Forgive the long delay between posts. I've got issues. For real.

In fact, I've always had issues (newsflash) but lately I've really got my sleeves rolled up and I'm working on them and discovering several more as I toil. So I'm busy, busier than normal, and I don't have much time to write.

It seems like everyday I'm stumbling upon incredible insights from particularly basic experiences.

Yesterday, I left the house without my mobile device. As usual I was hustling my daughter out the door to school to get her there on time. I made this discovery about two blocks from the house when my car wouldn't connect to my phone. Yes, now that I have a new car (I'm not yet ready to tell the story of how my son totaled my beloved truck on Christmas Eve 2013 and thankfully walked away without a scratch), and by new I mean brand new, I've become sucked in to the high in tech package that comes with it (that I negotiated off the price of the vehicle). "Why isn't my podcast coming on?" I asked aloud to myself, I really wanted to pick up where I was last from my previous drive in the car. I instantly panicked, doing a quick pat down of myself while driving. My search didn't produce the blocky bulge I've been accustomed to carting around in my various pockets and I sighed heavily.

"What's wrong, Daddy?" my baby asked.

I thought to myself and answered, "Nothing, baby girl. I'm fine."

I debated for another block or so that 1) I didn't have the time to turn around to get the phone; 2) my first day back to work after a week off from mild snowstorms and a company holiday I didn't want to turn back around after dropping my daughter to school; and 3) I didn't want to go all the way home on my lunch break just so I could have it in case someone called or texted me. I simply didn't want to have to go through the hoop that this particular morning was asking of me. So I simply didn't. Making the pledge that somehow, someway I'd make it through the day without my phone. I prayed that all would be fine with my kids for the day, making it unnecessary for any teacher or administrator to call me about the little one, nor would the big one need me for anything before the evening. When I got to work I emailed my wife to let her know I didn't have my phone and she'd have to email me or actually call me at my work number in my signature of my email if she needed anything.

And I kept it moving. My colleagues at the digital agency where I worked teasingly chastised me heavily for leaving a digital device behind. I shrugged my shoulders. Miraculously, I survived and then some. Here's what I learned:

You, the readers, mean everything to me. I've blogged for so long being transparent isn't difficult for me. What's been challenging is being this far along in the game (6 years) writing meaningful content as a one-man show with a full-time job. There are times when I simply want to drop it and let it fade off into obscurity for a variety of reasons. But then I sit down to write and remember the times at the many coffee shops when I was baring my soul not knowing who was "listening" and if what I was saying mattered. And I kept on writing anyway. The following are the Top Ten Posts of 2013 that mattered the most to you this year. Thank You for reading, sharing, and commenting. I hope to be able to continue creating meaningful ideas, stories and so on, in 2014 for you, the readers.

The Top Ten Posts Written in 2013 at MakesMeWannaHoller.com (based on reader views):

10. The Power of Dad http://epayne.me/VQrWno

9. How To Restore Yourself in 2013: 7 Principles of Self-Restoration http://epayne.me/10JOz32

8. Parents Make The Difference http://epayne.me/18SkKu8

7. Parenting And Fatherhood: Let's Reclaim Our Kids http://epayne.me/12tZdq6

6. Healthy Marriage: 4 Things To Consider And Do http://epayne.me/18CYeMm

5. From Shoeless To College Freshman: My Son http://epayne.me/13Ri1jR

4. 2 Questions To Ask To Introduce Your Kids To Gratitude http://epayne.me/HeRQid

3. How To Be A Man, Dad & Husband In A World Gone Mad http://epayne.me/1desbDL

2. Where's Mommy? http://epayne.me/177km0Z

1. The Reward For A Simple Act Of Kindness http://epayne.me/1fxC51B

If there's a post you really liked and it isn't on the list, please let me know here in the comments.

Peace,
E.Payne

Did you enjoy this post?

Get Meaningful How-Tos and Inspiration Directly In Your Email Inbox

You read the interview with Cedric and Niecy Nash, now sign up and join in on the fun of a Twitter party hosted by BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. If you're on social media, Twitter parties are great ways to interact and connect with new folks with similar interests and ideas.

[Click To Tweet]
Join me & @blackandmarried for #TheSoulMan Twitter Viewing Party on Wed. 6/19 10:30-11:30PM EST Details: http://bmwk.me/16dLMgG 

From BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com: 

Join us as we tweet along with some of our favorite online friends before and during the show. Our Twitter Viewing Party kicks off at 10:30PM EST and runs until the episode ends at 11:30PM EST and if you’ve ever participated in one of our Twitter events then you know we always have a good time! 

How To Join Us: 

1) You’ll need to have a Twitter account. If you don’t have one you can sign up at www.twitter.com. 

2) It’s a good idea to follow our Twitter accounts for info on upcoming chats (@blackandmarried, @lamartyler, @ronnietyler). 

3) Beginners can follow along during the viewing party here (Tweet Chat): http://tweetchat.com/room/thesoulman 

Party Details: 

Date: Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Time: 10:30PM – 11:30PM EST
Hashtag: #TheSoulManSponsor: @TVLandHost: @BlackandMarriedJoining Us: @mybrownbaby @kiamorgansmith @epaynethedad @stephanspeaks @iluvblackwomen and more!

About The Soul Man

From the creators of Hot in Cleveland, The Soul Man revolves around Cedric “The Entertainer’s” character, Reverend Boyce The Voice Ballentine, an R&B superstar-turned-minister who takes over as preacher of his father’s church. Niecy Nash (“Reno 911″) stars as the reverends wife, Lolli. The pilot also features John Beasley (Everwood) as his father, and Wesley Jonathan (What I Like About You) as his younger brother. The character of Reverend Boyce originated on a second season episode of Hot in Cleveland in which Cedric guest-starred. Season 2 Premieres June 19 11/10C on TV Land!

*This is part of a compensated campaign with TV Land. All opinions are my own. 

---

Thoughts? Please, let me know in the Facebook or Disqus comment sections below.

Father's Day Is For FATHERS: A Public Service Announcement from E.Payne on Vimeo.

When it comes to fathers and Father's Day we always hear about what men need to do to be better fathers, etc. You never hear this conversation in advance of Mother's Day. Father's Day is all about celebrating the fathers that DO in the lives of their children, not the men that DON'T in the lives of their kids. There's no argument that we shouldn't aggressively address the issue of fatherless, especially since it fosters so many societal ills. However on Father's Day lets set this day aside to actually celebrate fathers --- the men who assume the role and responsibilities that come with rearing and loving their children.

---

Thoughts? Please, let me know in the Facebook or Disqus comment sections below.

Right now, I'm sitting in a hotel lobby just outside the French Quarter siphoning off some free Wi-Fi like everyone around me who is sitting on these oversized, overused, butt-dimpled couches. The warmth of the sun bathes me and partially blinds me as I type these words. It is a motley crew that darts back and forth past my square of comfortable, but posture-damaging furniture. It is a hustle and bustle of the business people heading out or heading home, mixed with the people who are obviously here to have fun.

I'm wrapping up a 3-day hop here to the Big Easy where my son may or may not attend college. He was accepted to the school we attended and what's more, he fell in love with the town. But not the smut or the promise of rivers of alcohol, but rather, the food and the music --- the kids playing big band jazz in the streets, the art, and the food (that's right I wrote it twice). And he seems to be fully aware that college and all that is the French Quarter are two separate things. He's smiling from ear to ear. Constantly. The last time he smiled like this was the year before he became a teen. And he hasn't smiled much at all since we moved to Atlanta. The experience has left me looking at him a little differently and wondering if maybe he's found his space for the next four years.

Time will tell.

I haven't had much time to blog, or Facebook or do anything. This Year of Restoration has been filled with rewards but I have been burdened like never before. Heading up the social media for an entire company has left me scatterbrained by the end of most of my days. Able to retain little, interested in doing less. Bills are piling up around me at every turn although I'm spending nothing and paying them off at a furious pace. Ignorance is bliss I suppose because I didn't have these concerns when I was unemployed and unable to pay my bills.

I've also been repairing my relationship with my wife. Not having money, not having mutual understanding, not having peace, not being able to work together through the tough times did a real number on us. There are days when I've been tempted to ask myself why keep trying, why carry this mantle and then I just keep on carrying. Here in New Orleans I've been able to take my wife out on a couple of dates and we strolled the streets of the French Quarter together as we did many years ago in Brooklyn and Central Park.

To make a long story short I have been way too busy to blog. Instead I've been growing, changing, fighting and reflecting and my life is changing around me.

Please, bear with me.

---

Thoughts? Please, let me know in the Facebook or Disqus comment sections below.

Sometimes a bad or off-kilter attitude from a loved one or a spouse deserves a moment or two of understanding and/or compassion rather than a dismissal because you can't be bothered. Didn't you sign up to be bothered? But in order to effectively do this you have to be strong enough in heart to soothe rather than react in kind to their dilemma. You also have to be selfless enough to recognize it's not about you --- not always. Next time it happens, because there will always be a next time, don't be so quick to dismiss. Sometimes loving a person means doing so when they aren't being very loving themselves.

Use your power to heal.

Join this conversation on Facebook.

---

Thoughts? Please, let me know in the Facebook or Disqus comment sections below.

I state the following only because at times I have been guilty of it myself: There is a game of love, but love is not a game. Marriage is not for the faint of heart nor for children. You are in this together for the sake of each other to make two better together than apart. To enjoy life and make it rich in ways money can't provide. It isn't a competition. It isn't about being right and your significant other being wrong. It isn't about you speaking or thinking so highly of yourself that you come to believe you have arrived at your current destination and are doing everything you are doing, by yourself, purely out of your own miraculous, solitary strength and tenacity. When you know good and well on the days you don't even want to get out of bed, he or she is there making things work as best they can while you get it together.

So, if you are somewhere outside of your home constantly complaining about your spouse to people who play no role in your life other than to sit a few desks over from you. And if you are doing nothing to fix your "problems" other than complain to these same people who agree with you because they have no other choice but to since they are only hearing your side of the story --- understand that as a married person you sound and look stupid, you are an embarrassment to your spouse and to what marriage should and ought to be and you are a walking, talking advertisement for single people to remain single.

This has been a public service announcement: Marriage is not child's play. Stop playing games. 

Chime in on this article on Facebook if you prefer at: http://epayne.me/XNZBkv

---

Thoughts? Please, let me know in the Facebook or Disqus comment sections below.

File this under: AHA MOMENT OF THE DECADE

A couple of days ago a woman was complaining to me about her husband when she suddenly interrupted herself and said, "You know I should probably be more intimate with him...We'd probably get along better and it probably would help me from being stressed out. But it's hard."

"There's a reason intimacy is supposed to exist between married folks," I said. "It ain't about some dude, your husband, getting his jollies. It's about solidifying your union and creating a bond (a soul-tie) that only the two of you share. There's a beautiful thing that two people have when they are intimate, especially if they are married."

"But you may want to consider trying and seeing what happens," I advised her. "Who knows, you may actually like it?"

To which she responded, "You're probably right."

More and more I'm hearing from married women who have sworn off sex as if it were something bad, like too much cake and ice cream. I hear them blaming everything plus their husbands as to why they are the way they are. On the other side I'm hearing from an equal number of bewildered and exasperated married men who are running around like desperate men inside their own marriages, desperate for love from their wives. I repeat, desperate for love from their wives --- having no desire to go anywhere but home to their marriage beds. Part of the vows (depending on the ceremony or depending on whether you were listening) is that you give yourselves to one another in marriage. There are things that make marriages work, over the years and through the rough patches. Often getting through the rough patches together create the environment for the good stretches. Sexual intimacy is one of the first things to go when things get tough, even though after communication and genuine TLC it is probably one of the most important tools required for marriage maintenance. Sitting up in a house as roommates sharing kids is no different than roommates or housemates or business partners sitting under the same roof with shared investments. Shared investments do not foster, nurture or nourish love. In fact, shared investments alone usually are the source of most conflicts between people, married or not.

This marriage stuff isn't hard. It just takes work. And it isn't child's play. So if you're playing games, male or female, please stop. What you invest into, grows (for better or worse). What you ignore and neglect, withers and dies.

Join the ongoing conversation on this very topic over on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/MakesMeWannaHoller/posts/10151554700775330

Communication is the name of the game. Try your best to do it sooner, rather than later.

---

Thoughts? Please, let me know in the Facebook or Disqus comment sections below.

Sounds good to me. Do a little more kissing in 2013.

I'd love to hear what reasons you have for kissing (keep it PG please)? Do you kiss the one you love (or like)?

---

Thanks for reading! Follow me on Twitter at @EPayneTheDad.

Because of my wife, I am transformed.

Every argument, disagreement, mistake and misstep is and should be used as an opportunity for growth. Look at it from the right perspective and don't point fingers.

When your wife is feeling anxious, depressed, crazy...whatever, instead of trying to figure her out, try your best to reassure her.

Do you truly know your wife?

• Do you know her hopes and dreams?
• Do you know what causes her pain?
• Do you know the tragedies of her past?
• Do you know what makes her smile (not how to make her smile)?
• When she is pushing buttons do you rise up against her or do you pray for her?
  
• Do you desire to understand her, or do you not get why she doesn't get you?
• Do you realize that she is an entire person and not only your spouse, they way you understand your friends are people too?

---

Thanks for reading! Follow me on Twitter at @EPayneTheDad.

A year or so ago, I created the series AP Manhood, as in Advanced Placement, as in the classes only a handful of us got into while in High School and in my case, was occasionally teased about.

Challenge Number One: Do It Just Because.

This week or upcoming weekend do something around the house or for your wife that noticeably needs to be done that she either asked or didn't ask you to do. Once it's done don't mention it or asked to be thanked. Act as if nothing happened.

Think of it this way to help you in this challenge: Do you do a good job at work just for a raise or accolades or because you also believe in doing a good job and like to put your best foot forward? Because you know it will better who you are in your field. The same should be true of your work as a husband. Don't chase after the reward, just do the job.

---

Thanks for reading! Follow me on Twitter at @EPayneTheDad.

I wish I could say I'm the most doting of husbands, but I'm not. In fact, I've often confused being hardworking and the former as being one in the same. Based on my love of my kids I've even gone so far, after bending over backwards for them, as to take a self-celebratory bow in front of the wife as if to say, "Ta da!" For the longest this has fallen flat. Her being nonplussed has often infuriated me. Which of course has only made matters worse.

Adding to my missteps is my wife's fierce independence. I am guilty of misreading her cues --- which is sometimes silence --- and have at times believed she is in need of nothing. What a disaster! I'm no mind reader but I do have a functioning brain. I should've known better. Tucked away in my file are some spectacular birthday and special occasion fiascoes that I own 100%. But part of being a man is understanding your mistakes, taking accountability for them and ensuring you do what it takes to prevent or mitigate the possibility of repeat offenses.


If I've learned anything about being a husband I've learned that the quieter your wife is the more you are boiling in hot water. It's typically a slow boil you don't initially notice. Most of us men figure if she ain't talking then all must be fine because if she is talking she's complaining. But if you think about it for more than thirty seconds how is your wife not speaking to a ever a good thing? Is this something you honestly want in a marriage? No good comes from extended silence between two people living under the same roof and claiming to be in love. Another thing to consider: while you are enjoying your "peace" all kinds of wild thoughts about you are probably taking root in her mind. Take it from someone who knows. Your peace will only be temporary. Don't join the ranks of men who can't figure out what happened and just write the former lady of their dreams off with the B-word. Be on alert for the signs. It may be hard, but love is an action. You chose to get married. You chose to have those kids. Choose to stay out of trouble and keep the fire going rather than being in it. Check out this list of things to do to show your wife you love her:

Sex.

I know this is what you thought as soon as you saw the title. But this isn't what this is about. Nor is belaboring the obvious. Men need sex just as women do. It's truly sad when it's missing, especially between married couples. Arguably, they are the ones who need it the most. But that's not the point today.

But before sex there is affection, consideration, intimacy, sincerity, hand-holding, saying, "I love you," from time to time and meaning it rather than choking on the words as if you were gargling sand. And that goes for both men and women. Especially men, who do a much better job of bottling up their emotions and needs and suffer terribly and often needlessly internally.

The key to understanding all of the above is spelled out almost word for word in the bible and honestly most other ancient texts that seek to achieve balance and harmony with man, his (or her) peers and the surrounding society. But nowadays everyone is too tech savvy for this, too on point, too keeping it real, too chasing after the golden egg, too rough too tough, two tight Afro puffs and too miserable. So their fellow human who might appreciate a kind word or gesture gets bulldozed and bludgeoned by the verbal stones that most of us happily hurl on a daily basis. 'Cause we "keep it real."

The needs I am referencing are much simpler than anything I am referencing above. I'm talking about the basics that every man should have once he becomes a man, unless he opts not to.

This article first appeared at BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com

There’s no denying that 2011 was tough. But now it’s a New Year. Let's work on charting a new path for a "new you."


Although January is just another month, using the beginning of the year as a starting point can be healthy. The following are some strategies, NOT resolutions (declarations with no plans attached to them), to help you get your 2012 and your marriage off to a healthy and productive start. Hopefully, once in place, they will carry you through the months all the way to December.

Love More
I know many might be thinking, I’ve loved enough! especially if you don’t feel you’re receiving your fair share in return. But but love goes beyond the daily ebb and flow of emotions that make your heart flutter or sick. Make 2012 the year you search out and discover the full meaning and use of love.

Listen More and Talk Less
Social Media, cell phones, iPhones and iPads, and Android tablets…Nowadays there are limitless ways to communicate and share our thoughts and opinions with anyone and everyone who will listen. But when is enough enough? Maybe everyone isn’t so keen on what you have to say. Your opinion just might not matter to everyone. In fact, your spouse might be trying to tell you something important but you are too busy not listening because you’ve become accustomed to talking/sharing your opinion more than listening or hearing the opinion of others. Take a pause from time to time to listen, to hear, digest and ultimately understand what is being said to you. Then once all this is processed, choose your words wisely—at work, with friends and especially with your spouse.

Forgive and Forget
It’s 2012, but your pain doesn’t know that. It might be as fresh as it was the day it was inflicted upon you. You may be reminded of it every single time you look at his or her face, no matter how long ago it was, no matter how much he or she has changed, no matter how many times and ways he or she has done their best to make it up to you. Your pain doesn’t know it’s 2012, but you do. Make today the day that you no longer allow yourself to be held back or held up by the offenses of others. You don’t have to carry that burden anymore and chances are the person who hurt you has long since moved on.

Spend Time IRL
It’s great to be able to chat with friends all over the world via text, Facebook Messenger, and Twitter, just to name a few. But while you’re at dinner with your spouse? As soon as the movie ends? While the movie is playing? Keep in mind that while you and your friends might be having a ball online exchanging statuses (stati?) you are being unbelievably rude to whomever you’re spending time with in the real word, in real life (IRL). And if both of you are doing it both of you need to stop. Why go out together only to spend time with other people on your phones? In 2012 make the effort and take the time to unplug. Put down the phone and shut down the computer. Begin talking to your spouse at dinner. Do your 500+ friends really need to see a photograph of your plate of food while you’re eating with someone right in front of you? Don’t come home after a long day’s work and remain just as disconnected with the ones who love you. Watch the news together, read a book and talk about it. Talk about things right in front of you rather than saying, “Did you see my post?” Make a plan to go for a daily morning walk, or jog phone-free. Start talking again!

Work It Out
One of the number one taboo subjects revolving around marriage are the physical changes that occur. Although marriage isn’t the sole cause for someone getting out of shape, it can cause you to become comfortable. Don’t forget to factor in pregnancies and aging together. Because calling out a spouse on his or her physical appearance is so taboo, it is quite common for spouses to complain to others, fall into a place of contempt, disgust and resentment, lose their sex drive toward that person and then begin looking at all that “green grass” on the other side of the fence. Engaging in some level of daily physical activity is as good for your heart as it is for your appearance. In the African American community where heart disease among young adult African Americans is 20 times that of similarly aged white Americans no harm can come from working out. Maybe what your spouse needs is some encouragement. But don’t go all drill instructor on them. Just be the friend that you were when you were dating. With today’s hectic schedules a workout might be the only time to spend adult time together and there is no better way to work it out than by watching the one you love work it out. In no time your workouts will be making their way to the bedroom.

These are just few suggestions and strategies for living an emotionally, physically and spiritually healthier 2012. Whatever you can think of to make it happen in your own life...make it happen!

---

For more on Fatherhood, Relationships & Lifestyle:

• Sign up for email updates
• Hang out with me on Facebook
• Follow me on Twitter
• Watch me on YouTube
• Read my parenting book

Now that we're in the new year I've got a bunch of stuff to do. Just like I did last week. These aren't resolutions, which are declarative statements with no determined strategy toward achieving them, such as "I want to lose fifteen pounds." But rather something along the lines of, "I want to start saving for a bike and start mapping out routes so when I buy one I'll actually have somewhere to go." From there the assertion can be made: "I'd like to lose 20 pounds." Because by then if you don't have a set strategy you'll definitely have a framework for one.

Saying, "In 2012 I plan to travel more with the family," when you might not travel at all is a promise you shouldn't make out loud because Lord forbid the wife or any of your kids hear it, they'll be standing there with their arms folded in December looking at you because you took them no where. Instead consider, "I need to set up a separate/savings account for travel and in order to travel by (date of your choosing) I need to put $x in it per week or month."

Thus you will quickly move from the fantasy of the New Year's resolution and into the reality of laid out plans to achieve goals. Mind you they don't have to be perfect and in the end they might look different than you envisioned but at least you're moving...forward.

I intend to do more and be more in 2012. 2011 was a runaway train wreck for most, including my own family. But while most were lamenting I was bucking the system, quietly looking for holes of opportunity in the midst of all the impossibility. Smiling when most days I wanted to scream and working each day seeking out opportunity in a wasteland just as Wall-E worked each day turning trash into treasure (yeah, I referenced a Disney movie. This is a dad blog, right?) I even poked holes of opportunity when and if necessary. As a result I'm now ready to put rubber to the road and put everyone in my rear view mirror who isn't moving forward with me.

But I am only human and I am a father of two kids. I'm juggling new career opportunities, a need to upgrade nearly every piece of technology I own and maintaining a marriage and trying to have a lifestyle all at the same time. In years past I was getting a whole lot of a little done. Now thanks to smartphone technology, great productivity apps such as Evernote (they are not paying me, but I just really like them a whole lot), file sharing and reminders I might be able to get things done and still enjoy life.

Here is what I'd like to do in 2012:

• Relearn Spanish
• Relearn Piano or learn a new instrument
• Gain a solid understanding of the teachings of the Bible
• Take my wife on a few weekend trips
• Take my daughter to Disney World
• Take my son on a college tour
• Become a paid speaker
• Lose close to 20 pounds (again) mostly through bike riding because my knees hurt when I run (an always have)
• Go to the doctor and the dentist (a freelancer's longtime dream)
• Host a few showings of my photography where I hope to sell some if not all the pieces
• Begin the novel that's been on my heart all my life
• Write a children's book

...to name a few.

But my new growing To Do List doesn't look anything close to the above list. Instead is a list of plays and strategies which will hopefully result or provide the means for me to accomplish the above.

What will your To Do List look like in 2012?

---

For more on Fatherhood, Relationships & Lifestyle:

• Sign up for email updates.
• Become a fan on Facebook
• Follow MMWH.com on Twitter
• Subscribe to the MakesMeWannaHoller Channel on YouTube
• Read my parenting book

After being yelled at in the morning for the umpteenth time for reasons that clearly must have been valid enough for it to be done in front of my sixteen year old son and my five year old daughter my daughter asked
the following question:

"Daddy, why are you and mommy not nice to each other."

I'm very happy to be able to provide a platform here. I'm also glad to be able to share the voices of other men who share the same if not more passion for the subjects of manhood, fatherhood and marriage. Joe B of Manhood V. Dadhood is one such gentleman. Please check out his contribution to Makes Me Wanna Holler and give him some love over where he blogs.

Joe B and son

I am a Special Education teacher, and I spend much of my days communicating with students who are unable to speak, or understand spoken or written language. In working with individuals with this obstacle, many people forget or don't realize that BEHAVIOR IS LANGUAGE.

We have five senses, and we take in information from all five senses. The way we learn about how we are supposed to act is through what we hear and what we see. I am the youngest of 7 in a blended family, so I am naturally a people-watcher.

The battle of the sexes rages on, even in marriage. Maybe that's because people call it a battle? Too many times spouses get caught up in pointless and perpetual battles for superiority inside the home and out. It's not about working together, instead it's about how wrong the other person is or how right you think you are. Many times the journey together is overlooked for the sake of pointing out all the mistakes along the way. No team would ever function, let alone win a single game, if it operated the way many marriages do. A marriage is supposed to be a team of two...one of the strongest couplings man has at his disposal.

But in 2011 this is hardly the case. Especially when emotions are involved...

I love my husband. He is the most caring, loving man I have ever met. I have a hard time leaving him, even if it is just for a weekend. We are excepting our second baby (I'm due in September!). I don't have to beg for him to take the trash out, he works everyday, he loves me fiercely. It all sounds good, right?

My husband is 15 years older than me. Some say I got myself another daddy. One thing I do know is my husband loves me. He works 50-60 hours a week to make sure he provides for his family. Since I have not been in the workforce in what seems like forever, I'm not very understanding when it comes to needing my time. I used to expect him to work 10 hours a day and then still come home and do everything I had on my to-do list for him.

I was tired of him not listening to me about our money problems. I was tired of him not listening about my schoolwork. I felt like he was ignoring me. I'm the one at home cooking, cleaning, and taking care of his kids. He was raised in a household where his grandfather worked outside of the home and his grandmother was at home. My hubby wanted the same for me. I decided to stay at home for him. I felt the least he could do was listen to me when I had something to say. It wasn't until our son brought it to my attention that there was a problem.

I realized that my husband was not the problem. It was me. I complained about how he worked too much, did not take enough time out for the kids, how we didn't have any money, but I never told him thank you. I know going to work at 5 am and not getting off until 5 pm is not easy. I never said thank you for all you do for this family. I was taking him for granted.

What do I do differently now?

• I get up from whatever I am doing to greet him when he gets off work.
• I ask him when he gets home if he would like his plate now.
• give him 45 minutes to an hour to relax after a long day. I keep the kids out of his way as well.
• I am sure to ask him about his day. If he says he is tired, I know it was a long day. If he says it was okay, it's okay to ask him to do what I need him to do.
• We have a weekly family meeting--this is my time to let it all out!

Sometimes you are the problem. You have to take control to change what you don't like. He is my husband and I want this to work. I changed what wasn't working into something that worked.

About the Author:

Kanesha Vance lives in Oklahoma with her husband and one-year-old son. She loves to speak on parenting, marriage, school, but most of all MONEY. She is a full-time stay at home mom, who blogs about her journey through life. Please check her out and read her at MoneyMattersMama.com