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Pregnant With Hers

Yesterday, I heard from a friend of mine who's about 7 months pregnant. Via email she told me how her boyfriend isn't all that interested in being intimate with her. She went on to remark, "I'm pregnant, not dead!" I shuddered. First, at being provided with a visual I didn't ask for; second, I was thrown back in time to when my wife was pregnant with my baby and was a sex-crazed maniac. Below is my exact response to my friend's concerns.

From: Me
To: My Friend
Subject: RE: Hillary Clinton
Date: Tue, 25 Mar 2008 18:02:14 +0000

uh thanks for sharing all that (NOT). But in defense of him there are 2 types of guys. Nasty freaks who think doing it with pregnant women is cool and the rest of us who'd rather be beat with a rake.

Yes, your sex drive goes up...
Yes, you're libido is off the wall...
Yes, you're ravenous...

But it's gross to think your kid is in there somewhere (honestly). I think pregnant women (well not all) are absolutely beautiful, but I just couldn't deal. I went through the same thing with my wife...she harassed me...then tortured me and I just went through it to appease her. I consulted some other dads I know and they had similar stories.

My friend told me she nearly fell out of her chair from laughing so hard after reading this. I was glad for the opportunity to make someone smile, especially with honesty.


An Appeal to Bad Management

It was a dark, cold and rainy evening three Fridays ago when my relatively new wife told me I was a bad hire while we were headed home on a six o'clock train out of Grand Central. I was caught off guard, horrified and terribly offended. I'm a sensitive guy - so I'm offended quite easily, but my first two reactions were completely justified.

"How do you figure?" I asked.

"Bad managers make bad hires," she said calmly.


She explained how people enter into management with little to no training, how their own shortcomings become the aspects of their management style, how through poor communication/micromanagement/leadership they foster an environment of low morale and clones in their workforce. Thus the employee who never leaves work because their boss never leaves work comes to believe that the only way to get work done is to never leave. If and when it becomes their turn to manage their expectation will be that their employee(s) never leave work because they never left work. She went on to explain that after a series of mediocre management across three different jobs I, in turn, am quickly becoming a mediocre employee --- one who's morale is easily crushed, who has little to no loyalty to a position or organization and who is completely dubious of the effectiveness and even the intelligence of those directing me.

So I appeal to you, senior manager or supervisor or boss, take a class when you notice your entire staff turning over "for better opportunities" every year or two, or when a very enthusiastic employ is gone as soon as 6 months have passed since he/she was hired. When you find yourself perplexed that you don't know your employees because you haven't spent any time getting to know them, use this dilemma as an opportunity to grow yourself, don't dismiss the employee as passive or unenthusiastic. It isn't his/her job to manage your management of him/her, nor should it ever be. I talk to the people I manage everyday for fear that they'll become restless if left unattended (I do the same with my wife).

I fear that after now having spent years at the hands of those unskilled in the art of cultivating others I have, as my wife plainly stated, become unmanageable. A few weeks ago I went on a rant about how much I hate work. I now know that I don't hate work at all. What I detest is being disconnected from that which I'm working for and who I'm working for. Give me a goal, I'll achieve it. Set a standard, I'll do my best to rise to it. Do nothing and watch me flounder and leave.

Maybe this is a turning point for me. Maybe now it is time for me to strike out on my own.


What The Hell?

What a week...

  • The Wire ended after 5 glorious and uncomfortable seasons...
  • Governor Spitzer has been messin' around with ho-fessionals for the past 10 years...
  • Governor Spitzer, one of the only politicians I admired, resigned in utter disgrace...
  • Geraldine Ferraro indignantly reminded everyone of the obvious --- that Obama is Black...
  • I heard through the grapevine that my former best friend has a "side" for why he didn't show up for my wedding after:
    1. sending a cowardly, b.s. letter to my hotel room two days before the ceremony....
    2. agreeing to be in the wedding...
    3. not being man enough to speak to me before, during or since...
  • The stock market...
What the hell?



Joy can be a lot of things for many people. Joy is something that is oft not attained. I was off from work today and spent the time with my daughter. I made her breakfast, we ate an early lunch together. I fed her and she fed me. We watched cartoons and danced together in the living room. I cleaned the house, and she messed it up right behind me. We went to the bookstore. She got four books and the one I wanted wasn't in stock. And now she's reading (as best she can) as she sits in my lap. I couldn't want for a better day. I couldn't ask for more peace.


The Photographer

Last night, I had drinks at Maroons with a former vendor of mine who was in town. I hired him back in October of last year to shoot my wedding in Barbados. While he was there everyone referred to him as "The Photographer." It was probably one of the smartest business decisions I've ever made (besides being a nice surprise for my wife-to-be). He made us look like celebrities and a week hasn't passed that at least one person hasn't mentioned our pictures.

These days I simply call him Ross. Now it's his turn --- his wedding is just a few days away and I want to take a moment to wish him well by wishing him the best.

Congrats in advance, Ross. Many blessings to you!