2014 has taken its bow after twelve months of highs, lows and some stretches of steadiness. I've been silent for most of it as I've been waging a number of personal battles that consumed so much emotional energy, I simply haven't had the bandwidth to share much of myself via my blog, via photos, via nothing. But in doing this I've learned is it's good sometimes to close the gates, pull down the blinds and focus on self. Because, let's put it into perspective, if you aren't any good or are deteriorating, how can you hope to be of any good to anyone else?

2014 was a year of accomplishments:

1. I adopted my son after many years of saying I would and trying to do so. God allows some things to happen in His time no matter how hard we try to do it ourselves. I needed to mature considerably before I could truly have the right attitude and heart for what it was that I was trying to do. It also didn't hurt that I found a great lawyer to work on our behalf.

2. In December of 2013 my cholesterol was high. My doctor told me to get active or get on cholesterol meds. I'm not a fan of  pills. On January 1, 2014, while vacationing in Fort Lauderdale, I decided I was going to run a mile a day after reading an article on the plane about a man who has run eight miles a day for the last thirty-eight years. Or at least I was going to do my best to try. Weather, health and stick-tuitiveness impacted this, of course. These were the highlights of my efforts

• I ran my fastest mile in June in 7:41
• I ran my fastest 5K in December in 27:07
• I ran my fastest 10K in September in 63:17
• I ran a total of 52.1 miles in August
• I ran a total of 300.1 miles in 2014
• I developed a healthy rivalry amongst a handful of runners
• I lost 15 pounds
• I lowered my cholesterol

3. I vigorously paid down my debt following Dave Ramsey's debt snowball system so that, minus any unforseen setbacks, I can declare myself debt free in September 2015. It's an amazing feeling to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

4. At the end of 2012 I pledged to triple the income I made that year. In January 2015 I will be making nearly four times what I made in 2012. It took me two years as opposed to the one I originally thought it would, but my point is by simply staying the course and complaining almost never I'm receiving more than I was trying to achieve.

5. I, or rather through God's help I have experienced a real breakthrough in my marriage. Yes, my marriage was on a flaming, speeding bobsled headed straight to Hell. And it had been for a long time. It landed me in therapy, a place I thought I'd never be. But I fought and fought and fought and fought and met a real good dude along the way who was going through something similar. He became a partner in arms providing advice, really GOOD advice every step of the way. And when I finally stopped fighting because I was too tired to even raise my head to look at the sun I've been blessed to see everyday, my wife came around just enough to let me know the fighting was all worth it. And the rest will be the continuation of our story. There is much still to be done and even more to be undone.

6. Therapy was a place I thought I'd never be. Especially as a black man, pumped up with the false notion that I should be able to pray everything away. It's funny how through most of 2013 my pastor referenced his therapy sessions during sermons and it went right over my head. And ultimately, God makes therapists too. In 2104 enough was enough. I didn't understand me and always knew I didn't. So I sat down with a man who's name and number I had for a long time and he helped me begin to slay the dragons in my head that I actually thought existed. He's taught how to speak as opposed to how I had been speaking and how to view things as not being nearly as terrible as I was making them out to be. 

7. Through all of the above, I found my voice. I learned to speak my mind without concern of what others may think. I also learned how to choose my battles a bit more wisely. And I've learned the power of silence. I also learned the power of saying no, affirmatively.

8. I stepped out of my comfort zone and went with the family on a Christmas cruise. My family and I enjoyed sun, surf and the amazing enormity of the Atlantic Ocean. A clear reminder that we take up no space whatsoever on this immense planet. It's a truly humbling experience I would encourage you to experience.

2014 was a year of challenges:

1. I came to seriously question my purpose/reason for being. This in turn negatively impacted my ability to write (blog) and make it through the day each day at work. This continues to be a challenge for me that hopefully, I'll be writing about this experience with fondness at the end of 2015.

2. Fighting for my marriage has left me with a lot of emotional baggage and a lot of collateral damage. It's stuff I have to acknowledge and work through in order to move forward.  

3. I struggled and continue to struggle with the idea that I deserve nice things and so do the people around me whom I love.

4. 2014 was the year I learned to let go of things I was no longer honestly using by either giving them away or throwing them away. This isn't to say I was a hoarder but based on older relatives I know I have the trait.

5. I failed to create a product I could sell or promote. This is something I have been trying to do effectively to no avail year after year. But part of this had much to do with me not having my voice or knowing why I'm here. I anticipate a change now that these areas have improved.

6. Following Number 5 above, I put many of my passions on the back burner considering them to be failed expectations rather than dreams that have yet to come to pass.

7. My father suffered a stroke right before Thanksgiving 2014. It was mild but it was enough to temporarily change life as my mother and I know it. We also learned that over time my father has had multiple mild strokes. Not enough to kill him but just enough to alter him in ways we currently do not know. I learned a lot about myself back in the beginning of December when I flew home and found my dad in a condition that I would never consider possible for a man of his stature. My compassion, strength, ingenuity, patience, willingness to act and speak up for myself, and faith were all tested and strengthened. The silver lining in all that has happened is that my mother and I now know and know how to get him to his new normal. I'll take that over the alternative of my mother coming home one day and finding my dad unconscious or worse.

In Conclusion

I saw a lot of people move on to the next life in 2014. Both friends and family. I'm becoming more and more aware of my own mortality as my son ages into manhood and my daughter continues her ascent into little ladyhood. I never imagined myself as a dude with a legacy and yet, here I am.

I hope you experience the successes and teachable moments from your 2014, write them down and contemplate how they have helped and hindered you. In 2015 I want you to be everything you determine yourself to be. Don't rule out the help of others. No man or woman is an island and doing it all yourself is not a recipe for success. Speak up for yourself and don't let anyone steal your joy.

I will do my best to be here with you in words and ideas.


Meet Ross and watch his testimony on what it means to be a father..

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The video contained in this post was a rush job. There are no ifs ands and buts about it. I had been trying to schedule Scott for a shoot all week and when he was finally available, my time was not my own. But I committed myself to making it happen.

What I didn't anticipate was Scott's nervousness. We've discussed fatherhood in the past and also in the days leading up to my taping him. He's a fun-loving bear of a man who speaks with so much pride and passion about being a father I was caught off guard by his jitters about saying the right thing. Or worse, saying the wrong thing.

I knew that if we had to do multiple takes, this guy was going to start overthinking and making mechanical something that comes very naturally to him. So we did this in two takes, albeit with some camera shake, the Sun imposing it's will on us and my overlooking some tiny gaffes in the name of getting the most authentic and raw footage possible.

Unbeknownst to him at the time, Scott gave me some of the purest gold I've ever had the pleasure to watch. I literally have grinned from ear to ear while watching. Especially 2:55 into the video.

I hope you will agree. Fatherhood in Black: Because We Do Exist

Happy Father's Day to you and yours.



Before you go, meet Ross and watch his testimony on what it means to be a father.

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I shared this on my Facebook page and figured it is worth sharing here as well. On March 11 of this year, my dad's oldest brother passed away and I journeyed back to my roots in the Midwest to see him off and to comfort my dad and cousins. This past Sunday afternoon I received news that one of my dad's sisters who was at the service passed away. A mere nineteen days separated their passings. Which makes four relatives gone in a seven month span of time. In between this both of my children were hospitalized one week apart from each other for a combined six days. On Christmas Eve, my son thankfully walked away from a car accident that left my former car in pieces.

I'm not sharing for sympathy or likes or shares or accolades or condolences or anything. And I'm not going to be cliché and proclaim, "Life is too short." Rather I would encourage anyone reading this to dispense with the BS as I have (if you have BS anywhere in your life), embrace the ones you love today, tomorrow and everyday thereafter until you no longer are able. Live a rich life. Make rich connections. Enjoy the little things. Don't get caught up in nonsense and shut it down when you are the source of said nonsense.

And...be sure to embrace the rough times too so they make you better and stronger rather than render you bitter and useless.

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If 2013 was the Year of Restoration, 2014 is going to be the Year of Reparation. But I'll only be seeking reparations from myself. I'm seeking to repair all that the younger versions of me have done to create the current life I'm navigating daily. I'm so serious about this that I've got people helping me, everyone from a therapist to accountability partners.

A friend recently shared that he felt he was being punished for all his past mistakes. I heard him out, but I stopped him in his thinking and let him know although he may feel punished he is simply living out the consequences of his past decisions. And now is the time to fix the present to ensure the future.

Matthew McConaughey's 2014 Oscar acceptance speech has been making the rounds on the Internetz with commentary ranging from beautifully transparent to delirious, religion-soaked, self-aggrandizing rambling. Personally, I thought it was a sincere testimony to human frailty, humilty and majesty. That he could call out his thankfulness for the Grace that has been bestowed upon him, be driven to serve his children, then be in inexhaustible pursuit of the unattainable: you best future you (which means you're probably making a lot of other people's lives better along the way), is something to be thoughtfully considered and modeled in a world that, for a long time as of late seems consumed with nothing more than the self. What he could have said or should have said given the occasion is irrelevant. Whatever it was or was not as far as presentation is equally irrelevant. What he did say provided inspiration to the countless numbers of people who needed to hear that, right then and there in that moment.

I count myself as one of those many.



PS - there's nothing wrong with shouting out God, if that's what you believe.

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Forgive the long delay between posts. I've got issues. For real.

In fact, I've always had issues (newsflash) but lately I've really got my sleeves rolled up and I'm working on them and discovering several more as I toil. So I'm busy, busier than normal, and I don't have much time to write.

It seems like everyday I'm stumbling upon incredible insights from particularly basic experiences.

Yesterday, I left the house without my mobile device. As usual I was hustling my daughter out the door to school to get her there on time. I made this discovery about two blocks from the house when my car wouldn't connect to my phone. Yes, now that I have a new car (I'm not yet ready to tell the story of how my son totaled my beloved truck on Christmas Eve 2013 and thankfully walked away without a scratch), and by new I mean brand new, I've become sucked in to the high in tech package that comes with it (that I negotiated off the price of the vehicle). "Why isn't my podcast coming on?" I asked aloud to myself, I really wanted to pick up where I was last from my previous drive in the car. I instantly panicked, doing a quick pat down of myself while driving. My search didn't produce the blocky bulge I've been accustomed to carting around in my various pockets and I sighed heavily.

"What's wrong, Daddy?" my baby asked.

I thought to myself and answered, "Nothing, baby girl. I'm fine."

I debated for another block or so that 1) I didn't have the time to turn around to get the phone; 2) my first day back to work after a week off from mild snowstorms and a company holiday I didn't want to turn back around after dropping my daughter to school; and 3) I didn't want to go all the way home on my lunch break just so I could have it in case someone called or texted me. I simply didn't want to have to go through the hoop that this particular morning was asking of me. So I simply didn't. Making the pledge that somehow, someway I'd make it through the day without my phone. I prayed that all would be fine with my kids for the day, making it unnecessary for any teacher or administrator to call me about the little one, nor would the big one need me for anything before the evening. When I got to work I emailed my wife to let her know I didn't have my phone and she'd have to email me or actually call me at my work number in my signature of my email if she needed anything.

And I kept it moving. My colleagues at the digital agency where I worked teasingly chastised me heavily for leaving a digital device behind. I shrugged my shoulders. Miraculously, I survived and then some. Here's what I learned:

You, the readers, mean everything to me. I've blogged for so long being transparent isn't difficult for me. What's been challenging is being this far along in the game (6 years) writing meaningful content as a one-man show with a full-time job. There are times when I simply want to drop it and let it fade off into obscurity for a variety of reasons. But then I sit down to write and remember the times at the many coffee shops when I was baring my soul not knowing who was "listening" and if what I was saying mattered. And I kept on writing anyway. The following are the Top Ten Posts of 2013 that mattered the most to you this year. Thank You for reading, sharing, and commenting. I hope to be able to continue creating meaningful ideas, stories and so on, in 2014 for you, the readers.

The Top Ten Posts Written in 2013 at MakesMeWannaHoller.com (based on reader views):

10. The Power of Dad http://epayne.me/VQrWno

9. How To Restore Yourself in 2013: 7 Principles of Self-Restoration http://epayne.me/10JOz32

8. Parents Make The Difference http://epayne.me/18SkKu8

7. Parenting And Fatherhood: Let's Reclaim Our Kids http://epayne.me/12tZdq6

6. Healthy Marriage: 4 Things To Consider And Do http://epayne.me/18CYeMm

5. From Shoeless To College Freshman: My Son http://epayne.me/13Ri1jR

4. 2 Questions To Ask To Introduce Your Kids To Gratitude http://epayne.me/HeRQid

3. How To Be A Man, Dad & Husband In A World Gone Mad http://epayne.me/1desbDL

2. Where's Mommy? http://epayne.me/177km0Z

1. The Reward For A Simple Act Of Kindness http://epayne.me/1fxC51B

If there's a post you really liked and it isn't on the list, please let me know here in the comments.

Peace,
E.Payne

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When my daughter was five years old she plunged herself into a pool at a friend’s birthday party and sank like a stone to the bottom of the pool. She did so under the premise she could swim. Thankfully there was a man there who didn’t hesitate, to even take off his shoes and dove in after her. When I picked her up from the party she was happy to have spent the time there but visibly shaken. Although she had already taken a handful of lessons, I decided it was time for her to get full blown training. No one, especially a child, should live in fear of something they are able to navigate.

Not even twelve months later she was diving off the high dive, tucking her little knees into her chest and swimming back to the surface to do it all over again.

The first time my daughter went roller skating with her mother, she was unsure of herself and stuck close to her side. It only took her a couple hours of intense determination and absolutely refusing to leave the floor. She’s been skating effortlessly ever since. She had a similar experience when learning how to ice skate. Daddy is still making the highlight reels of people’s memories based on the spectacular falls I experience on skates of any kind. She climbs just as high as they do on the playground. She is as fast as any boy in her class. And the instant some little boy tries to tell her what she can’t do she looks them dead in the eye and tells them she can do anything she wants to do.

One day she saw me skipping rope the way the boxers and she asked me how I was able to move the rope so effortlessly and quickly. Truth is, it takes plenty of effort and I told her so. She began attempting to mimic me with her smaller rope and didn’t fare as well. This time around she didn’t pick it up as quickly as she does everything else. She got frustrated and threw the rope down. I stopped her as she tried to skulk off and let her in on a little secret.

“Guess who taught me how to skip rope?”

“Who?” she asked, looking at her feet.

“A female boxer … a girl … someone who is way stronger than me.”

She looked up at me with wonder in her face. “Really?!”

I told her women are just as capable at men at the things they do, if they set out to do them. And the mantra in our house is that the only thing we can’t do is fly without the assistance of an airplane or glider. And in time not only can she skip rope like me, she can also cross it while jumping - something I cannot do.

Although my daughter has played many sports she has yet to express an interest in competing at an organized level. Should she ever go down this path I have no doubt that nothing will prevent her from being competitive, especially the notion that “girls don’t belong here.” I fully expect her to Play Like A Girl.





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This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Verizon.  The opinions and text are all mine.

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One Friday, a couple of months ago I was tired. I’m actually tired everyday. But this was different. It was the end of a long, long week. I didn’t have to pick my daughter up from school for once and the evening was mine to whatever I wanted. You’d think this means I painted the town red with my boys and toasted to the blessings that have recently been bestowed upon me. Nope. Instead I just took my time going home, stopping first at Whole Foods to restock on healthy stuff and then Home Depot to pick up some flowers to add to the fledgling garden I have on my back deck. As I moseyed to the front doors I remember how heavy my eyelids became under the weight of the setting sun overhead. Then I heard it:

“‘Xcuse me, bruh.”

I groaned and looked up and saw a man considerably taller than I walking toward me with a heavy and labored gait that rivaled my own. He was clean cut but it didn’t matter. I knew but the tone of his voice he wanted money, or so I thought. I’m convinced I have one of those faces that screams, "Ask me for money!" because this late into the game I don’t think Jesus is testing me anymore.

“Can I speak to you for a minute?”

“Hey, man,” I said, cutting him off. “Listen, I don’t have any cash on me.”

I've developed a new exercise to keep my daughter grounded in what matters and to keep her from focusing on the negative (as far too many of us adults do). I felt I needed to do something different than lecturing her, daily, on why she should be grateful and running down the list of all the things we do as parents. It was growing tiresome and something about didn't feel right. And I wasn't certain she was even listening. What I opted to do is very simple. So simple, I didn't believe it would work:

Before bedtime, I ask her what she was thankful for during that day.
In the morning, I ask her what she is thankful for.

The first couple of days I was getting answers such as, "sleep," and "no school" but a few days in something pretty amazing began to happen. Not only did her answers suddenly become more substantial, such as, "I'm glad I had a good night's rest so I can have a good day at school," she makes a point to remind me when I don't ask her. Now, we are even having conversations around the things she's grateful for.

What are you thankful for? Think about it. What if, everyday, you had to dwell on what you are thankful for? Imagine the difference in could make in your life.

What are you thankful for?

photo credit: MTSOfan via photopin cc

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42!

No, not Jackie Robinson's number but my brand new age, today. I woke up with a smile on my face happy and blessed to begin a new day in a new year of my life. Rather than run around and celebrate me by telling everyone it's my birthday, I'm celebrating by giving everyone I know something. There was a time I couldn't give at all. A time that I promised myself if I ever was placed in a position of benevolence I would be benevolent. My family received gifts this morning and I strolled into work with a box of doughnuts and orange juice and champagne. That's how I'm living right now. The only thing I'm really asking for are hugs. I'm living to give and it is a great feeling.

Be well. Be blessed. And celebrate the life you have.

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No New Year's resolutions here. At the very end of 2012 I very quietly proclaimed, "I will be restored."

Today is exactly five months and twenty-four days since I uttered this statement.

How To Inspire The Dad In Your Life To Be His Best All Year Long


Today is also almost a year ago to the day (June 22, 2012 to be exact) I was laid off from what I thought was my dream job. And don't get me wrong, layoffs happen all the time. But it was the how it happened, rather than the why it happened. I was legitimately heartbroken as I scrambled and failed for several months to get new work. My ego suffered, my lifestyle suffered (didn't have one to begin with at the time) and my marriage was accelerating toward disaster. I stopped eating, but gained weight, and then started losing weight and my appetite stayed away. I prayed and prayed but began to lose hope, --- something I've had for as long as I can remember. Then in the fall things began to look up. Work came and I began the slow climb out of debt, began to budget and began doing my best to repair home. On New Year's Eve I forgave myself for everything, especially since I was blaming myself for everything, and told God in 2013 I'd make triple what had been taken from me in 2012. I knew I wasn't blaspheming when I financially able to slip in a trip to Disney World not soon after this. And this past Wednesday, 3 days shy of June 22, 2012, I began a new gig where I was recruited --- making double what I made in 2012. In a masterstroke of bringing things full circle, I was able to assist getting a former colleague from that old "dream" job hired into the position I just left. I'm too awestruck and thankful to question it. I'm still committed to making triple by the end of the year and with freelance stuff and blog stuff I may actually hit that mark. But that's neither here nor there right now. What is true is that I've almost unknowingly doubled what was taken from me in 12 months flat. Believe me there have been hiccups and plenty of self-doubt along the way. But don't tell me I did this "out of my own hard work" - no matter how hard I worked others who work just as hard or harder and for longer still haven't seen their circumstances change. I won't take credit for the blessings, but I will accept them thankfully and know that the Most High is driving. But what I did do and continue to do is remain steadfast to these 7 principles of self-restoration:

1. Know your value - know what you add to this life, your friends, your family, your community, your job and refuse to be undervalued by those who WILL try to convince you that you aren't special.
2. Trust and use your power - when opportunity strikes, don't spend a single second doubting your ability to rise to the occasion. Stand up, speak up and use all that you have to step into what is yours. If you don't, rest assured someone else will. Don't be on the sidelines knowing you could've done better what you should've been doing in the first place.
3. Love a little more - patience, forgiveness, reassurance...speak words that bear fruit and don't tear down, refuse to stoop to lower levels when you feel yourself being pulled down, resist temptation when you know you and/or someone around you will be hurt, resist the desire to defend and fight, instead seek concessions, be the peacemaker, see the other point of view - even if it is wrong and speak truth, calmly and assertively.
4. Surround yourself with people who make you better - this may require you to seek out folks who are better than you. [UPDATE: and separate yourself from others]. I hope your ego will allow for this to happen. 
5. Talk less, listen more - this shouldn't need any explanation, but revisit "Love a little more" for a refresher.
6. Play - if you have any children in your life, watch them for pointers. Set your imagination free, find hobbies that allow your mind to soar: cooking, reading, working, traveling, chasing down that passion on the side (Note to men: if you have a family the bills MUST be paid first and the food MUST be on the table before you begin chasing dreams).
7. Write down your goals - how do you expect to succeed if you don't have a plan? You don't have to physically write them down if that's not what you do but there's no way you're going to stay on task if you don't have any. And an unorganized mind makes for a disorganized life. 
8. *The bonus point - if you count yourself as a believer, pray and praise with all your heart mind and soul. Pray when things are bad and pray when things are good. Invite God into your life and do this FIRST. And all else will follow.

So enough about me. How is your 2013 going for you?

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Thoughts? Please, let me know in the Facebook or Disqus comment sections below.

A few days ago my daughter asked me what her greatest weakness is. I told her she is very smart. Because of that she sometimes talks more than she listens. She then asked me what her mother's greatest weakness was and I answered, "No comment." She begged and pleaded but I refused to get on that train. She asked about her brother and then asked me what I thought mine is. I told her that until recently I've always had a hard time saying "no" for fear of upsetting and disappointing others. And in the process I've volunteered to do a lot of things I never wanted to do or been trapped in places I never wanted to be. She said, "Well, you tell me no." I laughed and said, "That's different. That's me trying to be a parent and take care of you." She got it.

What is your greatest weakness?

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What is it about the superhero that so many of us find so fascinating? Everyone isn't a comic book reader and everyone doesn't have a wild imagination, but with the technology of visual effects having caught up with the minds of the artists and writers who put ink to page and brought the characters of our modern day mythology to life, superhero flicks being runaway blockbusters is irrefutable proof that they mean something to most of us. (Side note, that was an incredibly long sentence).



People who know me well know how far and wild my imagination soars. They've seen me pour through the pages of the superhero comics. They've commented that my drive is inexhaustible. But life dictates that you take care of your responsibilities, FIRST. And so I do. And find myself at times terribly confined and unbearably normal.



The superhero complex is an easy one. It isn't about the iron suit, the invulnerability, the ability to fly, the dark rage,  the awesome gadgets, the healing factor or the ability to sense danger. These are the mere tools that distinguish one from the other. What marries them all together is their decision, or in some instances, compulsion, to become more than what they previously were or what they thought they were even capable of. When push came to shove these men and women tapped into their essence and used their powers, whether they were derived from birthright, through tragedy or by way of some freak accident, to rise above and make lives or life itself, a little better and a little safer.



And aren't we all capable of the same? But how many of us opt to be terribly ordinary for fear of rocking the boat or having to contend with what others think. How ironic is it that we go out in droves to watch movies about people with extraordinary abilities, when every single one of these characters were created as metaphors that exist in everyday life.

And not to leave the fairer sex out...



We make actors and singers into millionaires --- people who dared to be different and some who probably spent some part of their lives judged and misunderstood. Why can't you be super? Why can't I? What's so complex about being a superhero, other than the fear of embracing your true nature and making life better because of it?

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Thoughts? Please, let me know in the Facebook or Disqus comment sections below.

Right now, I'm sitting in a hotel lobby just outside the French Quarter siphoning off some free Wi-Fi like everyone around me who is sitting on these oversized, overused, butt-dimpled couches. The warmth of the sun bathes me and partially blinds me as I type these words. It is a motley crew that darts back and forth past my square of comfortable, but posture-damaging furniture. It is a hustle and bustle of the business people heading out or heading home, mixed with the people who are obviously here to have fun.

I'm wrapping up a 3-day hop here to the Big Easy where my son may or may not attend college. He was accepted to the school we attended and what's more, he fell in love with the town. But not the smut or the promise of rivers of alcohol, but rather, the food and the music --- the kids playing big band jazz in the streets, the art, and the food (that's right I wrote it twice). And he seems to be fully aware that college and all that is the French Quarter are two separate things. He's smiling from ear to ear. Constantly. The last time he smiled like this was the year before he became a teen. And he hasn't smiled much at all since we moved to Atlanta. The experience has left me looking at him a little differently and wondering if maybe he's found his space for the next four years.

Time will tell.

I haven't had much time to blog, or Facebook or do anything. This Year of Restoration has been filled with rewards but I have been burdened like never before. Heading up the social media for an entire company has left me scatterbrained by the end of most of my days. Able to retain little, interested in doing less. Bills are piling up around me at every turn although I'm spending nothing and paying them off at a furious pace. Ignorance is bliss I suppose because I didn't have these concerns when I was unemployed and unable to pay my bills.

I've also been repairing my relationship with my wife. Not having money, not having mutual understanding, not having peace, not being able to work together through the tough times did a real number on us. There are days when I've been tempted to ask myself why keep trying, why carry this mantle and then I just keep on carrying. Here in New Orleans I've been able to take my wife out on a couple of dates and we strolled the streets of the French Quarter together as we did many years ago in Brooklyn and Central Park.

To make a long story short I have been way too busy to blog. Instead I've been growing, changing, fighting and reflecting and my life is changing around me.

Please, bear with me.

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Over the weekend my oldest relative, my Great Aunt Ruth, passed away at the milestone age of 101. She outlived her husband, all of her siblings and a large number of those who came after her. She was my grandmother's sister, a proud, tall woman who wore her long silver hair in a thick braid down her back. In this instance, the adage, "Life is too short..." doesn't apply. So the question is, should you, or I or any of us be blessed to see 100+ years will it be a life well-lived, chock-full of contributions to this life that your family and maybe even the world can speak of, or will it be a drudgery that took too long to end?

The choice is yours...

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There is no box, just as there is no finish line. There are no limitations, short of those laid out by the laws of physics and even then there are workarounds.

My mantra since college has been "I cannot submit, I will not submit, I refuse!"

I have a little girl who enjoys being "girly", playing dress up and princess and plenty things having to do with the color pink. But she is also a dancer, a singer, an actress, an artist, a gardener, a budding scientist, a straight A student, a writer and a mathematician. She also wrestles and can land a pretty solid punch.

And this is the stuff she does for fun.

I don't play the man versus woman game though many around me feel compelled to do so with me. I liken it to being forced to play chess when you don't have any knowledge of where the pieces are supposed to go. My thinking hasn't even allowed me to create a hierarchy where I could consider debating women as being less than men. I look at both genders as people. My heart breaks when I see women disrespected just because, my ears burn when I hear songs that disrespect women just because. I send up prayers when I see women, thinking they are playing a "man's game" and only playing into a system of manipulation that has no business existing. I was born of a woman. I am married to a woman and I am raising someone who will one day be a woman.

As a father I am in the empowerment business. This means shutting down all thoughts that would trick someone into believing they are less than because of who they are. Arming my little one with the ability to speak boldly to anyone who tries to box her in and providing as much opportunity as humanly and financially possible to learn and grow and develop into a powerful Child of God so that should anyone should try to box her in she'll simply laugh and keep moving. I'm sure she will be hurt on her journey of life. It's a father's hope that the pain won't run too deep or too long to derail her in any way. For me International Women's Day isn't about feminism or the feminist movement, as I'm sure it is for many feminists and the finger-pointers who wish to debate everything just for the sake of being contrary. Rather, it's seeing everyone as I have been taught God does --- beautifully and divinely unique but ultimately equal. And treating them accordingly.

Learn more about International Women's Day.

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Playing the piano was a pastime and talent of mine growing up. When speaking about me to my parents, the teachers I had stopped just short of saying I was gifted. Well, at 17 and filled to the eyeballs with rebellion I showed my parents. I abandoned the piano --- one of my most favorite things and my life has been worse off for it.

Until now.

During a pivotal and particularly dismal time in my life when I was 19 years old I was talking to my father and I remarked flippantly, "I don't care..."

Instead of going off on me he paused, appearing almost bewildered and asked, "Son, if you don't care, then who will? Who will take care of the world if you won't?"

No words ever had a stronger impact on me than these and they have been my guide from that day forward.

I often hear, "I don't care." Mostly from adults. And the words make me cringe. Because with so many people choosing not to care about their communities, their front lawns, where they throw their trash, their fellow man and even their spouses...how can we accomplish anything good that will last? How do we raise our children with the expectation that they should take us seriously when they see us disrespecting everything including ourselves?

I am just one...but I do care.

I think I'm just getting too old...

This morning I woke up and set up Valentine's Day presents around the house for my wife and two kids. I did this this morning because I wanted them to wake up to this. To bring a smile to their faces. To carry whatever warmth my gifts might bring, with them through the day, as life does it's best to wear you down from sunup to sundown.

Out of the three of them only my daughter went through her gifts. Yes, it caused her to run a little behind for school but she knew what she got and thanked us for the gifts. She took the card I gave her and read it in the car again and again until she had sounded out all the big words and was saying them easily. And then when we walked into her school she happily went into her day and joined the ranks of screaming kids passing out candy. This morning, my son had the same amount of time on his hands as my daughter. When I pointed out his gifts, just gifts, that had nothing to do with Valentine's Day (he's a teen boy, after all) he grunted, took the peanut butter cups and left the rest sitting exactly where it was. I asked my wife if she opened her gifts and she said she had had no time and that she will open them this evening.

Such is life. I don't believe my good intentions were wasted. I gave in the spirit of giving. I'm only slightly saddened that neither of them took the time to receive what I hope is my good cheer. Many, including my wife, would argue that Valentine's Day is a silly day. But it's an opportunity (aside from all the retail gluttony) to show and share your love. But I've been guilty of doing the same myself from time to time. Not having enough time. Being focused on the requests of strangers. Making sure I get everything I need to get done outside home until I'm so drained I don't have the emotional capacity to acknowledge what going on in my home. But ultimately it's the little things that give you the strength to combat the big things. Today I will take a page from my daughter's book and try to focus on the little, happy, silly things that make the world go 'round.

Happy Valentine's Day.

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Blogging, consistently and passionately, sometimes will create opportunities for growth that you simply can't forsee. Don't ever let anyone tell you you're crazy for doing something that either a) they don't understand, or b) they aren't brave enough to do themselves. On February 9, 2013 MakesMeWannaHoller.com will be five years old. The amount of skepticism I've endured because I blog (particularly while I was looking for employment) was downright unbearable at times. By the grace of God I never gave up, kept at it and am able to share the following good news:

THIS THURSDAY, February 7, 2013, two days before my blog turns five, I'll be live on CNN Headline News as a WEEKLY contributor for a groundbreaking new daily news show covering what's currently trending and what people are talking about around parenting and marriage and quite a few other things. It's called Raising America. It launched this past Monday and has been keeping viewers tuned in on TV and Twitter (kudos to @WebAnna of their social media team).

I was shocked to silence two weeks ago when the request came. At first, I didn't even believe it was true as this wasn't something I was even trying to do (this year). When I asked one of the producers why was I being selected for the show, her answer was short and to the point: "Because you have a great blog!"



I am humbled by this and hope you will tune in at noon on Thursday, February 7. If you have cable (you will need to log on via your cable provider login) you can also watch Headline News live from your computer.

See you at noon, Eastern Standard Time.

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