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What A Single Woman Wants: Part 4

A few weeks back I got to thinking, what if I had a few single women speak on what a single woman wants in a relationship? It would be the perfect opportunity for us folks in the married club to get a check-up. To either take stock on what we have or take note on where we as men might be falling short. After all, it may seem as if it were ancient history but once upon a time our wives were single too!

Please give a warm MMWH welcome to our fourth guest Single Woman Blogger, Ms. Calandra Hackney.

Be What You Want
by Calandra Hackney

I am a firm believer in asking the universe for what it is you desire, and it will manifest itself in abundance. A couple of years ago I was at the end of my rope and something had to give. I had started a new job that did not pay me in abundance and my rent was exorbitant. I was doing the typical New York thing of barely making ends meet. One night I was in my apartment and I pulled out a piece of paper and wrote a prayer basically telling the Lord that one of three things needed to happen:

  1. A job in NYC that paid $80,000+
  2. A tenure track professorship in North Carolina, specifically the Triangle area (that is where I’m originally from)
  3. A one bedroom apartment in NYC for $600 a month

The latter of the three happened and my rent is actually cheaper than $600 a month! The moment I spoke it in the affirmative, let it go and trusted it happened in divine order. So, I get the bright idea to do the same thing asking for the man that I want. Hey, why not I got a one bedroom to show for it? One night I took out a writing pad and made a long list of what I was looking for in my soul mate, my man. He was tall, Black, handsome, respectful, had lucrative income, and loved his Mama to name a few. I spoke every single word on that list out loud in the affirmative, prayed, put it under my pillow and slept on it. A couple of days later I do laundry not even thinking about my list. Obviously I had let it go and was trusting, right? I go to get the linen out of the dryer and there it was balled up, tight, the blue ink having disappeared, my man, a crispy ball at the bottom of the dryer.

I started to think after that why am I creating this list of what I want or am looking for in my man because it’s not happening. I started to really look at what I was asking for and of course thought the list was unrealistic and I should probably lower my standards. Take these for example which are two things I happen to want in a man: My soul mate is someone that is generous and is able to give as well as receive and my soul mate and I are spiritually connected. As I was looking at these two specific attributes that I wanted in my man I had to ask myself do I exhibit the same attributes. In order to receive you have to give. Am I generous in my daily life? And I’m not talking monetarily. Do I give love, a nice thought, a blessing, do a good deed? And as far as spirituality I had to ask if I was being my best spiritual self. In order for anything that you ask for to manifest itself you to have to be what it is you are asking for. If you want love you have to be love. If you want things created in your life you have to be creative.

What single women want varies especially when we get down to specifics and type and all that good stuff but I believe at the core we are all looking for unconditional love in the mate that we are asking for and that love must first start from within. Once we are loving ourselves and operating through love, not fear, anything is possible. Be what it is you want. Be love!

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