Latina Love & Sensitive Pimps

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My Achilles Heel is a woman who rolls her R's --- Puerto Rican, Colombian, Dominican, Panamanian --- women of the Latina persuasion. But I've also dated Guatamalen, Ecaudorian and some I don't know because I never bothered to ask. People who know me know that I was stung during my junior year of college by a Puerto Rican freshman or sophomore (I can't remember) from another college where I was visiting fraternity brothers. I remember how she stared into my eyes while we danced at some party and when our time together was over she wrote her number in lipstick on a piece of scrap paper and handed it to me through the window of my car before sauntering off. She knew my eyes were following her movement away from me.

Her name was Loida. I remember vividly how her name rolled, literally, off her tongue and across her full and plump lips when she said it. The way she laughed with a flavor I had never before heard. She looked like me, but didn't talk like me and was different in every way I could ever imagine. Back then I learned I had a penchant for the different/exotic. It was then that I also learned that a woman could be talking to me about taking a dump, but if she did it with a Spanish accent or simply spoke it in Spanish, I became a blubbering fool.

Back to the girl...

Two weeks I was hooked.

Two weeks after that I was in love.

Four weeks after this I was completely strung out, hopeless and desperate.

A couple years later after I picked up the pieces, I realized she was some sort of demonic siren-temptress, something straight out of Greek mythology. She nearly ruined my life, or at the very least the remaining years of my undergraduate career. But I don't know many men who are men who haven't been knocked sideways by that one woman who seems to exist outside the realm of normalcy. That woman who can have her way with any man she wants is not the stuff of movies, she is VERY real. Watch out! Men, you know what I'm talking about...

From that point forward for nearly the next ten years I was hooked. I dated, related or was hit on by women of Latina descent even in the most minute degree. No one could understand it, similar to Mark Wahlberg's, Terry Hoitz's pure bafflement with Will Farrell's Allen Gamble's unassuming ability to mesmerize and attract hot chicks in The Other Guys, so too this seemed to be my effect on Latinas. Even I began to wonder what was going on with me.

This past weekend I had the pleasure of watching The Other Guys starring Will Ferrel, Mark Wahlberg and the Eva Mendes. I loved it and so did my son. My wife says we both owe her a movie. Oh well. One of the highlights of the movie was the hot little tune below that features Mendes, a woman who between her Latina sabor and her mole, leaves me feeling like my skin is melting and Cee-Lo Green, a very eccentric singer who never met a song he couldn't sing.