One More Year (Of Possibilities)

Last year I wrote a Happy Birthday post to myself that was bubbling vitriol --- a cry against all that I wished hadn't happened on my birthday. In retrospect I would been better off 1) stating my concerns aloud instead of hashing them out online, and 2) not doing anything but what I wanted to do on my birthday so I wouldn't have been upset in the first place.

Yes, folks I have learned a lot in this past year, but instead of all the finger-pointing that human nature might have driven me to do in the past, I only have one person I can honestly say I've come to know much better than ever before.

That person is me.

Today I am 39 years old.

My father was 39 and established when he had me. I had two kids by the age of 35.

My father was very settled and secure in his career path and had a couple degrees under his belt. I have a couple degrees under my belt and from what I've been able to determine a spiritual gifting for writing (as I put close to know effort into what I pour out onto the page I cannot honestly take credit for most of what I blog. If anything I genuinely believe I'm a vessel.)

At 28, I wrote out a plan for myself and I love to write down my plans.

When I wrote the plan I could see it clear as a bell. I was established and comfortable standing at the bow of a boat. I was holding a child that was mine and a woman who loved me was close by enjoy the water. She was a little on the exotic side. I was 39 I was established and I was happy. Clearly all of what I envisioned hasn't and may not come to pass but I believe the vision was a metaphor for success, satisfaction, contentment and my knowing and having true love in my life.

And I believe I'm almost there.

When my father was 39 he had a full head of silver/gray wavy hair. I rock a shaved head with a shock of white hair running through my goatee.

When my father was 39 he had been married for several years. I'm coming up on my third year of marriage in 2 weeks.

Clearly I have an issue with comparing my life to my father's.

I'm working on it.

At 39 I am the proud father of a toddler and a teen.

I have the body of a man ten years younger than me. And feel no different than I did four years younger than that.

I do have a genuine understanding and foundation of what REAL love is even if I don't have a full grasp on applying or receiving it in my own life.

I love my children and my children KNOW I love them. Thus they walk and act with the confidence and boldness that comes from knowing they have encouragement, they have support and they have love.

I have the courage to get over myself and acknowledge that I need to practice as much as I preach. I'm taking the necessary steps to reroute that which is running off the rails in my life and not act as if "it's all good."

I love God more than I ever have before and move confidently knowing he's got me in the palm of his hand as long as I stay near to him...

That's a challenge and a half...

A friend wished me Happy Birthday on Facebook and referred to this past year of my life as a "Year of Reinvention." Though I am thankful for all the birthday wishes that are pouring in, these words ring out the loudest to me because of their dead-on accuracy.

I could go on. But today is my birthday. I've already spent half of it getting my car fixed. I don't want to spend the rest sitting in front of a computer.

Thanks for all the love!


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