A couple months back I launched a guest blogger series, What A Single Woman Wants, as an opportunity to share with us, tired and dusty married folk, what people on the front lines of romance are seeking. I wasn't sure what the call for writers would produce. The response was great. I then thought I was going to have to sit and edit, edit, edit. Instead I was blown away by the well crafted, thoughtful pieces I received. I was equally surprised by readers' response. Traffic was heavy for each post and it confirmed my site demographics --- the women far outnumber the men as far as readership here and when given the opportunity to voice their opinions, they will. If I was disappointed by any one thing it would have to be another function of these same demographics. The call for single women writers was open to anyone, and many did inquire, but in the end only African American women submitted articles. I believe love and the natural pursuit/happenings of love knows no color, class or nationality. Personally, I would've enjoyed hearing the thoughts of those who are white, Latina, Asian, pink, purple and polka dot in more than just the comments. Most of the experiences recorded here at Makes Me Wanna Holler - Man, Dad, Husband are common to all. Therefore, this blog is open to all.

So for the finale of this series I opted to change the title to What Women Want because single or married, the overarching sentiments expressed by these six single women can be applied to women in general. In fact, not only did these sentiments trump marital status, they trumped gender as well. What these women want in their man-to-be, everyone wants or has wanted in a partner at one point or another. This is their reminder to us all. Ladies and gentlemen, please get your pens and notepads ready.


Six Single Ladies on What Women Want:


TO BE PREPARED FOR THE ONE

Diamonte Hamlett says...

“Chivalry is alive and well; it’s just in all the men that women do not want”. [told to her by a man behind the register at McDonald's]

I was speechless. His statement was both a prophetic and descriptive analysis of my life at that point in time and even up until very recently. I had to admit to myself, several men had crossed my path and embodied many of attributes we as women say we want. These men were honest, thoughtful, romantic, unselfish, successful, committed, understanding, communicative, well adjusted and spiritual. While I wanted those qualities, I did not particularly want it from those men...

When someone asks me what I want, I am wise enough to admit that I do not know what I want. It has become clear that this journey is less about what I want and more about how I plan to be a person of sound enough character to handle it once it manifests.

If we allow it, singleness can lead us to a love that exceeds our greatest expectations and colors outside of the lines of our best drafted list.

Click here to read the rest of Diamonte's guest post.


CONFIDENCE

Brooke Dean says....

What draws me to a man like a moth to a flame is confidence. No, I don’t mean arrogance or cockiness. It’s not something that can be learned or faked. He either has it or he doesn’t. And I don’t just mean in the workplace, or in the bedroom or on the court. A man with true confidence displays it in all aspects of his life, even if not on a constant basis. In most cases, it needs to be generally present in the face of life’s challenges.

Click here to read the rest of Brooke's guest post.


COMPANIONSHIP & CAMARADERIE

Wynella Reid says...

Most days, I want nothing more than someone to greet me either when I get home from work or come in the door after me and wrap his arms around my waist while I change out of my work clothes. At other times I long for someone for whom I can prepare a great meal because I love to cook. (I want a man that I can fatten up so that no one else will want him. hah-hah). I would also like someone to do boy things with my boys. It’s a given that if you want to be with me you have to want to be with my boys. After all, if you want the cat you have to take the kittens too. At other times while the boys are in bed I want him to be the person with whom I can watch silly flicks or foreign films while cuddling on the couch.

Click here to read the rest of Wynella's guest post.


UNCONDITIONAL SUPPORT A.K.A. THE ONE-MAN PEP BAND

Veronica Miller says...

We all have our esoteric interests. So it’s not loving dance that’s important to me; it’s knowing that I love it and honoring that fact. The boyfriend couldn’t tell me the difference between a plié and a jeté, but that lack of knowledge didn't hold a candle to what he gave me. And in those moments of self-doubt and anxiety, that support is crucial. It could be the difference between a great audition, or falling flat on the floor.

When a woman has a one-man pep band playing for her, she feels like she can take on the world --- and whether she wins or not, she gets to come home to someone who’s still cheering, regardless.

Click here to read the rest of Veronica's guest post.


TO BE THE ONE YOU DREAMED OF

RaN'ae Bacon says...

What we really want is the opportunity to be everything to you as well. We want to be your lover, your best friend, your motivator, your #1 cheerleader, your hot chick that makes your friends jealous and your voice of reason. Most of all we want someone that wants and needs all of this from us. We want our man to appreciate and believe when we say, “Baby, you got this, because I got you!”

Click here to read the rest of RaN'ae's guest post.


TO LOVE & BE LOVED

Calandra Hackney says...

I had to ask myself do I exhibit the same attributes. In order to receive you have to give. Am I generous in my daily life? And I’m not talking monetarily. Do I give love, a nice thought, a blessing, do a good deed? And as far as spirituality I had to ask if I was being my best spiritual self. In order for anything that you ask for to manifest itself you to have to be what it is you are asking for. If you want love you have to be love. If you want things created in your life you have to be creative.

What single women want varies especially when we get down to specifics and type and all that good stuff but I believe at the core we are all looking for unconditional love in the mate that we are asking for and that love must first start from within. Once we are loving ourselves and operating through love, not fear, anything is possible.

Click here to read the rest of Calandra's post.


I hope this was as enjoyable for you as it was for me. We (myself and the single ladies) would love to hear your thoughts and opinions on this series in the comments section of this post.

Have You Subscribed Yet? * Are You On Facebook? * Do You Tweet?

A few weeks back I got to thinking, what if I had a few single women speak on what a single woman wants in a relationship? It would be the perfect opportunity for us folks in the married club to get a check-up. To either take stock on what we have or take note on where we as men might be falling short. After all, it may seem as if it were ancient history but once upon a time our wives were single too!

I hope you like this installment as much as I do. I'll say why at another date and time so as to not steal her thunder. Who is "her"? She's Veronica Miller and she's bringing a whole lot to the Holler Spot just as all our guest bloggers have...


What a Single Woman Wants? The One-Man Pep Band
by Veronica Miller

I came home exhausted. I signed up for a weekend-long dance convention, and came home from the first day, spent and reeling from the five hours of classes. Five hours of popping, jumping, sliding, 5,6,7,8-ing. At the time, I had a part-time job as a kids’ dance teacher, and I’d decided to go to the convention to pick up some fresh for my 8-year-old students. Who knew I’d wear out my arms during a crash course on locking? And who knew I’d be taking class with people who’d been in movies, on stage and on TV? I’m just a girl from Pittsburgh that likes to move. It was exhausting, overwhelming, and exhilarating all at once.

I shared all this on my nightly phone call with the guy I was dating at the time. It was a long-distance romance, but we chatted for hours on end each night. That night, I collapsed on my bed, exhaling. “I’m so exhausted, babe!”

“But you love it,” he said. “You’re tired but you had a great time.”

I smiled. “I know...I took this awesome class with Dave Scott, and he --”

“Wait, who?”

I smiled. I forgot my boyfriend didn’t exactly have an encyclopedic knowledge of choreographers -- or dance at all, for that matter. “The guy who choreographed 'You Got Served.'"

"OH! ...Yo, that movie was hot!"

“Yes, it was,” I laughed. “I took his class and it was awesome. Now I have to figure out if I’m going to this audition tomorrow.”

“Audition?”

“Yeah, the people who plan this convention produce a show at the end of the summer. So they’re auditioning people to be in the cast.”

“Ooh. And where’s the show?”

“It’s in California. So if I audition, and they happen to like me, there might be chance of going to L.A.”

“YOU’RE GOING TO L.A.?!” he exclaimed, excitedly.

“No, babe.” I giggled. “Calm down. I have to audition first, then, maybe, if do well enough ---

“IF you do well enough? What are you talking about?”

“Because babe,” I said, feeling an uncharacteristic anxiety setting in, “there are so many incredible dancers at this thing, and you know I only dance part-time. I mean, everyone is so good! I don’t even know if ---”

“No,” he interrupted. “NO! F#@& THAT! I don’t want to hear it. You are going to go to that audition in the morning, you’re going to dance your little dancer-girl behind off, they’re going to love you, and pick you, and then YOU’RE GOING TO L.A. And then when the show happens, I’ma be in the crowd with signs and confetti and foghorns and shit. Screw that. YOU’RE GOING to L.A.”

I should interject and say that the odds were stacked up against me in this audition. There were close to a hundred dancers trying out, and a number of them already had professional credits under their belts. I was, if nothing else, a no-name underdog. But I couldn’t say that now. Not with my boyfriend leading the cheer for his one-man pep squad. So I swallowed my anxiety and soaked up his encouragement -- hell, I’d need it if I was going up next to a hundred professionals -- and promised him I’d give a great audition in the morning.

The next day I headed back to the convention hall, my water bottle in my tote bag and my boyfriend’s pep talk in my back pocket. I stretched, learned the audition piece, and prepared to face the judges. I don’t remember much of the choreography, but I do remember dancing with a big, goofy grin on my face. One, because I was having a great time. And two, because I knew I had someone, even if he was three hours away, cheering for me to be great. I didn’t get chosen for the big show in L.A., but I did get to chat with the choreographer at the end of the day

"You know, I really loved you,” he said, “You were great."

“Really?”

"Yeah! You’re energy was awesome! You did a great job."

I pretty sure I grinned all the way home.

Later, the boyfriend seemed a bit bummed that there would be no trip to LA. (“I had a sign ready and everything,” he whined), but I assured him that his pep talk didn’t go to waste. “I had a GREAT audition,” I told him. “Even if I didn’t get picked. I felt amazing just being up there.” He helped me feel amazing.

The boyfriend and I parted ways some time later, but we remain friends to this day. What he doesn’t know (or didn’t know, lest he stumble upon this post now), is that that one pep talk, that one little nugget of encouragement, set the standard for the kind of encouragement I now know I need in a relationship.

I’m never surprised when I start dating a guy and find out that he has little to no interest in dance, and that’s fine by me. We all have our esoteric interests. So it’s not loving dance that’s important to me; it’s knowing that I love it and honoring that fact. The boyfriend couldn’t tell me the difference between a plié and a jeté, but that lack of knowledge didn't hold a candle to what he gave me. And in those moments of self-doubt and anxiety, that support is crucial. It could be the difference between a great audition, or falling flat on the floor.

When a woman has a one-man pep band playing for her, she feels like she can take on the world --- and whether she wins or not, she gets to come home to someone who’s still cheering, regardless.


Veronica Miller is a writer, radio producer -- and dancer -- living in Washington, DC. She blogs occasionally at veroniiblog.blogspot.com. She tweets constantly at twitter.com/veronicamarche. And if you're in the DC area, she'll be hitting the stage in November with Contradiction Dance


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A few weeks back I got to thinking, what if I had a few single women speak on what a single woman wants in a relationship? It would be the perfect opportunity for us folks in the married club to get a check-up. To either take stock on what we have or take note on where we as men might be falling short. After all, it may seem as if it were ancient history but once upon a time our wives were single too!

This week's entry is from Diamonte Hamlett. She blogs over at Single-Handed Mom. It is only in it's nascent stages but it's pretty darn good. You should definitely check it out after you read this inspiring post.


Singleness is Wholeness
by Diamonte Hamlett

When E. Payne first announced his guest blogging series, “What a Single Woman Wants”, I was at first filled with a sense of intrigue and then a sense of impending dread. I was intrigued, because after 6 years of a relationship that had run its course, I was again a single woman and a sense of dread because although I was single, I had no idea what I wanted.

It would be virtually impossible to write about what single women want when I had no clue. As I began to ponder my inability to articulate what I wanted, I realized that at this very moment in my life, I want nothing more than to be single, because single in many ways is the equivalent of wholeness. For me, singleness is not a burden, but rather an opportunity to purge my life of the things that detract from my purpose in order to allow my truer purpose to materialize.

Chivalry Isn't Dead

The topic of singleness made me think of a seemingly insignificant moment that happened to me a few years ago. I was at a fast food restaurant and a man let me move ahead of him in line.

Surprised by his gesture, I smiled and responded, “I guess chivalry is not dead.”

The guy at the register overheard my statement and responded with this succinct, but poignant statement:

“Chivalry is alive and well; it’s just in all the men that women do not want”.

I was speechless. His statement was both a prophetic and descriptive analysis of my life at that point time and even up until very recently. I had to admit to myself, several men had crossed my path and embodied many of attributes we as women say we want. These men were honest, thoughtful, romantic, unselfish, successful, committed, understanding, communicative, well adjusted and spiritual. While I wanted those qualities, I did not particularly want it from those men.

In response to their noble affections, I often ran scared, because what he was offering either didn’t come in the package I wanted, or I was so broken as a person that I had no idea how to receive that level of relationship or sustain it with someone who actually wanted the same thing I wanted. I found myself finding refuge in men that exacerbated the familiar ache of getting less than what I wanted and according to those who cared for me, less than what I deserved. The things I said I “wanted” were secondary to the prototype I wanted it from. Those qualities seemed so much more valuable coming from someone who did not innately possess them. Oh, the thrill of the chase.

Preparing For the Opportunity

So now, when someone asks me what I want, I am wise enough to admit that I do not know what I want. It has become clear that this journey is less about what I want and more about how I plan to be a person of sound enough character to handle it once it manifests. The answer to this question lies in my newfound belief about the purpose of singleness.

The Bible says, “What God hath put together, let no man put asunder.” For many years, I believed this verse was solely about married couples. It is indeed an edict that charges married couples to guard their union against outside influences who would seek to destroy it at all costs. In my state of newly minted singleness, I have begun to see this verse differently. It became clear to me that I am single woman, put together by the Creator, God. It is my duty to not let any man put that asunder.

When we become involved with people based on the litmus test of what “want”, we place ourselves at the peril of compromising what God has put together. In our singleness, we are in many ways joined to ourselves. This is sacred, because when the right person comes along it is this same “self” we will have to offer up.

Wholeness In Singleness

More than anything, our greatest desire as single women, must be wholeness. Singleness is our opportunity to understand that it is not any litany of noble attributes on a list that will bring purpose –driven love into our lives, but rather the quiet surrender found in the wisdom of not knowing what we want. If we allow it, singleness can lead us to a love that exceeds our greatest expectations and colors outside of the lines of our best drafted list.

For me, singleness is a healing process in which words cannot articulate what I really want. I plan to discover what I want, as I experience it for the very first time.

- Diamonte


Have something to say about being a Single Woman in the year 2010? Want to share your thoughts with the readers here at Makes Me Wanna Holler? There's only one spot left! Email me via my CONTACT PAGE for more information.

Have You Subscribed Yet? * Are You On Facebook? * Do You Tweet?

A few weeks back I got to thinking, what if I had a few single women speak on what a single woman wants in a relationship? It would be the perfect opportunity for us folks in the married club to get a check-up. To either take stock on what we have or take note on where we as men might be falling short. After all, it may seem as if it were ancient history but once upon a time our wives were single too!

Please give a warm MMWH welcome to our fourth guest Single Woman Blogger, Ms. Calandra Hackney.


Be What You Want
by Calandra Hackney

I am a firm believer in asking the universe for what it is you desire, and it will manifest itself in abundance. A couple of years ago I was at the end of my rope and something had to give. I had started a new job that did not pay me in abundance and my rent was exorbitant. I was doing the typical New York thing of barely making ends meet. One night I was in my apartment and I pulled out a piece of paper and wrote a prayer basically telling the Lord that one of three things needed to happen:

1. A job in NYC that paid $80,000+
2. A tenure track professorship in North Carolina, specifically the Triangle area (that is where I’m originally from)
3. A one bedroom apartment in NYC for $600 a month

The latter of the three happened and my rent is actually cheaper than $600 a month! The moment I spoke it in the affirmative, let it go and trusted it happened in divine order. So, I get the bright idea to do the same thing asking for the man that I want. Hey, why not I got a one bedroom to show for it? One night I took out a writing pad and made a long list of what I was looking for in my soul mate, my man. He was tall, Black, handsome, respectful, had lucrative income, and loved his Mama to name a few. I spoke every single word on that list out loud in the affirmative, prayed, put it under my pillow and slept on it. A couple of days later I do laundry not even thinking about my list. Obviously I had let it go and was trusting, right? I go to get the linen out of the dryer and there it was balled up, tight, the blue ink having disappeared, my man, a crispy ball at the bottom of the dryer.

I started to think after that why am I creating this list of what I want or am looking for in my man because it’s not happening. I started to really look at what I was asking for and of course thought the list was unrealistic and I should probably lower my standards. Take these for example which are two things I happen to want in a man: My soul mate is someone that is generous and is able to give as well as receive and my soul mate and I are spiritually connected. As I was looking at these two specific attributes that I wanted in my man I had to ask myself do I exhibit the same attributes. In order to receive you have to give. Am I generous in my daily life? And I’m not talking monetarily. Do I give love, a nice thought, a blessing, do a good deed? And as far as spirituality I had to ask if I was being my best spiritual self. In order for anything that you ask for to manifest itself you to have to be what it is you are asking for. If you want love you have to be love. If you want things created in your life you have to be creative.

What single women want varies especially when we get down to specifics and type and all that good stuff but I believe at the core we are all looking for unconditional love in the mate that we are asking for and that love must first start from within. Once we are loving ourselves and operating through love, not fear, anything is possible. Be what it is you want. Be love!


If you liked this post or any of the other posts on the Single Woman series please retweet this by clicking the Tweet button either at the top or bottom of this post and add the hashtag: #WSWW who knows it may even start trending!

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by RaN’ae A. Bacon

When the opportunity arose for me to write about what single women want, I thought, “I could do this!”

All single women could, right? How many times have we been out on a first date and had to answer the proverbial question, “So, what is that you are looking for in a man?” But as I write this, I have to admit that the answer is different for everyone.

Everyone knows the textbook answers. We want trust, honesty, passion, humor, and a family oriented spiritual man that interested in a monogamous relationship that can rock the boardroom as well as the bedroom. All of these qualities are a given.

Now, I don’t want to use the word older so I will say that I am a “mature” single woman and mother, and as I talk with my other “mature” single female friends, I would have to say that we want all that and then some more practical things as well. We love romance and appreciate the flowers and candy but we would love you more if you were the kind of guy that shoveled our driveway without us asking. We love going out and being treated like a queen but we love the kind of guy that would prepare us a home cooked meal. We don’t need you to be all about money but we need you to be a good provider. We don’t need you to look like Idris Elba but we want a man that takes care of his body and physical appearance (because we want to keep him around as long as possible). We don’t need you know everything but we want you to be open to learning and experiencing new things. We want you to be honest about you want and need, especially from us. We want someone we can tell our “bad day stories” to and rub our feet while listening. We want someone who doesn’t mind that we have to wear that scarf to bed because we need our hair to look right the next day. We want someone who would be just as content with us getting dressed to go out on the town as he would be sitting up in bed as we fall asleep reading. We don’t need to be up under you every waking moment but we want you to miss us when we’re not around. We don’t need you to be the star of the game but we need you to have a game plan.

Now after saying all that, I guess it’s fair to say we want everything, but what we really want is the opportunity to be everything to you as well. We want to be your lover, your best friend, your motivator, your #1 cheerleader, your hot chick that makes your friends jealous and your voice of reason. Most of all we want someone that wants and needs all of this from us. We want our man to appreciate and believe when we say, “Baby, you got this, because I got you!”

-RaN’ae (Nae, if you know me)

RaN’ae is the writer of Girlfriend, Let’s Talk! (www.girlfriendletstalk.net). She is new to the blogging world but she has a passion for helping people so she started her blog to giver her take on the lessons she learned (and are still learning) as a woman, friend, mother, etc. She hopes make you laugh, cry and think.


Have something to say about being a Single Woman in the year 2010? Want to share your thoughts with the readers here at Makes Me Wanna Holler? Email me via my CONTACT PAGE for more information.

A couple weeks back I got to thinking, what if I had a few single women speak on what a single woman wants in a relationship? It would be the perfect opportunity for us folks in the married club to get a check-up. To either take stock on what we have or take note on where we as men might be falling short. After all, it may seem as if it were ancient history but once upon a time our wives were single too!

Please give a warm MMWH welcome to our next guest Single Woman Blogger, Wynella Reid.


This Is What I Want
by Wynella Reid

I read the first post and I think Brooke did a great job in providing an overview of what single women want. I can’t add any more than what she wrote, but I can only speak to what I want, and I hope that there are a few other single women out there who agree with me.

I don’t have an issue with meeting men. Despite the constraints being a single mom places on my free time and the hoopla around the dearth of available Black men, I am able to meet nice guys with their teeth and a job relatively frequently. My girlfriend jokes that I always have a man in my company. My sister thinks I give everyone a chance, I deny it; not everyone but sometimes I know they aren’t a fit before I say “Sure, you can call me”. I figure Mr. Right can be anyone so I should keep myself open to the fact that he will be younger or older than me. Stouter or shorter than I prefer or he may not have any children of his own. Typically after two of our encounters they express an interest in wanting more and I usually want less; so because I’m usually very busy, it’s easy to let them fall to wayside. Bottom line there’s a lack of passion or chemistry.

Most days, I want nothing more than someone to greet me either when I get home from work or come in the door after me and wrap his arms around my waist while I change out of my work clothes. At other times I long for someone for whom I can prepare a great meal because I love to cook. (I want a man that I can fatten up so that no one else will want him. hah-hah). I would also like someone to do boy things with my boys. It’s a given that if you want to be with me you have to want to be with my boys. After all, if you want the cat you have to take the kittens too. At other times while the boys are in bed I want him to be the person with whom I can watch silly flicks or foreign films while cuddling on the couch.

He’ll give me feedback on my latest clothing purchases and let me know if my hems are too short or my pants are too snug for work. During the weekends when I have a break from the boys he’ll be the Mr. Oooh La La that Rissi Palmer sings about and “hold me like a Sunday Morning and rock me like a Saturday night.” I want him to call me when he’s out of town on business and check on me daily because being a single mom of two boys can drive you a little close to the edge. He’ll give me grown man hugs and kisses which I will gladly reciprocate. To borrow a phrase from a friend of mine, I want him to be “my assumed date”. What I want is passion, spark, chemistry and a genuine excitement to be with a person and of course that can’t happen without him having teeth and a job.

Wynella Reid is the Director for both the Office of Career Management and the Women’s Business Leadership Initiative for undergraduate students at Rutgers University Business School. Drawing on her years of experience in college recruiting she authors the blog, Build Brand You which emphasizes strategic brand development for college students, plus great tips for everyone else. When Ms Reid is not working and volunteering she’s“divamommying” two sons which she recounts in her blog, Adventures of a DivaMom, studying Spanish, cooking and trying out new hairstyles.

Have something to say about being a Single Woman in the year 2010? Want to share your thoughts with the readers here at Makes Me Wanna Holler? Email me via my CONTACT PAGE for more information.

This past weekend I found myself having several conversations with several single women about marriage. Obviously the subject of men came up quite frequently in these discussions. So I got to thinking, what if I had a few single women weigh in on what it is they're looking for? It would be the perfect opportunity for us folks in the married club to get a check-up. To either take stock on what we have. Or take note on where we as men might be falling short. Please give a warm MMWH welcome to our first guest Single Woman Blogger, Brooke Dean!


Singles Ladies Want...Everything
by Brooke Dean

When E asked me to guest blog for him on what single women want, I thought to myself “Sure, this should be easy.” After all, I’m a single lady right? And I know what I want.

But I’d be lying if I said I knew what ALL single women wanted. I could say they all want to be married…but that wouldn’t be true. Beyonce would have you think we want all men to put a ring on it…when really all we might want is a date here and there, some mind blowing sex every once in a while and some Manolos. As Sex and the City has taught us – being single has its perks…and with the divorce rate the way it is, the grass looks a lot greener on our side of the fence.

That being said, most women want to be with, sleep with, date or ultimately marry a certain kind of man. We know all the correct adjectives to spit out when asked what we’re looking for in the opposite sex. We know what sounds good. He has to be tall, dark, handsome, smart, generous, kind, passionate, athletic, ambitious, dedicated, faithful, have all of his teeth and probably a job.

Yet, when I look at all the men my single friends are dating, they rarely possess all the traits listed above. We’d be lucky if he looked half way decent, could hold a conversation with noun/verb agreement, looked like he might have some dental insurance and a Metro Card.

What women look for in a man, and in an eventual relationship/marriage, varies from woman to woman. But what it really comes down to is women want everything. Yes, I said everything. We want the alpha male who rocks a Brooks Brothers suit everyday and jeans and construction boots on the weekends. We want a man who is strong and can protect us with street smarts, yet has an MBA and drives a fancy looking car. We want him to listen to us, change diapers, and rub our feet…but not be a pushover and be able to dunk like Kobe. Basically, we want the perfect man…the man who doesn’t exist…but sounds good on paper.

I will concede that my monumental generalization doesn’t apply to every single female on the planet, so I’ll just enlighten you all as to what I want…and if single women out there agree with me…then even better J

What draws me to a man like a moth to a flame is confidence. No, I don’t mean arrogance or cockiness. It’s not something that can be learned or faked. He either has it or he doesn’t. And I don’t just mean in the workplace, or in the bedroom or on the court. A man with true confidence displays it in all aspects of his life, even if not on a constant basis. In most cases, it needs to be generally present in the face of life’s challenges.

True personal confidence is important because it screams an “I can handle it” attitude. And when we say, “I can handle it” – what we really mean is he can handle us – flaws and all. There doesn’t have to be any “machismo” involved. It doesn’t mean he can’t show fear, or doubt, or be vulnerable. But in simple yet dynamic ways, confidence will show through competence in his job, education, habits, hobbies, friendships, and his overall attitude towards life and its obstacles. Why does this matter? Because ultimately we want to respect him so that he can make us feel secure. Having confidence means he’ll do his best at everything – and will take on the biggest risk of his life – the ultimate emotional challenge – loving us.

What women – single or married – are afraid of is committing to a man who is afraid of her – sexually, intellectually and emotionally. A confident man is willing to relate to women on all levels and isn’t afraid of taking the risk to love her – because he knows the reward will be great. We want a man who will respond to risk with courage, not fear.

A man who is sure of himself is authentic, genuine and real – he is a man who places a purpose behind his risks. He takes risks to better himself - and at the end of the day, a man who will better himself will create a world that women will invite themselves to live in.

However, none of this matters if you’re not a mature, confident woman yourself – because you won’t recognize, value or appreciate that confident man when he comes around. Confident men see confident women as an addition to his life. Confidence can’t be faked - I’ve tried. It must resonate from within. This is the guy that women will fight for – because we know that he’ll fight for us. A confident man has integrity and is the trophy all single ladies want to win. He is the guy that ultimately offers us…everything.

-b

Brooke blogs about EVERYTHING over at Brookey's Cafe Blog. Please drop by and show her some love.


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