Parents give your kids the time and space they need to be children. It's easy for us as adults to be totally blinded by the frenetic pace of our lives, always being on, always having something more to do, never having enough time to do any of it. Understand that kids aren't able to move as fast as us (especially if they have to because you're behind schedule) nor should they have to. They have the rest of their lives to be stressed based on their own actions. Do your best not to stress them out because of yours. For example, if they take "too long" getting ready for school, maybe you need to get up a little earlier in order to get them up early enough so you don't lose your mind and your patience trying to get them out of the house. Lord knows I do. This doesn't let them off the hook for everything, but it does when you are the one at fault.


Meet Ross and watch his testimony on what it means to be a father..

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I recently had a revolutionary revelation around fatherhood. That's right, a revolutionary revelation. Early last week I was exposed to a friend's Facebook post where plenty of female commenters beat on their chests with regard to their superiority as the "master parent." I found it painful and heartbreaking, being the sensitive soul that I am. For years now I've beat my drum (a.k.a. written on my blog) about all that Dad brings to the table. I've got plenty of cards in my back pocket I can whip out to justify our necessity and explain our equivalence in this parenting game, and why both are necessary. But finally it hit me --- I don't have to. At all.

I've developed a new exercise to keep my daughter grounded in what matters and to keep her from focusing on the negative (as far too many of us adults do). I felt I needed to do something different than lecturing her, daily, on why she should be grateful and running down the list of all the things we do as parents. It was growing tiresome and something about didn't feel right. And I wasn't certain she was even listening. What I opted to do is very simple. So simple, I didn't believe it would work:

Before bedtime, I ask her what she was thankful for during that day.
In the morning, I ask her what she is thankful for.

The first couple of days I was getting answers such as, "sleep," and "no school" but a few days in something pretty amazing began to happen. Not only did her answers suddenly become more substantial, such as, "I'm glad I had a good night's rest so I can have a good day at school," she makes a point to remind me when I don't ask her. Now, we are even having conversations around the things she's grateful for.

What are you thankful for? Think about it. What if, everyday, you had to dwell on what you are thankful for? Imagine the difference in could make in your life.

What are you thankful for?

photo credit: MTSOfan via photopin cc

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I fell in love with this video the first time I saw it while watching it with my colleagues at work. It literary spoke to my soul. At the time, I thought of it as a great piece of brand storytelling. I even referenced it in an industry blog post. But there was something that haunted me about the video and it wasn't the state of modified foods. It was the scarecrow himself and his smoldering dissatisfaction with everything going on around him. Things that most folks were giving no thought to, tossing off the continual perversion of their lives (or in this case, the food they were eating) as normal.

And so it goes with me, your friendly neighborhood Dad-Man, who's consistently been at this blogging game since 2008. I often find myself heartbroken by this world where we currently live. I tire daily of the gong that social media has become for hatred. I tire of the ongoing battle of the sexes in the supposed game of love because at it's core there is mostly lust being inaccurately referenced as love. Divorce is now commonplace and a topic of conversation for those who should just be focused on playing and drawing.

If you are in the care of a teen, sexting may not be a part of your conversation with them. But best believe, they've had a conversation about it, at least once, with someone else. Here is an infographic from www.uKnowKids.com that presents some pretty hard facts that will bring the subject home for you:

Click Image, Then Zoom For Full Size

"What if a child dreamed of becoming something other than what society intended...?"

This is a quote from the recent Man of Steel movie but it is oh so applicable to this real life. So what if a child does dream, and all children do, how does he or she become more than the limiting, dimwitted expectations placed upon them? Recent events have crystallized for more than ever that it's time for us parents to reclaim our children. It's time to shut down or at least talk about the dehumanizing media produced by profiteering suits that foster pointless pathologies filled with hate and misogyny. It's time to treat our kids exactly as they are: kids. Let's love them, raise them and educate them. It may not be easy but it is absolutely necessary. Teach them. Love them. Talk to them constantly.

And to the men reading this: be fathers to your kids. Having a father is every child's right. Don't let your kids down.

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FACT: NEARLY 1 OUT OF 3 CHILDREN IN THE UNITED STATES GROW UP WITHOUT A FATHER

8 Steps A Father Can Take to Reconnect With His Kid(s)

Below are practical action steps from “Oprah’s Lifeclass” episode ‘Fatherless Sons: The Reaction’ that every father can take in an effort to reconnect with his children (as provided by expert Geoffrey Canada):

1. Pick your son up from school
2. Cook a meal together
3. Take a day off of work to go on a school trip
4. Go to parent/teacher conferences
5. Show up at school just because
6. Go to the school play
7. Show up at graduation
8. Teach your child about something you love

Inspire The Dad In Your Life To Be His Best All Year Long

Be sure to tune in for the NEW EPISODE of ‘Oprah’s LIFECLASS’ Fatherless Sons: THE REACTION

Time: SUNDAY, JULY 7 at 9pm ET/PT

Station: OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network

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This past Saturday was very bright and very sunny. My family and I spent most of it outdoors. At one point, I noticed a man in a car staring at my daughter while she, my son, my father-in-law and I were sitting outside an ice cream shop. I naturally became concerned when he called out to me and asked if this was my family. I answered yes and he told me, "First off you have a beautiful family and second, I just had a baby girl and the way you look right now is what I'm shooting for." It was then that I noticed the baby seat in the back seat of his car. I thanked him and wished him well as he drove off. You never know when or how you can make an impression on someone. Even when minding your own business. As my Mom always says, "Make sure you're wearing clean underwear..."

Parenting Advice Should Be Free

This got me thinking about the parenting book I wrote a couple years back. In a perfect world, I would have loved for this book to have been the one to make me financially independent. But this didn't happen and after my exchange with the young dad on Saturday my priorities have changed completely. Now I simply want to give it away. To quote many of the little shoplifters that used to get nabbed when   I was working at Barnes & Noble, "Knowledge should be free." Especially when it's advice on fatherhood, one of the more challenging courses available to humanity.

99 Cents or Less At the Kindle Store

Magna Carta this is not. But Kindle it is. According to Kindle's rules I can't sell the book for any less than 99 cents. Darn! But if you're an Amazon Prime member it's free of charge. Yes! And what's best: you don't have to have a Kindle to read a Kindle book, just the mobile or desktop app.

Inspire the Dad In Your Life All Year Long

When I first wrote this book I wrote it to inspire fathers as I'm most concerned about doing my part to empower and encourage dads. But after looking it over once it was done, it can and should be read by both mothers and fathers as it will keep you on your game and remind you of what's important in a world filled with so many things that are not.

• The book is called: DAD: As Easy As A, B, C! (of course it really isn't, but it may feel this way after reading through the pages and completing the included workbook exercises)
• Price: FREE, if you are an Amazon Prime member, otherwise it's 99 cents.

I sincerely hope you will make it a part of your library today.

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Father's Day Is For FATHERS: A Public Service Announcement from E.Payne on Vimeo.

When it comes to fathers and Father's Day we always hear about what men need to do to be better fathers, etc. You never hear this conversation in advance of Mother's Day. Father's Day is all about celebrating the fathers that DO in the lives of their children, not the men that DON'T in the lives of their kids. There's no argument that we shouldn't aggressively address the issue of fatherless, especially since it fosters so many societal ills. However on Father's Day lets set this day aside to actually celebrate fathers --- the men who assume the role and responsibilities that come with rearing and loving their children.

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Every so often I'll catch glimpse of it. In my iPhone, in a window and often times at night. I look at it and don't understand it, where it came from, why it exists, who it is and why is it attached to me. It's my face staring back at me asking the same question, maybe for the same reasons. How did I get here? Yesterday I was graduating high school and as lost about life as I wanted to be. Now I'm providing guidance to...children of all people. And I'm viewed a positive and strong. Which, for me on some days, is just outrageously laughable. But maybe this is what the parenting game is all about, often wondering if you're good enough and chasing this pursuit perpetually.

I sit here typing these words understanding that I have no choice in this "growing up" and all the attachments of responsibility that came with it. I guess some people choose not to even when they bring kids into the world, but that was never going to happen with me. I've embraced it all even when I haven't understood them.

There has been an incredible amount of anticipation and tension for one of the culminating moments in our lives as a family --- my son's graduation from high school. I'd been repairing the house and painting it for weeks for the twelve family members who were coming to stay with us. I've been so busy that I haven't blogged in weeks. What's worse, I didn't even have any ideas of what to blog about and worse than that, I didn't care. The twelve arrived and then some more. Then my kitchen sink sprang a leak once everyone was here. I called the plumber but he never showed (I guess he doesn't like money). I finally discovered the leak on my own but not before water began pooling in my garage from two days worth of repeatedly flooding the cabinet beneath the sink. With a wife who is a serious cook and so many people around, there was no way we were not going to be able to use it. In the end I wound up replacing the whole faucet with my father after almost everyone left.

A few days ago my daughter asked me what her greatest weakness is. I told her she is very smart. Because of that she sometimes talks more than she listens. She then asked me what her mother's greatest weakness was and I answered, "No comment." She begged and pleaded but I refused to get on that train. She asked about her brother and then asked me what I thought mine is. I told her that until recently I've always had a hard time saying "no" for fear of upsetting and disappointing others. And in the process I've volunteered to do a lot of things I never wanted to do or been trapped in places I never wanted to be. She said, "Well, you tell me no." I laughed and said, "That's different. That's me trying to be a parent and take care of you." She got it.

What is your greatest weakness?

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This week I personally learned a lesson I thought I already knew. Multitasking is cool (but not exactly natural for humans), but getting things done, one job at a time, is better.

My morning duties include getting the kids' food ready for the day, breakfast and lunch and somehow in the midst of that making my own breakfast and lunch and brewing coffee for my wife and myself. I always take care of the kids, and I'm pretty on point when it comes to the coffee for the wife. But it's been hit or miss whether or not I take care of myself. I often leave the house feeling disorganized and the rest of the time I'm leaving stuff at home, such as my phone, and at my worst, my work laptop.

Yesterday I stumbled across an open letter from a father of a 3-year old girl to Victoria's Secret addressing their launch of a line of underwear for young teen girls. Technology is one thing. Soda, cigarettes and fast food is another. They all can and should be debated, but underwear (lingerie)? You can see the product line here. You decide if you want your daughter wearing these and/or you want some boy or your own boy knowing a girl is wearing these.

To be frank, can't our kids age and struggle and try to get into trouble on their own without the aid and augmentation of retail enterprise? Should a line be drawn? When is enough enough? When do we stop the enterprises that see our kids as nothing more than the next sales crop? Do we write letters, argue with each other on social media or do we simply stop endorsing what we don't support by sternly choosing not to purchase?

There was a shooting at my son's high school yesterday. The student who brought the gun to school accidentally shot themselves and it ended right there (a la Plaxico Burress). The rumor is the person had it on their person to protect themselves from some beef brewing in their life and not to attack someone else. It happened first thing in the morning and my son asked to come home. We obliged, and another parent who is a friend of the family signed him out and brought him home.

It was a stupid incident, as stupid and senseless as all of these school incidents are. Luckily, this time only the "shooter" was injured and thankfully, their injuries aren't life threatening. It touched me today. It was too close to home. Just as close if not closer than when Trayvon Martin was killed last year. If I could pull him out of there I would, but where would I send him?

Last night I did the unthinkable and definitely unimaginable...

I touched up my daughter's blowout with her brush and hair dryer doing my best to remember how Mom does it and then I did what mom doesn't always do...I wrapped it. Admittedly, this didn't go so well. Call it a lack of skill, preparation and bobby pins. Then hair was everywhere. However at one point while I was straightening up the mess I made, my daughter loudly said, "Daddy you're doing good!" I smiled. This isn't the first time I've been home alone, nor is it my first time doing her hair. Regardless my little girl is way kinder than any kindness I've ever deserved.

*Sigh.*

It's the little things that make the world go 'round.

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I am home alone with the kids until Saturday and the Mister Payne household is already kicking into high gear. Yesterday the son took out and the trash and washed the dishes without having to be asked. My daughter has yet to throw a temper tantrum. The downstairs is spotless after a full meal (not takeout). Dinner has been planned for the week and lunch is made for tomorrow. We're talking but it's quiet and I may actually get to bed before midnight for the first time in months. Yesss (in Napoleon Dynamite voice)!

Nothing against my wife, but the kids are way more rowdy when it is the two of us. Maybe they are playing off the two of us? Maybe my wife's energy overpowers my typically mellow disposition? I'm not sure but it happens whenever she goes out of town --- the kids listen and the house runs like a smooth sailing ship.

How about in your house? Do the kids act differently when it is just one or both of you?

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My Tuesday went sideways when I received a call from my daughter's school 40 minutes after arriving to work. I packed up my desk, walked rout the door and drove 30 miles right back to where I had just dropped her off. I collected my sick and weary child, took her out to lunch and drove back to work to make a meeting I was running.

I expected my Wednesday evening to be a mellow one once I got home from work, taking turns with my wife who opted to keep her home from school and work from home. Instead I never went to sleep, staying up all night watching over her as she struggled to sleep despite all that was paining her.

Today I just knew she'd be better, and looked forward to tearing through my to-do list. Instead she began to fade almost immediately after waking up. I called her doctor every hour on the hour from 11am to 3pm until we had an appointment at 5pm. She got a couple of shots, more meds than I'd care for her to have and is on the mend. We celebrated at Wendy's. Now she's asleep and I'm still awake, trying to take inventory of all that I was supposed to do today. But you know what? All that stuff can take a back seat or suck and egg as us old folks used to say when we were young'ns. I wouldn't trade being a father for anything in the world. My job as caretaker of my kids is the best job I've ever had...and then some. I'm sure there's plenty of people who disagree, but I wouldn't have it any other way. In good times and bad I've been blessed by the experience - It all Makes Me Wanna Holler!

We're talking about this on Facebook too!

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This is quite possibly one of he best, if not the best, father-son pic I've ever seen. With over a million views and it being shared all over the Internet, I'm not alone in this belief. It's entitled "I know a good dad when I see one." Reddit user, resgestae, snapped this pic at a Home Depot store. This Dad clearly decided to stay in character with his son and is totally unaware of the camera that would share his Power of Dad with the world.

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It's only been a few days but 2013 has truly been a year of Restoration for me. And I can't wait to share some of my good news with you as I am allowedable.

As a new friend I met put it, I am doing what I am supposed to in order to "position myself properly" to receive God's blessings. (Tangent to be continued in a later post).

Part of this restorative process for me was to join a discussion group attached to the church I attend. And it has been a wonderful experience spending time with like-minded individuals who are invested in growing their personal relationships with The Man Upstairs.

In the midst of our discussions I revealed I am a Dad and not only a Dad but a Dad blogger. It's impossible not to divulge this nugget when I am asked what I'm passionate about.

Looking at my life from my own lens everyday is pretty regular and routine for me. I do what I do from before sun up and continue usually past midnight. It is a part of me, who I am, like my name and my skin color and the fact that I rock a baldie. I don't even think about it.

So I was surprised when during a recent meeting my being a dad came up more than once --- unknowingly couched as a hindrance. With the following statement spoken in jest being the one that stood out to me the most. I'm paraphrasing, but not much:

"You're a dad and all, I don't want you to get into trouble with the wife for spending too much money on lunch...you do have a family."

When news of Shawty Lo's new reality show, All My Babies' Mamas, first broke I was silent online. I talked about it with my wife in the real world but deep down inside I feared what might happen if this show made it to the airwaves. What would all the babies who watch TV unsupervised think? How would they be impacted by this nonsense? What would all the people who buy into reality TV believe? How badly would the reality of the African American man and father be permanently tarnished by this show that I REFUSE to link to (or display any pics of) in any way whatsoever. Worser still, what would white people think --- the ones who don't think too highly of us to begin with and those who, because we are of different cultures, really might not know what to think or believe. I felt silence was my best protest while many others stormed social media, signed a petition and worked almost tirelessly to shut this nonsense down.

Thankfully this time, this loud majority has swayed the thinking of the television producers to cancel this "show" before it ever had a chance to be the biggest PR disaster in the history of fatherhood. It is a perfect example of social media for social good at work. One such member of this majority is the dynamic duo, Ronnie and Lamar Tyler of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com - A Positive Image of Marriage and Family. They were there when the rumor became truth that this show was slated to air and from what I can tell they were one of the first to break the story of it's premature demise. To get their take on things, keep reading:

Shawty NO: Controversial Reality Show Gets Canceled

You can continue reading this article where it originally appeared.


Thoughts? Please, let me know in the Facebook or Disqus comment sections below. We can also talk about it on Twitter at @EPayneTheDad.