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What A Single Woman Wants: Part 1

This past weekend I found myself having several conversations with several single women about marriage. Obviously the subject of men came up quite frequently in these discussions. So I got to thinking, what if I had a few single women weigh in on what it is they're looking for? It would be the perfect opportunity for us folks in the married club to get a check-up. To either take stock on what we have. Or take note on where we as men might be falling short. Please give a warm MMWH welcome to our first guest Single Woman Blogger, Brooke Dean!

Singles Ladies Want...Everything
by Brooke Dean

When E asked me to guest blog for him on what single women want, I thought to myself “Sure, this should be easy.” After all, I’m a single lady right? And I know what I want.

But I’d be lying if I said I knew what ALL single women wanted. I could say they all want to be married…but that wouldn’t be true. Beyonce would have you think we want all men to put a ring on it…when really all we might want is a date here and there, some mind blowing sex every once in a while and some Manolos. As Sex and the City has taught us – being single has its perks…and with the divorce rate the way it is, the grass looks a lot greener on our side of the fence.

That being said, most women want to be with, sleep with, date or ultimately marry a certain kind of man. We know all the correct adjectives to spit out when asked what we’re looking for in the opposite sex. We know what sounds good. He has to be tall, dark, handsome, smart, generous, kind, passionate, athletic, ambitious, dedicated, faithful, have all of his teeth and probably a job.

Yet, when I look at all the men my single friends are dating, they rarely possess all the traits listed above. We’d be lucky if he looked half way decent, could hold a conversation with noun/verb agreement, looked like he might have some dental insurance and a Metro Card.

What women look for in a man, and in an eventual relationship/marriage, varies from woman to woman. But what it really comes down to is women want everything. Yes, I said everything. We want the alpha male who rocks a Brooks Brothers suit everyday and jeans and construction boots on the weekends. We want a man who is strong and can protect us with street smarts, yet has an MBA and drives a fancy looking car. We want him to listen to us, change diapers, and rub our feet…but not be a pushover and be able to dunk like Kobe. Basically, we want the perfect man…the man who doesn’t exist…but sounds good on paper.

I will concede that my monumental generalization doesn’t apply to every single female on the planet, so I’ll just enlighten you all as to what I want…and if single women out there agree with me…then even better J

What draws me to a man like a moth to a flame is confidence. No, I don’t mean arrogance or cockiness. It’s not something that can be learned or faked. He either has it or he doesn’t. And I don’t just mean in the workplace, or in the bedroom or on the court. A man with true confidence displays it in all aspects of his life, even if not on a constant basis. In most cases, it needs to be generally present in the face of life’s challenges.

True personal confidence is important because it screams an “I can handle it” attitude. And when we say, “I can handle it” – what we really mean is he can handle us – flaws and all. There doesn’t have to be any “machismo” involved. It doesn’t mean he can’t show fear, or doubt, or be vulnerable. But in simple yet dynamic ways, confidence will show through competence in his job, education, habits, hobbies, friendships, and his overall attitude towards life and its obstacles. Why does this matter? Because ultimately we want to respect him so that he can make us feel secure. Having confidence means he’ll do his best at everything – and will take on the biggest risk of his life – the ultimate emotional challenge – loving us.

What women – single or married – are afraid of is committing to a man who is afraid of her – sexually, intellectually and emotionally. A confident man is willing to relate to women on all levels and isn’t afraid of taking the risk to love her – because he knows the reward will be great. We want a man who will respond to risk with courage, not fear.

A man who is sure of himself is authentic, genuine and real – he is a man who places a purpose behind his risks. He takes risks to better himself - and at the end of the day, a man who will better himself will create a world that women will invite themselves to live in.

However, none of this matters if you’re not a mature, confident woman yourself – because you won’t recognize, value or appreciate that confident man when he comes around. Confident men see confident women as an addition to his life. Confidence can’t be faked - I’ve tried. It must resonate from within. This is the guy that women will fight for – because we know that he’ll fight for us. A confident man has integrity and is the trophy all single ladies want to win. He is the guy that ultimately offers us…everything.


Brooke blogs about EVERYTHING over at Brookey's Cafe Blog. Please drop by and show her some love.

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