Last month, I featured this picture on Facebook with a statement directed towards women about a man being a good cook being a man who will take care of you. Well, in retrospect this was a pretty ridiculous claim to make. A man who can cook is most certainly aware of foods, palettes and maybe even chemistry to a certain extent. He may be aware of his surroundings, especially if he is an organic farm to table kind of guy. He might even be conscientious about pleasing, impressing, satisfying, and/or catering to others. But none of the above qualifies what kind of father and husband a man will be. Through the opposite lens, the same goes for women too. A man who can cook is a great asset, no different than one who is handy around the house. But this is a feature, not the total package.

I participated in a campaign on behalf of Dad Central Consulting for AVEENO. I received product samples and a promotional item as a thank you for participating.”

There's not much to primp about when you're a dad, or at least it's highly unlikely that there's much time to do so with all that is on our plates. Much of this by our families. But most of us all have that one thing we don't skimp on. For me, this one thing is shaving.

From being a prepubescent kid with no hair, to a teen with peach fuzz, to a young man with razor bumps to the man that I am today I tie my manhood into my shaving routine. It is the ritual I looked forward to and worked many years to perfect. I've shopped for shave creams and pre-shave oils as far away as the United Kingdom and spent on shaving brushes what some might spend on groceries for the weekend. There's nothing like working up a real lather with a shave brush and making it and everything beneath it disappear with a diamond sharpened safety razor --- my razor of preference, or your garden variety mega-quadruple-action razor blade available at your local store. You come through the bathroom door smelling a natural, spicy lavender, lemon or jasmine. Your skin looks young and fresh, if you couldn't grow a sprig of peach fuzz if you tried. And it's noon.

The Problem

Herein lies the problem with the perfect shaving routine ---- it is a labor of love. Unless you shave the night before, which in my case schedules my five o'clock shadow to come forth around two-thirty, there is entirely too much to do in the morning to spend ten to fifteen minutes getting your face ready for the day, longer if you have a bald head.

The Question

So when I don't have the time, all week long, I opt for something a lot more affordable, a little quicker and more functional and durable. Something I can take in the shower with me and not run the risk of washing $35 down the drain. But here's the problem, how do you do this without sacrificing your face using low-cost shaving creams and face washes filled with menthol and alcohol to trick you into think your tingling skin is manly?

The Answer

You don't sacrifice your face.

I wasn't surprised when I began using AVEENO® Mens Products because I've used their lotions and face soaps (teen acne days) for many years. I'm familiar with how their ACTIVE NATURALS® Oat ingredient works to cleanse, moisturize and soothe skin. When my daughter was teeny tiny we gave her baths with an AVEENO brand product to soothe her baby eczema flare-ups.

Get The Right Shave Right Now

After spending two weeks using the Men's Face Wash, Shave Gel and After Shave Lotion I can say I'm getting the same smooth shaves as I do from using higher-end men's grooming products. They make good on the promise that it's designed specifically for the needs of men's skin. My face is evenly soft to the touch despite being dry in some spots and oily in others. If feels healthily moisturized from sun up to sundown without crossing over into oily-land. When I pop the cap on the Shave Gel in the morning I'm always greeted with a subtly cool fresh scent that gets me ready to face the day.

If you're looking for an affordable alternative to high-end shaving products or a quality alternative to the shaving products you've been using for too long, allow me to recommend AVEENO Mens Products.

What makes or breaks your facial shaving routine? Do you shave in the morning or at night?

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Thoughts? Please, let me know in the Facebook or Disqus comment sections below.

What is it about the superhero that so many of us find so fascinating? Everyone isn't a comic book reader and everyone doesn't have a wild imagination, but with the technology of visual effects having caught up with the minds of the artists and writers who put ink to page and brought the characters of our modern day mythology to life, superhero flicks being runaway blockbusters is irrefutable proof that they mean something to most of us. (Side note, that was an incredibly long sentence).



People who know me well know how far and wild my imagination soars. They've seen me pour through the pages of the superhero comics. They've commented that my drive is inexhaustible. But life dictates that you take care of your responsibilities, FIRST. And so I do. And find myself at times terribly confined and unbearably normal.



The superhero complex is an easy one. It isn't about the iron suit, the invulnerability, the ability to fly, the dark rage,  the awesome gadgets, the healing factor or the ability to sense danger. These are the mere tools that distinguish one from the other. What marries them all together is their decision, or in some instances, compulsion, to become more than what they previously were or what they thought they were even capable of. When push came to shove these men and women tapped into their essence and used their powers, whether they were derived from birthright, through tragedy or by way of some freak accident, to rise above and make lives or life itself, a little better and a little safer.



And aren't we all capable of the same? But how many of us opt to be terribly ordinary for fear of rocking the boat or having to contend with what others think. How ironic is it that we go out in droves to watch movies about people with extraordinary abilities, when every single one of these characters were created as metaphors that exist in everyday life.

And not to leave the fairer sex out...



We make actors and singers into millionaires --- people who dared to be different and some who probably spent some part of their lives judged and misunderstood. Why can't you be super? Why can't I? What's so complex about being a superhero, other than the fear of embracing your true nature and making life better because of it?

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Thoughts? Please, let me know in the Facebook or Disqus comment sections below.

Sex.

I know this is what you thought as soon as you saw the title. But this isn't what this is about. Nor is belaboring the obvious. Men need sex just as women do. It's truly sad when it's missing, especially between married couples. Arguably, they are the ones who need it the most. But that's not the point today.

But before sex there is affection, consideration, intimacy, sincerity, hand-holding, saying, "I love you," from time to time and meaning it rather than choking on the words as if you were gargling sand. And that goes for both men and women. Especially men, who do a much better job of bottling up their emotions and needs and suffer terribly and often needlessly internally.

The key to understanding all of the above is spelled out almost word for word in the bible and honestly most other ancient texts that seek to achieve balance and harmony with man, his (or her) peers and the surrounding society. But nowadays everyone is too tech savvy for this, too on point, too keeping it real, too chasing after the golden egg, too rough too tough, two tight Afro puffs and too miserable. So their fellow human who might appreciate a kind word or gesture gets bulldozed and bludgeoned by the verbal stones that most of us happily hurl on a daily basis. 'Cause we "keep it real."

The needs I am referencing are much simpler than anything I am referencing above. I'm talking about the basics that every man should have once he becomes a man, unless he opts not to.

In no way am I disrespecting the Occupy Wall Street movement that has spread from my beloved city of NYC out across the nation. Instead I'm giving credit where credit is due to all the DADs out there who have generated so much online content in the forms of blogs and sites that they can no longer be ignored.

Defiant & Dad, Circa 2006

Jason Avant recently wrote 3 Things You Should Know About Dad Bloggers. Please read it. This article chronicles, showcases and myth-bust this "phenomenon" otherwise known as the Rise of the Dad.

Of course we're not MOM. We're not even trying to be. And that's the point.

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This IS NOT a review...

Growing up I was the dishwasher. This meant I washed and dried the dishes. My parents put the dishes away until I was tall and strong enough to do so myself. This among several other chores was what I did to "earn my keep" at Casa de Payne - Chi-Town. Via this experience I learned what a clean plate and cup truly is: it sparkles, it squeaks upon being touched and it doesn't streak unless your hands are dirty. Automatic dishwashers were out back then, but why get one when you had a living one under your roof?

I owned my first automatic dishwasher at the age of 35. I ordered it from Best Buy and had it installed in the kitchen of a home I was flipping (back when homes could be flipped). It was beautiful. I only used it once: I turned it on to make sure it worked.

At 6:48am this morning I turned 40 years old. I don't feel any different than the day before or the hundreds of days preceding today. I've done some thinking about it though and come up with this short list of not-so secrets to staying young at heart, mind and soul. Hopefully by doing these things the body will also follow suit:

Me, Thinking

In 21 days I will be 40...

There's nothing grave in this statement for me. I don't plan on losing my mind. Although my wife has talked about trading me in on more than one occasion, I have no desire to swap her out for a newer model with more gizmos and options. You won't see a taxi cab yellow and chrome chopper sitting sparkling in my driveway. I won't be in a convertible at least until I'm able to put my current alternator-free SUV back on the streets. I don't plan on buying a four carat diamond to stick in the vacant piercing in my left ear. Nope - no mid life crisis for me.

Navy Pier at Sunset. Eric Payne © 2011. All Rights Reserved

Tickets for Baby Girl & I for a Lake Michigan Boat Ride: $40

Dinner with views of the Lakeshore at Chango Loco at Navy Pier: $30

Temperature on Lake Michigan: Freezing

Wednesday Night Fireworks on the Lake during boat ride: Spectacular

Whispering in my daughter's ear, "We are on a date," and she responding, "I know, Dad.": PRICELESS

Being out on the town for the evening with two other fathers doing the exactly as I was in the name of hanging and doing something with our kids at the same time: Simply Unforgettable...


I'm the author of DAD: As Easy As A, B, C! - 26 Dos & Don'ts for Fathers. Click here for my story and the origin of Makes Me Wanna Holler. Do you Tweet? Follow EPayneTheDad on Twitter. Live on Facebook? Like Makes Me Wanna Holler on Facebook.

Fatherhood Is A Movement

You can prove them wrong. You have the power.

First and foremost, thank you for being a reader and supporter of Makes Me Wanna Holler.com I can't tell you how rewarding it has been to be able to connect with you in the name of fatherhood, family and positive living in this day and age. For a long time I've wanted to reach out to parents, fathers in particular, directly to give them the things I've learned on own through trial and error. But each time I've tried I've been told the following by "the powers that be" of the publishing community: "You're not a celebrity," "You're not an expert," "You will only appeal to one type of audience," and probably most alarming, "You should write your book for women because men won't read it." Well I've decided to prove the naysayers wrong with DAD: As Easy As A, B, C! It's both a guide and a personal journal for fathers of all stages and their spouses/partners. It is my testimony and proof that you don't have to be a celebrity with a ghost writer to be an authority on that which you and I do every day. This is Fatherhood Revealed from the trenches of real-life Dad-dom.

It's arriving on Father's Day 2011 to the Amazon Kindle Store. But you have the opportunity right now to show your support by joining, Liking and sharing, the DAD: AS Easy As A, B, C! Facebook Page where you will receive updates and news about the book and yours truly, the humble author.

Let's show the world that fatherhood is still viable in 2011. Not only is it viable, it's thriving! Prove that the average everyday hardworking citizen does more than hang on the ghost-written words of celebrities and "experts" who live in glass houses. Thanks for reading and please share this post with your networks.
on!

DAD: As Easy As A, B, C!

E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

This falls under both AP Manhood and Manhood 101. Any man who doesn't believe he needs to respect or honor women as he does himself is a fool. Whether this means giving your seat to a pregnant woman on the train or bus. Helping an elderly woman (if she wants it) across the street or down the hall, holding doors open for a woman walking in front of you or behind you as you enter a building, opening car doors, pulling out her seat at dinner, bending down to pick something up that a woman dropped or at the very least letting her know she dropped it, saying "Please" and "Thank you" when making a request and receiving it from a woman...the list is endless and should be adhered to in all but the most extreme cases. In in these situations all you can do is pray.

Believe what you want, but women are our mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, cousins, aunts, teachers, nurses, pastors, etc. For the man out there not giving a flying you know what about women I pose the question: how would you feel if someone was doing the same to any of the women in your life defined at the beginning of this paragraph?

As my little daughter says, "Girls rock!" Damn what a rapper says in front of a catchy beat or some high pitched young'n sings on today's top R&B singles. Chivalry ain't dead, just the thinking of those who believe otherwise.

This is AP Manhood.


E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

Photo Courtesy Eric Payne. All Rights Reserved.

None of us truly knows what lies ahead in the distance. For all that we are capable of we cannot predict or see the future. As a result, the unknown can be a place of great fear. This fear can be so great that it often paralyzes or gives rise to bad if not dumb decisions. But this doesn't have to be the case. The man who thrives despite the unknown is the one lives in the present confidently enjoying and positively exploiting as much as possible, fully aware that in his Present he is laying the foundation for his Future and the futures of those affected by him.

This is AP Manhood.

E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

Those of us who have reached a state of AP Manhood either by choice or circumstance know, understand and embrace the reality that in order to function and function effectively one must have his house in order. In other words, the man who thrives is the one who has his affairs in order. Affairs are inclusive of all of the required pieces of the puzzle --- from finances to having the necessary tools to succeed (whatever success is for you). In much simpler terms, a man shouldn't make the mistake of talking about that house on the hill that he wants if he's drowning in debt and doesn't have a plan in place that will help him to rise above his circumstances.

Anything that is out of order in your life will be a contributing factor for why you aren't the fully realized man that you envision yourself to be. Whether this is fast and loose spending with no accounting, not going to the doctor when you know something is wrong, bad habits such as too much time at the bar or strip club, or the company you keep --- homies who are helping you go nowhere or that woman who is killing you softly, loudly or slowly, or simply driving you insane.

Take time to assess Project You. Take out a pen and pad and write down what is working and what isn't. If you have a close friend, talk to them about it and get their two cents. Look at your notes and decide if what you've written down is going to get you where you want to be. If so, then stop reading right now. If not, then get your house in order, get rid of the B.S. and get right with yourself, your family, your God (if this is your belief system). And if you can't do it yourself, set aside some of that money you normally burn (no matter how little money you might be making we all burn a portion of our incomes) and pay someone who knows how to whip you into shape.

It ain't easy so don't take my tough talk as dismissive and detached. But it can and must be done if thriving vs. surviving is your objective.

This is AP Manhood.


E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

Happy Friday! Sorry I've been away for most of this week. I've been busy on the homestead. Today's lecture begins now!

In today’s times with the economic crunchcrush being what it is your average citizen at every turn, the logical thinking is to plunge 100% into the self. Meaning no one has the time or resources to be about anything but keeping their own heads above water. Or do they?

As many readers here know, I am a HUGE advocate of volunteerism. Volunteerism allows you to take the focus off of you by sharing a piece of yourself with someone else who could really use a hand. Volunteerism isn’t about writing a check once a month to a charity you get a end of the year tax break on, volunteerism is about seeking out a cause that means something to you, finding something or someone who could benefit from your time, talent, intellect and in some instances strength. And I would encourage you to do it more than once. If you’re schedule doesn’t allow for a weekly volunteer effort than at least do your best to commit to once a month.

Whether it’s being a Big Brother, a tutor, a mentor, a food distribution warehouse worker, an usher at your church, a volunteer gardener, a campaign manager for a political campaign or even seeing a need and taking the initiative to create something to address it yourself. You’ll be surprised at how many different ways your skills, talents and strengths are appreciated by others, and you may even discover you might not be as bad off as you originally thought, thus restructuring your world view of yourself and causing you to walk a little taller, with a little more confidence knowing you’ve done some good for someone other than yourself. Your life will be a little to a lot richer. Maybe not in dollars, but in value.

A man living an Advanced Placement existence knows that his life isn’t just about him.



E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

If you hang out on my Facebook Page or opened the recent email I sent out to subscribers, you'll know I revealed that I'm currently penning an eBook on Fatherhood. It's a very short read that will be a combination guide and journal for fathers and the women that love them. Interestingly enough it has taken way longer than I anticipated to complete and I've been very dissatisfied with my (virtual)book cover until now.

Here it is in what should be in it's almost final version:





















If you like, please share in the comments and share amongst your social networks.

Thanks!

E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

Most if not all of you probably don't know that I've been home alone for the past 16 days. By Sunday it will be 18. Not literally sitting in my home by myself, but on the last day of March my wife boarded a plane headed for the Middle East and Europe for her Business School Externship.

While she's been gone I've:

• been to the DMV 3 times.
• been to traffic court where I was treated like a felon for an expired registration.
• traversed most of Georgia at least 8 times taking my son to basketball games.
• registered my daughter for multiple Kindergartens.
• had 2 job interviews.
• worked out nearly every day and lost 12 pound in the process.
• kept the kids comforted during a power outage.
• spit shined my home to museum standards.
• made 4 trips to a body shop making sure my wife's car was fixed properly (she was in a minor fender bender).
• landed one of the 2 jobs I've interviewed for and waiting to hear back from the other.
• sifted, sorted, shredded and resubmitted more paperwork than any sane man should ever have to.
• worked out at the gym with my son.
• slept an average 3 hours a night.
• set up a tutoring schedule for my son
• volunteered my usual 3 hours per week and added mentoring a young man in writing to my goodwill basket.
• put up new curtains and curtain rods.
  
• gotten both of my children up, dressed, fed and out of the house before 8 am.
• done my daughter's hair almost as well as mom does, including, washing, conditioning, oiling her scalp, detangling her hair (which now is to the small of her back) and braiding it
• taken my daughter bike riding everyday after school and on the weekends as weather permits.
• taken both kids on a picnic.
  
• cooked 5 out of the 7 days of the week.
• arranged 3 playdates with my daughter and her little friends.
• watched Inception 3 times (it wasn't that deep to me - I got it on the first watch).

The only thing I didn't manage to do was actually be in two places at the same time, though I tried. I was quite terrible at it.

Over the years my wife has traveled often but never for this long. And after this trip I will probably seriously insult the next woman who cracks a joke about me being Mr. Mom, or struggling with my kids when Mom isn't around because guess what? None of that is true. But I guess gender discrimination washes both ways.

No I'm not Mr. Mom, or "babysitting" my own damn kids, or frazzled or hanging on by a thread. Have I been tired? Yes. Have I had moments where I've been at wit's end? Definitely! Have I had any time to myself? Mostly after midnight when I can't leave the house and I'm delirious with fatigue. Have I ever once considered that I can't do this? Not even once. But, I don't have any newfound appreciation for what my wife does for two reasons: 1) I've always known the lengths that moms go to without thinking twice; and 2) my wife has never had parent alone and as long as I'm taking in air, she never will.

I'm DAD, doing what I'm supposed to be doing, doing it thanklessly, doing it because I love my kids, doing it because I was ordained to do so, doing it because I'm not a boy, doing it because it's my responsibility, doing it because I love doing it, doing it with my eyes closed, doing it in my sleep, waking up and just doing it, doing it and not thinking twice, doing it and doing it well.

I'm not some dude married to a woman that has my kids and then I "help out". I'm not just the guy who steps up when it's time to drive or pay a bill. I'm DAD in every sense of the word, and maybe even redefined. If my wife's trip showed me anything, it let me know just how far I'm willing to go to see to it that me and mine are taken care of. And how far is that?

As far as the eye can see.

I'm DAD. Period.

Photo Credit: The Welsh Poppy

E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

You might be scratching your heads on this one, but the non-italicized title above doesn't really do justice to the point I intend to make for today's lesson.

Borrowing from the Rich Dad Poor Dad psychology, the non-advanced man or the man who has simply gotten knocked off course a bit asks the question: "How can I...?" when faced with something he may wish to do, have or participate in. His stress is on the I. I meaning his present set of circumstances, skill set, or whatever it may be, that hold him captive in a prison of impossibility and lack.

The Advanced Placement Man when faced with something he may wish to do, have or participate in, asks: "How can I do this is?" In other words, what is it going to take/what do I need to do to accomplish this goal? He acknowledges his present set of circumstances and/or his lacking and is seeking to move beyond this place.

How he might go about doing this is detailed in AP Manhood: No Plan B.



E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

Any man worth his salt knows that he will never always be right. In fact a real man knows that in this great big world of ours, he knows very little. This in turn has the positive effect of making him a sponge for knowledge and wisdom at every turn.

Additionally, the man who realizes, recognizes or if necessary, is compellingly convinced that he is wrong should and must apologize quickly. Why not? Real men don't play games. They don't allow situations that are within their control to get worse. They don't allow emotional wounds to fester to the point of wreaking havoc on their lives or the lives of others. If they are focused on succeeding, then they won't have time to navigate self-made chaos. If, upon apologizing for an offense a person opts to not forgive you or seeks to punish you, that's on them. Your responsibility as a man is to acknowledge your wrong and be accountable for it. In between acknowledgment and accountability lies the apology.

Apologize...quickly.



E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

You're a man. You're passionate about your goals. Whether you dream big or small you have a dream. When you lay your head on your pillow at night that dream talks to you. When you wake you wish you were in that dream.

But you're not. Why? Because you have a Plan B.

That God-given itch inside of you is your calling, your destiny. That thing you were meant to be. But having an itch doesn't necessarily preclude knowing how to scratch it. Nothing worth having has ever been easily achieved and if you cheat to get it, you typically lose in the long run.

So if you don't know how to achieve your goals/dream, get close to someone who is doing what you want to do. Make them your friend. Get them to pour their knowledge into you. Have a pen and pad when you are around them or take clear mental notes. Invest in continuing education. Attend seminars or webinars. Immerse yourself in Google until you become an expert in what it is you'd like to do.

Right now you might be saying to yourself (or me), "Being an actor doesn't pay the bills." Well here is where you're "Plan B" kicks in. Figure out how to make your money work for you so you can survive. Set an investment or savings plan so that you can live off of savings for 6 months to a year and then go hard during those 6 to 12 months. Create a cushion of cash to keep you off welfare and to keep a roof over your head or find someone's roof to live under, but be good to them while they are being generous to you.

There is no Plan B. Plan To Be successful. By having a Plan B you simply rob yourself of your potential. If you've got kids, then you'll just have to plan to be even more successful. In the end, if it doesn't work out at least you know you tried. And another door will open for you that you will know to go through.

Plan To Be successful. And remember success is a term that only you can add value to as it is different for each and every one of us.



E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

A critical rite of passage for a man comes when he is broken. Broken from a belief system that had him full of himself and left with the only the ashes and shrapnel of his folly. This can happen by circumstance or at the hands of another man...or woman. It is that moment or series of moments when all of your self-aggrandizing, a.k.a delusions of grandeur get flushed down the toilet. Humiliated, shamed, lost, you are officially broken.

What happens next separates the real men from the other men. A man's true, defining character comes forth once all is lost. I'm no Army man, but I believe wholeheartedly in breaking a boy (a male pretending to be a man) purifying him of all his foolishness and then building him back up in the way he should go.

If you are going through a challenge right now that has you teetering; you might even already be broken. Regardless of where the blame lays, use this as opportunity for growth. Learn from your mistakes and rise above them into a new you.



E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.