In Pursuit Of Purpose...

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The more things come together...

The older I get...

The more predictable life becomes...

The less sense it makes...

I shake my head almost able to reach out and touch my memories...

As if they were yesterday and not yesteryear...

And I wonder...

What if all my dreams were just dreams?

What if the only love that's real is love for kids?

...and kids' love for parents?

What if money really didn't matter?

Why does money matter?

Why does fashion matter to the masses?

Why does fashion matter to me?

What sense does it make to stay in shape?

If dying begins the day you start living, why live?

If there's plenty to live for, what is there to die for?

Or is that just something people ask not expecting an answer?

What is good?

What is bad?

Is there good?

Is there bad?

Does it matter?

I believe with all my heart and soul that God is real,

But after turning on the news for a few minutes or an argument with the wife...

I often wonder where He is...

Why did I work so hard as a child only to ensure an adulthood of internal and external doubt?

Why didn't I marry the first girl I thought I loved?

Better question, why did she have a boyfriend?

Even better, why did I have to find out on my own?

Why is sex the best thing ever and worst thing too depending on who you do?

Who is this woman who calls me Husband?

Who are these copies of me calling me Daddy?

Why in the world would anyone rely on me when I so many days when I can't rely on myself?

How can there be too much of a good thing when lately there isn't enough of anything to go around?

Why does love wreak havoc on the soul until you don't want it anymore?

Why do people fall in love with you when love is the last thing you want or are even ready for?

Why does turmoil bubble inside the soul with no positive place for it to go?

What if when the lights go out on my life forever, no lights come back on at the other end of the tunnel?

What if there is no tomorrow and all of this has just been one very LONG day?

What if I die tomorrow?

Can I honestly say I did it my way?

Life is a strange thing that stays inevitably the same...

I know this and still I question it, some days driving myself insane,

with sleepless nights and worries about woe of which I have no control?

But if the birds of the trees don't worry about a thing

then why do I wonder at all???

I wonder...

How about you?