- Why is the front door unlocked? If I get robbed I'm putting all of y'all out in the street!
- Keep it up and I will hang you upside down by your toenails...yeah, really.
- Who left these lights on? I will empty your college fund out right now and go on vacation.
- I didn't hear you...what did you say? (pause and lean in close to hear) You sure you want to repeat that?
- You got five seconds to get it together --- 5...4...3...2...1 (repeated twice)
- Oh my God, go to bed! The only thing going on right now is me trying to get some sleep.
- Don't show up at my front door after curfew. No, I mean, don't bother coming home and don't think you're coming home the next day either.
- Your what? (lean in and pause for answer - usually silence) Nothing in here is yours except the body God gave you.
- (To my son after he says something ridiculous) Do I have to punch you in the head?
- (While driving) Hold on... (while pulling to side of road or highway or into some parking lot in the middle of nowhere) Get out. Since you got so much mouth you can talk your way home. Good luck with that.
I love my kids.
Happy Father's Day.
Want to add to this list? Please do in the comments and please keep in mind this is all in fun, anything offensive won't be posted.
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