There are definitely situations where we blow or miss opportunities. We have the option to be nice to a stranger or someone we know, yet we choose to act otherwise; we don't study for exams that we know count for major percentages of our grades; that hotness on two legs was waiting, obviously waiting for you to come over and talk to her. But you waited or took too long to move until someone else did.

But the following question begs asking regarding "lost" opportunities:

Over at Black And Married With Kids.com I authored the post 10 Things Wrong With You - In Your Marriage. In it I translate the leadership strategies of author Marshall Goldsmith to the marriage relationship and raise the notion that being good at what you do doesn't preclude being good at who you are...

In December of 2010 I wrote the post Why Can’t We Just Get Along. It was an open letter to all. A lamentation over the friction that exists between the sexes and within marriages. Hopefully those who were impacted by it were able to contemplate areas that they need to address. But it should not remain a mere contemplation.

What Got You Here Won’t Get You There is a business book that challenges successful leaders to become even more successful. The author, Marshall Goldsmith, wants to make his readers better. His main premise is in the title. My interpretation of it is as follows: You’ve gotten to where you are and that’s great. You’re a titan of the industry, but are you really as great as you think you are? Things have remained pretty steady for a while and they’re headed toward becoming stagnant. Your workers are uneasy. Morale is low. Although you are THE MAN (or THE WOMAN) nothing is changing. Why? Because what got you to this point isn’t going to take you to the finish line.

The same can be said for marriage. It is a corporate and cooperative experience, after all.

What’s Wrong With You?

In his book, Goldsmith identifies 20 bad habits that keep people from achieving real success in the workplace. Interestingly they are all interpersonal and behavioral rather than shortcomings in the area of skill or performance. In his words:

“They are egregious everyday annoyances that make your workplace substantial more noxious than it needs to be. They are transactional flaws performed by one person against others.”

Out of the 20 he lists, I’ve identified a “Top Ten” that play out in the marriage space.

To learn these Top Ten Bad Habits and read the rest of the article, visit 10 Things Wrong With You - In Your Marriage.


E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

I'm back in the Belly of the Beast, sitting at my computer in the Land of the Lost. Just wanted to say hi and ask each of you to make it a great day by doing your absolute best and doing it to the best of your ability with little to no concern about what anyone else is doing around you or to you (this is hard, but not impossible).

Happy Tuesday


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I love my life. I truly do. No matter how good, bad or confusing it gets. I'm blessed beyond measure and only run into problems when my wants begin to overpower my needs. However there is one particularly painful part of my day that I experience every other day when my daughter goes to pre-school...

With Mom stomping around the house in her heels getting herself together for the day my daughter ALWAYS asks me, "Daddy, is Mommy going to work?"

"Yes, baby," I answer.

"I don't want Mommy to go to work. I want her to stay here with me."

"But you're going to school, boo boo."

"And where are you going?"

And like every time she asks, a sharp pain cuts down the middle of my chest. I pause and speak with all the confidence I can muster.

"Errands and stuff and then I'm coming to pick you up."

"I love you, Daddy."

"I love you, too."

I was speaking to a former coworker yesterday and casually said something about not working and she cut me off in mid-sentence.

"You are working, Eric. And you have been working...all year. You've been grinding with your blog, your writing, taking the classes you take and your photography. I wish people would realize work is not all about getting paid. You've been changing directions from that corporate thing to an artist. You are an ARTIST now, Eric! YOU ARE!"

I was quiet for a few moments thinking of all the things I could say to provide a rebuttal until finally I just said, "Thank you."

For all of you out there not doing what you think you should be doing, look at what you are doing. Are you giving it your all? Are you being blessed by it? Is it opening new doors for you? Are you happy? If you answer "yes" to any of these questions, then rest assured your actions aren't in vain.

Well...what say you?

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Gotta love comedians' take on things. Happy Friday.

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When I was 19 years old, I pledged Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc. at Cornell University. In addition to all the clandestine-half-fiction-half-reality stuff I had to do, I also had to be able to rattle off, with military precision and intensity, a full catalog of poems, statements and greetings at a moments notice. To this day I can still rattle off nearly everything without error. How's that for negative reinforcement?

While surfing the net I happened across one of the most meaningful poems I had to remember. It is absolutely scary how these words are apply no matter the time or era man (and woman) might find himself in. And they are especially cogent in these times. And they especially make sense at work, at home, with the wife, with the kids, with your dreams etc., etc.


IF
by Sir Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

It doesn't get any more Man, Dad and Husband than this.

Related Link: Frat Life

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I know today is Friday because I learned last night that it was Thursday.

There’s not much else I can tell you right now.

I’m currently suffering from the disorientation that comes with moving, my most hated activity before grocery shopping, packing for trips, and washing clothes. I went from living in a beautiful neighborhood in the attic apartment of what was originally planned to be a temporary dwelling to another beautiful neighborhood, several miles out of my but steps from the area that my son has been going to school for years. I now have more space than I have furniture, 2 terraces that can easily hold 8 or 9 people comfortably, one of the walls in my son’s room is all glass, a skyline view as far as my vision will allow me to see, bathrooms, granite countertops, closets, etc., etc. And I still don’t have a job.
The only explanation I have is that God provides.

I’m sold on the apartment, but not the area. It was a compromise. (Please see previous post).

The disorientation I feel has to do with the fact that I am now an expatriate of nowhere, because since starting a family I haven’t settled down anywhere long enough to say I’m from anywhere. A year ago I wouldn’t have minded. Now, I’m not so sure. When I first came to New York I was able to say my roots were in Chicago, after a 9 year stint in Queens I was able to say my roots were there. Since then I’ve moved 4 times. And we still intend to relocate to another state sooner rather than later.

Needless to say, I’m disconnected. This fact made itself loud and clear on Tuesday when I moved with the help of no one other than my wife and my father-in-law as their work schedules would allow. It wasn’t for a lack of asking on my part. But the answers --- wide and various --- were all no.

On Tuesday night I was tormented by Charley Horses in both legs and in my forearms. This was due to my valiant but incredibly stupid drive. I didn’t drink for most of the day in my desire to get the job done. I didn’t even think to put some snacks in the truck I rented. By night’s end I drank enough liquids to send a 1st and 2nd grade classroom to the bathroom for an entire day and I didn’t go to the bathroom at all. In one day I lost 4 pounds. I’m glad I’ve dropped the weight, but the way I did it wasn’t cool. I was delirious. I'm not just writing this for effect. I was actually delirious.

So now what?

Now I have a fall in front of me and a very painful summer behind me. My wife is satisfied, my son is happy, and my daughter is what she always has been, a ball of fusion energy. My wife told me I make good decisions and she’s glad we are where we are. I’m glad I was able to make it all happen for my family. I wish I could say my reward lies simply in their happiness, but I know that it only accounts for a percentage of it. Though not small, it is only a percentage and not the total. How it all shakes out for me remains to be seen.

Stay tuned…


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Before this week is over my family and I will all be under the same roof once again after a long-feeling, but short in duration, summer spent apart.

• My 14 year-old, high school freshman, J.V. football playing son, will be hidden from view behind the door of his room embracing his Xbox 360 Live fighting online with his friends and refusing to show his face accept to raid the refrigerator.


• My daughter's daily activities will most like not be disrupted by her return home: watching a little bit of Noggin; coloring; drawing; counting; spelling; beginner's reading; demanding everything under the sun; and telling me what to do at every turn, despite the fact that I tell her she sounds rude and not like Daddy's Baby Girl (I'm not sure she gets it yet --- or cares).


• My wife and I will begin a new journey and chapter in our nine-year saga together as we head into the final days of our second year of marriage; celebrate (hopefully) both our birthdays in September; move into a bigger, but still temporary dwelling that will serve us all a little better in comfort, if not price; and move forward, doing our best to work together versus whatever it was we were doing this summer and have been doing for as many months as I can remember (just keepin' it real, folks).

This summer was a painful one for me. It was also quiet and at times lonely. At one point or another and at times overlapping each other...

• I didn't see my son for a month and a half.


• I didn't see my daughter for nearly two months.


• I didn't see my wife for three weeks.

When these incidents overlapped I found myself with a tremendous amount of time on my hands. With no job and a crumbling self esteem, I wasn't sure at first what to do. I almost felt paralyzed to move without the wife or some kid in tow. But alone with my thoughts I involuntarily began to deconstruct my life in an effort to make sense of it --- the life I lived when none of these other people comprised my life and the life I now live with them. My primary question was, how the hell did I end up as the head of a household? Am I doing enough? What am I not doing right? Why can't I do more? Are my kids happy? Is my wife happy? Am I happy?

After several days of solitude I discovered it is the answer to this last question that is the key to answering all the rest.

On this blog, I've made several mentions of being unemployed, I've even lamented about it. But I haven't talked about how much I love to sit down to crank out my posts from one day to the next (it's almost like a drug). I didn't mention the joy that overcame me when I took an introductory Adobe Dreamweaver class in July and discovered that as a result of blogging I've inadvertently taught myself HTML and CSS (and didn't really need to take the class). Or how the photos I've been posting lately come naturally to me. Or how an established artist pulled me aside to tell me I've missed my calling as a photographer and need to start taking classes yesterday. This summer and long since before then, I've focused on what isn't and overlooked what is.

My solitude was like a blank sheet of paper the size of a football field. I got to sit in the middle of it, look out across it, and retrace my steps while planting new ones. I vowed to do my best to relearn and embrace what it means to be me.

In July, I lost 10 pounds. In August, I traveled alone to Atlanta after having a fight with my wife that would've sent most men to their divorce lawyers or jail (just keeping it real), reconnected with old friends, both male and female, went to dinner (alone), attended an arts festival (alone), frequented a couple of bars, and visited a few schools (a scouting expedition for the kids), relied upon the kindness of strangers more than once as I was rained on repeatedly, attended a film fest, and in sum had a blast and managed to stay out of trouble the entire time I was there given what I left and what was waiting for me back home.

In August, I traveled to every corner of the five boroughs of New York, abandoning my distaste for burning gas and ungluing myself from my fear of going places alone if going alone meant doing the things I wanted to do versus sitting at home waiting for a friend to make time for me (which I did at first). I went to restaurants, bars, get-togethers, a play, cinema under the stars, street fairs, green markets and a couple of friends' author events. I eventually connected with friends who got on the same page with me and had some really great conversations.

In August (yesterday) I rented a bicycle in downtown Chicago and rode along the Lakeshore stopping only to snap photos and ultimately stopped cold by a city sponsored Triathlon route. I eventually abandoned the Lakesfront and rode through some beautiful downtown neighborhoods. And tonight, on the last day of August, I will board a train with my daughter for a 20-hour trip back to New York. I haven't ridden the train since 2001 and I decided I wanted the serenity and a glimpse of America's countryside on one of Amtrak's most scenic routes, accompanied by my daughter's wide-eyed enthusiasm. These are all things that I wanted to do and these were all things that I did, just like I used to when I was just a Man, when there was no Dad and no Husband. These were the things that added to the totality of me so that one fateful day in 2000, a woman would cross my path and make me into a Dad and a Husband.

In trying to make sense of life I've completely overlooked it's simplicity and probably made things more complex than they've needed to be. As far as work goes I've been so hell bent on seeking fulfillment (a bad thing when done in excess), somewhere it got lost in the translation that fulfillment comes from the richness of life provided by the fruit of my labor --- regardless of the labor. Meaning, if I wanted to, I could live like a king, but work for UPS. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with working for UPS. Believe me, the thought has crossed my mind more than a few times.

So like the birds of the air who live simply from point A to point B, why should I do any different? All I have to do is live each and every day to the fullest --- the good ones, the frustrating ones and the downright I-wish-I hadn't-even-got-up-ones. All I have to do is fight for the richest life for myself by simply getting up each and everyday (well maybe 6 out of 7) and giving my all to this life that has been given to me, pouring every ounce of myself into the moments I have with my children and the wife. It's like Reagonomics, a trickle down of my riches onto my family. If I'm happy and fulfilled with myself, then I will encourage/reprimand/build up/love/endow with life lessons/discipline my kids with prudence and sensitivity and a genuine heart. The same goes for when when I kiss/am honest with/am being a friend to my wife. That's all I have to do. And that's where the hardest challenge lies. Why? Because the only one who's been in the way of this, even when I've blamed others, always has been and always will be...me. Even when someone else is in my way it's up to me to get around them, or pray for the strength to do so. Think about it: the next time you talk about what you can't do or what someone is doing to you, listen to yourself. What word do you find yourself using more than any other? I'll bet you money it's "I".

The older I get the simpler life becomes. Not because life has gotten any simpler. It's actually gotten ridiculously complex, tragic and needlessly violent. But for me, with age, I'm finding my focus getting sharper. The distractions that have kept me trapped in a morass of complexity, especially the ones in my own head, are falling away with each passing day. In their absence, only the beauty and simplicity (even during the tough times) of life remains. It's up to me to keep it that way and I'm committed to doing so upon my return to a full house. The same goes for you and your life if any of this sounds familiar.

I hope you make it all make sense for you in your own special way.

See you in September.

Voting ends today!


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I was surfing the Net over the weekend and stumbled onto a great article at YourTango.com entitled, "7 Tips for Living With the Unemployed" by Kayda Norman. I found some of the information to be pretty common sense, but common sense sometimes is the sense that escapes us the most. If you or anyone you know is in this situation (unemployed) then maybe this will help.

The economy is supposedly in recovery, but layoffs are still prominent in virtually every industry. Many more people than usual can relate to a phenomenon usually restricted to the over-60 set: living with an unemployed spouse.

While being laid off and entering into retirement are far from the same, they both often leave one half of a couple with extra time on their hands, and plenty of pent-up energy that their significant other, coming home after a long day at work, can't handle.

WSJ.com recently wrote an article that shared a few words of wisdom on how to deal with this situation. Here are a few of their tips, plus some of our own:

1. Be nice to each other and have a positive attitude.

As hard as it may be, try to not be discouraged during the job search, and make sure to support your spouse. If one of you says something negative, the other should try to come back with a positive. And don't forget, compliments can go a long way.

2. Encourage your partner to take up a hobby, get a side job or join a club (as well as continue to look for jobs).

Typically, people work an average of 40 hours a week, eight to nine hours a day. So is it any wonder that someone suddenly unemployed might go crazy with all that free time?

In order to squash the boredom before it begins, encourage your partner to stay as busy as possible. Stay healthy and join a sports team, or learn how to cook (this benefits your spouse as well). Read: Get Your Guy Off the Sofa And Into the Kitchen

Another option is taking up a side job waitressing or working as a sales associate. This will allow your sweetie to interact with other people as well as earn some money. But, of course, new hobbies shouldn't take up the time needed to continue the job hunt.

3. Encourage them to continue their existing friendships and to foster new ones.

As WSJ.com points out, those who recently lost their jobs are sometimes embarrassed and therefore shut out family and friends. They might cling to their partners for support. Tell your wife or husband to talk to their families and friends. They know and love them, and can be a good support system (rather than a support group of one: you).

4. Take up an activity together or plan a trip.

Though it might seem impossible, with money tight already, one couple solved their problem by deciding to travel the world together. Chris Hutchins and Amy Fox calculated that traveling to developing countries was just as cheap as living in San Francisco.

Read more...

Photo Source: Flickr



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I haven't asked a Question of the Week in months. Now is as good a time as ever to throw one out there so without any further procrastination:

Several conversations I had during my weekend stay in Atlanta were about meaning...the meaning of life, what really matters, why do I do what I do, could or should I be doing something else, etc., etc. If this current economy (and all the other daily madness) has had any positive effect on the microcosm, it has been to cause people to stop (be stopped) in their tracks, or at least slow down (be slowed down) a bit, and look inward. On my way back to NYC, I read a cover story in USA Today about how older white males are hurt more by this recession. But it didn't end before showcasing how many of these men are reinventing themselves.

People are going back to school, many people are tapping into their creative talents with a jackhammer (I'm raising my hand, right now), some are looking to be more of service to others, and still more are simply trying to put food on the table and keep their shirts on their backs. If you haven't had one of these conversations I encourage you to indulge in one with your friends, spouses or coworkers. What might begin as a depressing exercise can definitely become enlightening and empowering.

Besides the obvious paycheck...

• What Matters Most To You?
• Has This Economy Created New Goals/Priorities For You?
• If You Want To Make A Change, Are You Doing Anything About It?
• If You Are A Spouse Or A Parent Are You Conflicted Because of Your Individual Wants?

Answer one, or answer them all. It's up to you. I just hope it gets you thinking and working.


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UPDATE:

After the original writing of this post I suffered a number of foot and knee ailments that probably came with going too much too soon with more lard than I anticipated. I spent a couple of months recuperating and doing nothing until I got some new running shoes and added water to my diet.

I've been every other day for the past month and I have to say it feels great! I began feeling like a lumbering old man dragging two bowling balls behind me, one attached to each ankle. Now, I'm holding my own, running with a solid pace and a strong stride. The initial aches and pains have passed and I'm beginning to feel a little bit lighter on my feet. I want to be able to play all day with my daughter and go head to head with my son without needing an ice bath afterward. It's my two part commitment to myself and my family. So far so good. I'm going to add weights and exercises as soon as I feel comfortable and confident in my aerobic endurance.

I ran across this article on MSN the other day and thought it would be a great read for anybody out there who needs a little guidance on what to eat and how to eat it. I don't agree with everything written in the piece, but all of it is worth taking a look at.

Check it out here: 20 Superfoods for Weight Loss

Enjoy.

---------------------

My wife is disgusted by me. As much as she's been teasing me about my weight she simply doesn't understand how I could not work out for 3 years (since the birth of my daughter) and only gain 24 pounds. She it would only take her 3 months to do the same.

Who cares? I've gained 24 pounds! As subtle as the weight gain has been, I feel it and although no one else claims they notice, I can see it as clear as day. If my boot camp instructor (a crazy Panamanian who turned me into a machine in the months before my daughter's birth) saw me on the street he would probably beat me, set me on fire, call me all kinds of girlie names, make me do a hundred push-ups and crunches (while punching me the entire time), and make me run a five minute mile (to put out the flames). Just as any good trainer should. And now you know why my wife doesn't like working out with me.

My self-challenge began a while ago but now that the weather has gotten a little better I can begin to put the outdoor parts of it in motion. My Back-To-Me Challenge is to:

• get back into peak physical condition
• get back into the things that made me me such as church, foreign films, and indulging in perfect, time-consuming shaves
• get back into reading for the love of it
• get back into learning what my likes are and pursuing my goals as if there's no tomorrow
• get back to being in tune with my spirit and allowing myself to be guided by it versus the foolishness of this society
• get back to the place where I never settled and rarely took "no" for an answer

Today, not tomorrow - not next week, is the best day to begin turning things around. What do you need to do to get back to you?


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Check out the following:

Ross Oscar Knight Photography | Destination Wedding Photographers: Where There is a Challenge There is an Opportunity...

The above blog post falls right in line with the can of worms I opened yesterday. After seeing the photo in the link above I'm now convinced that my wedding photographer (who I had drinks with 4 days ago) is operating on a completely different level of creativity...like Neo did in The Matrix. I come from a family of creative producers, in particular an uncle who was nationally and maybe even internationally renowned for his artwork (sculpting in metal, oil painting and photography), and even my father, although an academic, completely creative in his approaches and a lover of photography himself. I'm really not in the business of sweating people, but I must say, I've never seen a photo like the one in the link above. Maybe I don't browse enough photography magazines or maybe dude is just an awesome talent.

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Photo Courtesy of Photobucket.

I'm back from Atlanta after spending Friday playing chaperon to my wife while an Emory University admission officers showed us around. That evening we had an early dinner at an outdoor pub on Peachtreee Street and drank apple and peach Belgian beer. Then we had a couple of drinks with KNIGHT and his wife. And finally, I watched the Lakers finish off the Nuggets from the 23rd floor of the W Midtown while my wife was out with a friend she's known since birth. On Saturday, we looked at at least 12 houses which by the end of the day, left me nauseous. Yesterday, I was at Citi Field roasting like a peanut in the sun as I sat along the third base foul line. The Mets beat the Marlins 3-2. My son ate from the time he got there until about the top of the eighth inning.

And now I'm sitting in my dining room first thing in the morning tapping these words on my laptop. Today is June 1, 2009. Today (maybe not tomorrow) I don't have a job, I don't have any job prospects, and I don't have a viable source of income other than my savings (a big no-no for me).

June is shaping out to be a pivotal month for me, historically. Last year I was embarking on a fruitless war with my wife. The year before that our living situation with the in-laws collapsed and fell to about the 7th ring of Hell. And now in a month that we're supposed to be leaving our apartment, putting down on a home or at least deciding which one we want, watching our son graduate from 8th grade, and not to mention have a good time on Father's Day, I find myself being backed into a corner and walled in by my circumstances.

The employment thing didn't just happen. I choose not to speak about the negative and prefer to focus mostly on the positive. Not because I'm some great human being but because, if I begin to acknowledge the negative it grows taller and stronger than me, loses one eye and begins to breathe fire. In no time I'm not contending with a problem, but rather an one-eyed, fire breathing juggernaut that wants to eat me.

May was difficult for me because I was steps away (or so I thought) from closing a book deal. Instead the person who was my agent went from being completely communicative, to short and distant via email and left me flapping in the wind like a jilted lover. Immediately I didn't want to do anything since the thought of starting over from scratch was worse than death. An immense amount of disdain for this blog erupted in me as a result of needing validation or some kind of return on investment. Suddenly I wanted money from this thing other than the $143 I've made off of it since 2/08. Every day was exactly the same as the day before it. Here for the first time I felt pressured to keep it light and fresh and different, when it really, truly wasn't.

I actually don't mind not having the job I had. I believe it stopped the tidal wave of my taking jobs I believe I can do well, versus doing what I truly want to do. I worked for a women's non-profit and although the work we did for the young girls toward pregnancy prevention was out of this world, the office culture (which myself included, totaled 4 men) was less than pleasant. It was like being a human in Planet of the Apes. We were second class, marginalized in meetings, spoken down to and when push came to shove, most of us were let go. My boss in particular suffered from the overwhelming desire to speak to me like I was in kindergarten. And although she knew I was a family man, I don't believe she knew how old I was, nor remembered from my resume that I have a Master's Degree and have managed staffs before. I spent most of my time there making phone calls on her behalf, writing letters for her, sending out emails for her and not being allowed to make a single, effin' decision on my own, ever. She wouldn't sign off on any career development classes for me and occasionally insisted that I work late in the wee hours of the night with my coworkers who without a doubt, worked very hard, but worked long because they spent so much time talking throughout the day. It was a very big step backwards for me. One I hope I don't have to suffer for other than time served.

And now here I am, free and confined all at the same time. I'm now an At-Home Dad who loves writing, photography, graphic design and almost all things music but I was raised to get a job and didn't know the things I loved could ever be worthwhile jobs. So the things I love --- I have no work history and the things I hate --- well...

I have a family and they deserve the best from me. Isn't the best from me the best of me? I don't want to merely be a superhero in the hearts and minds of my kids who are programmed to believe so anyway. I want to be a man of impact for many. Now's my chance, but right now the playing field looks more like a minefield.

Check back tomorrow for more.

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I don’t know how many of you out there are familiar with Pay Per Post. It’s a great service that allows you to generate revenue from your posts. You do this by setting payment parameters per word and per link. This plus your blog’s category determines which advertisers approach you. There is an approval process, but I don’t recall it taking more than a week or two. I signed up for the service maybe 6 or 7 months ago, but never used it. The dashboard looked like that of a 90’s Mitsubishi --- busy, busy, and more busy.

Not anymore. PayPerPost v4.0 is now live. The layout is clean and simple, quite frankly reminding me of Twitter’s login page. You enter your username and password and it lists your opportunities and account on two separate tabs. That’s it. No fuss, no muss. See the screenshot below.



The downside to this simplicity is you can’t see any opportunities other than what you’ve been offered. Upon further exploration I learned that this program is currently only in Alpha. Few advertisers are on board. They insist that this will be rectified soon.

Check it out when you have a moment.


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Remember this?



Remember him?

Remember the time?

Ahh...Da Bulls.

Happy Hump Day. Whatever your struggle may be...keep tryin'.

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Check out my latest position (excuse the pun) on this subject over at BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com.

Peace.

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I was all set to write something else for this week's Fatherhood Friday until I took this picture of my daughter while we were hanging out at Fort Tryon Park, one of my favorite places to chillax.

My daughter is but a speck compared to this tree, which stretches far past the frame of this picture, and everyone else that sits down or stands next to it doesn't fare much better. I have no idea how old it is, but given the age of the park, I know it's been around longer than all of us in the 20, 30 and 40 set. Large and gnarled it doesn't yet have its leaves which will soon shade thousands of visitors from the sun and provide homes for this season's set of insects and birds.

Isn't the same true of life? Life is bigger than all of us. It has also been around longer than us and will definitely continue on after we've all passed on. Like the Kansas song says (a recurring theme for television's Highland series, one of the worst and most addictive shows I've ever watched, "all we is dust in the wind" --- mere moments in the grander scheme of things.

Our economy, our nation, our world is all in a state of flux and turmoil. Everything from American cars to the price of milk is cause for complete woe. The media apparently has decided it isn't doing its job unless it's paralyzing us with a daily dose of insurmountable odds.

And then there's this tree... I'm certain it has weathered crisis after crisis that man has found himself swallowed up in. It doesn't seem to care. Neither does Life.

What are we really in control of? Like this tree my daughter is running from and Life itself, we aren't the biggest or even strongest things here. We die, seasons and trends change and three years from now, the madness right now might have direct effect on the future, but the current days, times and feelings will be nothing more than a memory.

I want to take a play from Life's game and simply exist, in spite of it all. Children instinctively understand this all too well. They just want to play. As we grow older and take on responsibilities we get stiff, tight and worried over things we ultimately cannot control.

Does this mean one should toss their hat into the ring of anarchy? No. But I do believe the only thing we have control over is what we do in our individual walks of life. I strive to do my best --- in work, at home, with my family, the occasional stranger in need of a random act of kindness and myself --- so that no matter the outcome, I can live without regret (or at least try). Maybe if a handful of people (no names required) tried to do this maybe our current state of affairs would be a little better. Maybe.

Life isn't too short, our time here is. Make the most of it. Starting with this weekend. Despite today's problems, today I can't be bothered. Happy Fatherhood Friday to my Dads (and Moms) and Happy Friday to everyone else.

Peace.


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Yeah...the reality of recent events hit me last night.

Our nation is going to Hell in a speedboat headed straight for a waterfall. In the midst of all the daily woe that doesn't need to be detailed here, a handful of individuals have decided they are soo entitled (and empowered by the actions of our govt.) that they are completely within their bounds and even have the audacity to insist they are legally bound to fly completely over the cuckoo's nest.





In no way shape or form do I advocate violence. I don't believe it solves anything. Nor am I suggesting that these people (AIG and so on), who are clamoring for the Nobel for Evil, deserve to meet the likes of a Tyrone Green on a dark and lonely summer night.

But eventually someone is going to crack...

Classic...

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My first post of the week that doesn't have a pic or a video. Let's see how it goes...

You get what you give.

It's really that simple.

Energy comes from within and manifests in the real world. What does an inventor do? He or she creates a tangible, digestible product in the real world based on a idea birthed (energized) from inside them. And most inventors who aren't quacks (and even the ones who are) live productive lives --- getting what they give.

But what about the rest of us? Almost everyone with a job although currently thankful to be working in this economy hates it because of all that it does to make their lives miserable (myself included). Newsflash: a job is inanimate no matter how many [insert plural expletive here] you work with, work for or have working for you. Or how about the woman who chooses to be a dormat for bad men and then proclaims all men are dogs? Then there's the man who is an overweight, walking-heart-attack waiting-to-happen. He berates his wife for putting on a few extra pounds and is shocked when he finds out she's been cheating on him just as much as he's been cheating on her. Many parents wants their children to be "more productive," but opts to use their berating the child or blaming a teacher, rather than a) talking and working with their child themselves, and b) creating options/solutions for growth and opportunity, such as paying for a tutor. A final example: I've always enjoyed listening to coworkers and strangers alike discussing their frustration with weight loss while chewing on a slice of pizza or a greasy cheeseburger with a side salad made of 3 pieces of lettuce and 1 tomato, and washing it all down with a diet Pepsi.

ManyMost of us want the world, but are only willing to give the change along with the lint in our pockets to acquire it. Then we slam life as not being fair when we don't get our way. We've become a nation of people who don't save for the things we want --- who don't actually pay for anything anymore. Instead we hope some financial institution will give us credit (and unless you're under a rock, you know where that's gotten us as a nation). We laud athletes for the skill and strength they have, but why? Skill aside, these people work out and practice their sport for a living. It only makes sense that they excel. Even the grotesque exceptions: the Jordans (Michael) of the world. They defy description and the things they've done seem inhuman to us mere mortals. But would we feel this way if we spent nearly every waking moment of our lives dedicating ourselves to that "thing" we are good at and/or must do?

This isn't foolproof of course because we live in this little construct called life. And sometimes, life really just ain't fair --- no matter how hard you work, no matter how much you pray. (I always put my cart away when I go grocery/Target shopping and I can't tell you how many times I've walked out to my truck to find a cart pushed up against it.) And often it does take two or more to make things work. But it only takes you to know in your heart you're giving your all. Outside of this and unforeseeable incidents (both good and bad) more times that not, we are ultimately at the center of what does and doesn't happen in our individual lives due to our thoughts and our deeds --- for better or worse.

• Are you getting what you give (directly or indirectly) in/at/to your: relationship (physical/spiritual), job, family, spouse, finances, health, dreams, etc.?
• If not, do you believe you could or should be giving more to achieve the results you want?
• Or, are you getting EXACTLY what you're giving (a whole lot, or a whole lot of nothing)?

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It's February and most people I know have pissed away their New Year's Resolutions.After this Monday's post about my new piece over at MochaManual.com, a friend sent me a congratulatory email saying the following:

"I am happy to see that your writing has really taken off. Congrats on the new spot. Confucius said: 'A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.' You are past the first step and have hit your stride. I wish you continued blessings doing what you love so that [you will not have to work all the days of your life.] More than that your children will know the importance of not just following, but living their dreams.

Peace and Blessings..."

Nearly everything follows this order when it comes to us humans. My being a pontificating father of a thirteen year old and a three year old began with one step (0bviously) then many more successive ones. The same goes for being a husband, a son, and even being African American (not that I had a choice on this one - or would have it any other way). Not all of my steps were sure steps, nor will all of the ones from this point. There's no manual on this stuff. The same goes for my writing. If someone had told me ten years ago, that it would take at least ten years for me to "hit my stride" with my writing: 1) I would've laughed in their face; and 2) had I believed them, I never would've gone past GO.

But that's just how this life is, a collection of steps --- a cumulative journey --- a trip along a set of tracks. The results along the way can bear tasty (and lucrative) fruit, but the path is where the real treasure lies.

Following yesterday's post about remaining financially afloat, I believe now is as good a time as any to go after your dreams - to get unstuck from GO. After the 9/11 attacks almost no one was flying. But a friend of mine who decided to take the risk, played the field and crisscrossed the country for no more than $25 a flight and stayed in 5-star hotels for pennies. The same applies for now. I can't tell you how to do it because your path is yours for you and you alone to sort out. But first and foremost do you have the guts to make a move (even with kids) past GO?

Well...do you?

Will you?