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Battles, Skirmishes and War Bonds

After being yelled at in the morning for the umpteenth time for reasons that clearly must have been valid enough for it to be done in front of my sixteen year old son and my five year old daughter my daughter asked
the following question:

"Daddy, why are you and mommy not nice to each other."

I took a deep breath and removed what I was feeling from my answer:

"Sometimes when people get upset they dont realize that the things they say might hurt other people (truth is, they are quite aware and make it a point to say what they want in a specific and targeted effort to to hurt you)."

"I want you to always think of what you say to others and how you say it."

She liked my answer and went on to talk about the usual things we discuss in the morning: dance, her dreams, what she wants for her birthday, being tired, and what she wants for a snack after school.

This past Sunday the pastor at church said this (I am paraphrasing):
Married folks get caught up in so many battles i.e. skirmishes that they aren't prepared for the war. Arguing to the death about who did what wrong, dancing war dances in celebration of being right, who cares about how the towels should be folded when you are completely unprepared for the war.

What classifies as the war? Being a united front, weathering a changing economy, planning together, understanding and buffering the stresses of a relocation to another state, planning a home purchase together and doing what it takes to apply for a mortgage, championing each others causes, etc., etc., etc.

And this just in in What Really Matters News: The clock had hardly made it to noon today before I received an email alerting me to the fact that my five year old has been selected as a semi-finalist for a regional arts competition that comes with major recognition and a major purse. Major. THIS is what really matters.

The thing about this marriage thing is that struggles are sure to come. They are sent by divine design to strengthen you, together. No different than cops, soldiers, and on a less significant scale, fraternity brothers are all tight via the struggle. These "war bonds" are often nearly unbreakable except by maybe death. But most in the married lane don't see it it this way. And sadly, that which comes to make them stronger ultimately destroys them.

When I or you or she or he is at the Pearly Gates being judged for the wages of committed sins, leaving the alarm off, leaving the house late, leaving the seat up, and any other stupid annoying, God awful thing that
drives you absolutely insane --- I guarantee you nothing on your list will be on St. Peter's. Especially if that assholeperson who won't do as you say is a good husband or wife, father or mother and doing everything that they have been called to do in your life...except maybe fold the towels the way you like.

There's a time and a place for correction and a place where the wrongdoer must either correct or at least acknowledge his or her wrong. But ultimately there comes a point in time where what really matters should actually really matter for the sake of the war. The battles just make you both weary and keep you off-topic and unfocused.

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