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Marital (Sexual) Intimacy


A couple of days ago a woman was complaining to me about her husband when she suddenly interrupted herself and said, "You know I should probably be more intimate with him...We'd probably get along better and it probably would help me from being stressed out. But it's hard."

"There's a reason intimacy is supposed to exist between married folks," I said. "It ain't about some dude, your husband, getting his jollies. It's about solidifying your union and creating a bond (a soul-tie) that only the two of you share. There's a beautiful thing that two people have when they are intimate, especially if they are married."

"But you may want to consider trying and seeing what happens," I advised her. "Who knows, you may actually like it?"

To which she responded, "You're probably right."

More and more I'm hearing from married women who have sworn off sex as if it were something bad, like too much cake and ice cream. I hear them blaming everything plus their husbands as to why they are the way they are. On the other side I'm hearing from an equal number of bewildered and exasperated married men who are running around like desperate men inside their own marriages, desperate for love from their wives. I repeat, desperate for love from their wives --- having no desire to go anywhere but home to their marriage beds. Part of the vows (depending on the ceremony or depending on whether you were listening) is that you give yourselves to one another in marriage. There are things that make marriages work, over the years and through the rough patches. Often getting through the rough patches together create the environment for the good stretches. Sexual intimacy is one of the first things to go when things get tough, even though after communication and genuine TLC it is probably one of the most important tools required for marriage maintenance. Sitting up in a house as roommates sharing kids is no different than roommates or housemates or business partners sitting under the same roof with shared investments. Shared investments do not foster, nurture or nourish love. In fact, shared investments alone usually are the source of most conflicts between people, married or not.

This marriage stuff isn't hard. It just takes work. And it isn't child's play. So if you're playing games, male or female, please stop. What you invest into, grows (for better or worse). What you ignore and neglect, withers and dies.

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