epayne.me/177km0Z

1. The Reward For A Simple Act Of Kindness http://epayne.me/1fxC51B

If there's a post you really liked and it isn't on the list, please let me know here in the comments.

Peace,
E.Payne

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I recently had a revolutionary revelation around fatherhood. That's right, a revolutionary revelation. Early last week I was exposed to a friend's Facebook post where plenty of female commenters beat on their chests with regard to their superiority as the "master parent." I found it painful and heartbreaking, being the sensitive soul that I am. For years now I've beat my drum (a.k.a. written on my blog) about all that Dad brings to the table. I've got plenty of cards in my back pocket I can whip out to justify our necessity and explain our equivalence in this parenting game, and why both are necessary. But finally it hit me --- I don't have to. At all.

I fell in love with this video the first time I saw it while watching it with my colleagues at work. It literary spoke to my soul. At the time, I thought of it as a great piece of brand storytelling. I even referenced it in an industry blog post. But there was something that haunted me about the video and it wasn't the state of modified foods. It was the scarecrow himself and his smoldering dissatisfaction with everything going on around him. Things that most folks were giving no thought to, tossing off the continual perversion of their lives (or in this case, the food they were eating) as normal.

And so it goes with me, your friendly neighborhood Dad-Man, who's consistently been at this blogging game since 2008. I often find myself heartbroken by this world where we currently live. I tire daily of the gong that social media has become for hatred. I tire of the ongoing battle of the sexes in the supposed game of love because at it's core there is mostly lust being inaccurately referenced as love. Divorce is now commonplace and a topic of conversation for those who should just be focused on playing and drawing.

This past weekend, the day after my birthday, I was honored to participate on a dad blogger panel at this year's Type-A Parent Conference. I was on the panel with a couple of esteemed colleagues in the dad-blogging space, Fred Goodall of MochaDad and Trey Burley, aka Daddy Mojo. Our panel was moderated by none other than Ron Mattocks of Clark Kent's Lunch Box.

As our sole dad panel was embedded in a highly mom-centric conference, I didn't anticipate us speaking to a standing-room-only crowd. I was correct in this assumption. But what surprised me was how receptive the audience was to what we were saying and the couple of times we (well, Fred mostly) was interrupted by applause after responding to the questions being posed.

I had to pause while I was up there and realize that I've actually become an "expert" in this space. And considering the weekend I was having, celebrating turning forty-two and then finding out that two cousins passed away in and around the same time, I was and continue to be humbled by it all.

(l. to r.) Ron, Fred, Me & Trey

And because I have mobile device induced ADD check out this Vine I shot from the stage (click the picture and then in the upper left hand corner click the speaker icon):


Until we speak again ...

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I've only recently moved into a place of mental peace that will allow me to begin sharing what my beloved son has done to my car over the years and when in particular he's committed his offenses. But until then, know this: his most recent attack on my vehicle left it virtually un-drivable. Meaning, I could get behind the wheel and get where I needed to go but it was only a matter of time before I caused an accident due to the driver's side mirror dangling like a drooping eyelid off the side of my car. Of course this didn't stop me from driving it until I simply couldn't take it anymore. It being the helplessness of not being able to see without fully turning my head and taking my attention off of what was going on in front of me, and it being, I'm a grown man about to turn 24 (backwards), recently blessed with a great promotion. I simply don't need to be driving around in something that matches where I was two years ago. I'm in the position to take care of and repair what belongs to me, dragging my feet on it for as long as I did is a carryover of the effects of that time period on my life.

A week ago I was on my way to the body shop during my lunch break. Thankfully, a coworker asked me where I was headed and when I told him he challenged me to do the work myself. The rest is detailed in the collage below.

Whenever possible, wherever possible and if possible roll up your sleeves and get hands-on with a project around the house. If you dive into a project previously uninformed just be sure to double and triple-check your reference resources. Especially if you're researching on YouTube. It is incredibly empowering. And it makes you look pretty cool in the eyes of your kids and hot in the eyes of the wife.

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I've been pretty quiet on the blog as of late. Life has truly gotten in the way. But I make no apologies because my life informs this blog. And I've been going through A LOT of life as of late. The beauty of social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and even Google+ is that they allow you to document life events on the fly. If you do it often enough over a short window of time you will see a storyline emerge. To tell what I've recently been through as one fluid piece with every single detail is to write a novel, or at the very least a novella. What follows is my summarized documentation of one of the most important experiences in my life as a father --- seeing my son off for his freshman year of college:

Friday, August 9

Please forgive the silence but this dad and husband is up to his eyeballs in it: a son heading to college for his freshman year, a daughter who just started going back to school, visits home to check on aging parents, an increasing role at work, landing a speaking engagement, working to be as transparent as possible as a husband, staying in shape, car issues...this should all sound familiar and I don't want a cookie I'm just asking for your patience with the silence on this page and the blog. Stay tuned things will be back to normal soon. THANKS!

Wednesday, August 14

Spending a lot of time reflecting and praying as I hit the road tomorrow with my family to drop my son off to school for his freshman year of college. At first I was excited for the change, but today it hit me like a bag of bricks that as of next week my house is going to be missing one oh so essential person.

Thursday, August 15

Update #1:

And away we go!

Update #2:

Earlier today in the rented minivan before hitting the road for college! Now sitting on Canal Street in New Orleans eating apple pie a la mode and chatting up with the soon to be son/man/friend.

Friday, August 16

Been up since 5:30 am for the son's 8am dorm check-in. Set up the room. Met the roomie. Bought books and souvenirs and headed back later to network. My feet hurt and I've only had one beignet as food for the day. It's time to eat.






















Saturday, August 17

Update #1:

Yesterday's move-in day to the freshman dorm went off without a hitch. The welcome committee cheered us on and helped carry the boy's stuff to his room. We met his roommate and his parents, bought books and lots of souvenirs and snacks. We networked with some administrators and I even bumped into a college classmate of mine who is dropping off her child for her freshman year also. The day went so well my son decided to stay on campus last night. That was tough. But it's a part of growing up --- for him and me.

Update #2:

‪#‎Xavier‬, ‪#‎xula‬, freshman family weekend, I never thought this day would come, not because it couldn't but I just was incapable of understanding what it would look or feel like. I realize that my love and pride for my son runs much deeper than I thought it did. 'nuf said. Gushing over.





Monday, August 19 (3:30am)

I am finally home after a long, long drive from Louisiana. I thought "goodbye" was going to be tearful or maybe even tragic. Goodbye, as in "see you at Thanksgiving, son." But it was business as usual with my newly minted college Freshman. Silly pictures, ridiculous sarcasm and lots of laughs. Sure the emptiness comes and goes in powerful waves. The wondering if I did enough. The hope that I did and the doubt that I didn't. And the emptiness that is in his room in our home. Going into the weekend I was sad. But now I am happy and inspired. Happy for my son and all the opportunity that lies before him and happy to be able to give him as a gift to the world. I am inspired to be all that I can be and even more as a father to him in this new phase of his life.



There was a time when I didn't believe I'd live to see 21 thanks to the people dying around me and now twenty years later I have a son in college. I hope and pray his light shines brighter and longer and better than mine ever will. I am so humbled, so thankful and so filled with praise for the Most High. May His many blessings continue to pour out on all of us trying to raise our kids during such turbulent and high-priced times.

In the subsequent days, all I've had is a smile on my face and a fondness in my heart for the once shoeless boy, the up and coming man I am so so proud to call my son.

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Last month, I featured this picture on Facebook with a statement directed towards women about a man being a good cook being a man who will take care of you. Well, in retrospect this was a pretty ridiculous claim to make. A man who can cook is most certainly aware of foods, palettes and maybe even chemistry to a certain extent. He may be aware of his surroundings, especially if he is an organic farm to table kind of guy. He might even be conscientious about pleasing, impressing, satisfying, and/or catering to others. But none of the above qualifies what kind of father and husband a man will be. Through the opposite lens, the same goes for women too. A man who can cook is a great asset, no different than one who is handy around the house. But this is a feature, not the total package.

"What if a child dreamed of becoming something other than what society intended...?"

This is a quote from the recent Man of Steel movie but it is oh so applicable to this real life. So what if a child does dream, and all children do, how does he or she become more than the limiting, dimwitted expectations placed upon them? Recent events have crystallized for more than ever that it's time for us parents to reclaim our children. It's time to shut down or at least talk about the dehumanizing media produced by profiteering suits that foster pointless pathologies filled with hate and misogyny. It's time to treat our kids exactly as they are: kids. Let's love them, raise them and educate them. It may not be easy but it is absolutely necessary. Teach them. Love them. Talk to them constantly.

And to the men reading this: be fathers to your kids. Having a father is every child's right. Don't let your kids down.

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FACT: NEARLY 1 OUT OF 3 CHILDREN IN THE UNITED STATES GROW UP WITHOUT A FATHER

8 Steps A Father Can Take to Reconnect With His Kid(s)

Below are practical action steps from “Oprah’s Lifeclass” episode ‘Fatherless Sons: The Reaction’ that every father can take in an effort to reconnect with his children (as provided by expert Geoffrey Canada):

1. Pick your son up from school
2. Cook a meal together
3. Take a day off of work to go on a school trip
4. Go to parent/teacher conferences
5. Show up at school just because
6. Go to the school play
7. Show up at graduation
8. Teach your child about something you love

Inspire The Dad In Your Life To Be His Best All Year Long

Be sure to tune in for the NEW EPISODE of ‘Oprah’s LIFECLASS’ Fatherless Sons: THE REACTION

Time: SUNDAY, JULY 7 at 9pm ET/PT

Station: OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network

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This past Saturday was very bright and very sunny. My family and I spent most of it outdoors. At one point, I noticed a man in a car staring at my daughter while she, my son, my father-in-law and I were sitting outside an ice cream shop. I naturally became concerned when he called out to me and asked if this was my family. I answered yes and he told me, "First off you have a beautiful family and second, I just had a baby girl and the way you look right now is what I'm shooting for." It was then that I noticed the baby seat in the back seat of his car. I thanked him and wished him well as he drove off. You never know when or how you can make an impression on someone. Even when minding your own business. As my Mom always says, "Make sure you're wearing clean underwear..."

Parenting Advice Should Be Free

This got me thinking about the parenting book I wrote a couple years back. In a perfect world, I would have loved for this book to have been the one to make me financially independent. But this didn't happen and after my exchange with the young dad on Saturday my priorities have changed completely. Now I simply want to give it away. To quote many of the little shoplifters that used to get nabbed when   I was working at Barnes & Noble, "Knowledge should be free." Especially when it's advice on fatherhood, one of the more challenging courses available to humanity.

99 Cents or Less At the Kindle Store

Magna Carta this is not. But Kindle it is. According to Kindle's rules I can't sell the book for any less than 99 cents. Darn! But if you're an Amazon Prime member it's free of charge. Yes! And what's best: you don't have to have a Kindle to read a Kindle book, just the mobile or desktop app.

Inspire the Dad In Your Life All Year Long

When I first wrote this book I wrote it to inspire fathers as I'm most concerned about doing my part to empower and encourage dads. But after looking it over once it was done, it can and should be read by both mothers and fathers as it will keep you on your game and remind you of what's important in a world filled with so many things that are not.

• The book is called: DAD: As Easy As A, B, C! (of course it really isn't, but it may feel this way after reading through the pages and completing the included workbook exercises)
• Price: FREE, if you are an Amazon Prime member, otherwise it's 99 cents.

I sincerely hope you will make it a part of your library today.

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Father's Day Is For FATHERS: A Public Service Announcement from E.Payne on Vimeo.

When it comes to fathers and Father's Day we always hear about what men need to do to be better fathers, etc. You never hear this conversation in advance of Mother's Day. Father's Day is all about celebrating the fathers that DO in the lives of their children, not the men that DON'T in the lives of their kids. There's no argument that we shouldn't aggressively address the issue of fatherless, especially since it fosters so many societal ills. However on Father's Day lets set this day aside to actually celebrate fathers --- the men who assume the role and responsibilities that come with rearing and loving their children.

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My most prominent memories from my childhood include my father in some way. He was singularly the most impactful force on my life. I remember how focused he was and how at times, he was mature to a fault, or his extreme mature was to my personal detriment. He was seemingly unmoved by many of the things that make kids kids. My dad was and continues to be an exceptionally serious man. His dealings with me oftentimes were not unlike those of a boss who deals with an average employee, mildly satisfied with the workers productivity. Always expecting more. I'll never forget the time I got a B in one of my high school classes and he acted as if I had received an F. I was furious, not in a I can't satisfy this guy kind of way but rather a what the hell is wrong with this guy?

Our relationship, at least from my viewpoint, was testy at best during my teen years. Then one day my mother shared a picture with me from my past. There I was, a big-headed, slobbering baby boy laying across my father's chest and the smile on my father's face was stretched from his left ear to his right. It was the biggest smile I had ever seen. I distinctly remember blurting out, "Dad smiles?!" The next picture (pictured here) was a little bit later on. I was bigger, wearing footie pajamas and my father's smile was still there. In retrospect on the occasions when my father did smile it was when I was in the midst of accomplishing something: running, but not winning in a track meet or posing with me at the conclusion of the many science fairs I won. That's right, science fairs. I was a god of model rockets and measuring drag coefficients.




Tweet: Your favorite Dad moments on Twitter at #powerofdad

I was stunned as I watched the Oral B (yup, the makers of the Oral B power toothbrushes) Power of Dad video. It was put together to honor dads this Father's Day for all the great moments and smiles we have brought to the lives of our families. It captures so many precious, priceless, intimate but fleeting moments between fathers and their kids. I can relate to all of them as a father of a 17 and a 7 year-old. I smiled thinking back on the times when my dad, unbeknownst to me, was grooming me to be the man I am today.

Visit: The Power of Dad and share your favorite memories of your Dad

Now that my daughter is coming into her own she looks to me for approval for the things she's involved in. There's one thing she relies on to let her know that all is right with her and the world: my smile. A father's smile makes all the difference in the world. And when my daughter sees my smile, hers gets even brighter.


I don't ever plan for this to change.

I'm inclined to believe I'm not the only one who has some valuable, wonderful memories of their father. Share your favorite memories via a short testimonial of your father or even your favorite moments as a father here in my comment section, over at The Power of Dad and on Twitter using the #powerofdad hashtag.

Disclaimer: This was a conversation sponsored by Oral-B. The opinions expressed here are my own.

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Every so often I'll catch glimpse of it. In my iPhone, in a window and often times at night. I look at it and don't understand it, where it came from, why it exists, who it is and why is it attached to me. It's my face staring back at me asking the same question, maybe for the same reasons. How did I get here? Yesterday I was graduating high school and as lost about life as I wanted to be. Now I'm providing guidance to...children of all people. And I'm viewed a positive and strong. Which, for me on some days, is just outrageously laughable. But maybe this is what the parenting game is all about, often wondering if you're good enough and chasing this pursuit perpetually.

I sit here typing these words understanding that I have no choice in this "growing up" and all the attachments of responsibility that came with it. I guess some people choose not to even when they bring kids into the world, but that was never going to happen with me. I've embraced it all even when I haven't understood them.

There has been an incredible amount of anticipation and tension for one of the culminating moments in our lives as a family --- my son's graduation from high school. I'd been repairing the house and painting it for weeks for the twelve family members who were coming to stay with us. I've been so busy that I haven't blogged in weeks. What's worse, I didn't even have any ideas of what to blog about and worse than that, I didn't care. The twelve arrived and then some more. Then my kitchen sink sprang a leak once everyone was here. I called the plumber but he never showed (I guess he doesn't like money). I finally discovered the leak on my own but not before water began pooling in my garage from two days worth of repeatedly flooding the cabinet beneath the sink. With a wife who is a serious cook and so many people around, there was no way we were not going to be able to use it. In the end I wound up replacing the whole faucet with my father after almost everyone left.