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What Works vs. What Doesn't Work

Me, Thinking
In 21 days I will be 40...

There's nothing grave in this statement for me. I don't plan on losing my mind. Although my wife has talked about trading me in on more than one occasion, I have no desire to swap her out for a newer model with more gizmos and options. You won't see a taxi cab yellow and chrome chopper sitting sparkling in my driveway. I won't be in a convertible at least until I'm able to put my current alternator-free SUV back on the streets. I don't plan on buying a four carat diamond to stick in the vacant piercing in my left ear. Nope - no mid life crisis for me.

Instead what I have been doing is thinking and I've been doing a lot of it. When Borders announced it was shutting down for good, I went through the place on autopilot snapping up self-help books and law of attraction magazines. Apparently my mind knows it's turning 40 (and 9 months or so) has been hard at work unraveling personal mysteries which I've barely invested any conscious energy toward. The past has been popping up like a YouTube video series --- snippets of my life haven been appearing before my eyes and I'm asking myself: What happened? It's not a regret based question, but literally, What happened?!

My life, the sum total of my choices and decisions along with a good heaping dose of the human experience on Earth, is not what it could or should be or maybe it is exactly what it is supposed to be as we have no frame of reference for what is "supposed to be" (sorry, A-types). But what I will say is that not too long ago I made a right turn from what worked in my life --- the little day-to-day persnickety things that made me successfully me. And why?

  • Because my wife thought they were silly or didn't make sense?
  • Because I became a father?
  • Because I lost touch with old friends?
  • Because I fell out with other friends?
  • Because I got lazy?
  • Because I thought that I didn't have to do those things anymore once I got to a comfortable place?
  • Because I got comfortable?
  • Because I got lost trying to reinvent myself when I never had to?

My wife loved me for the person I was --- the person that worked for a whopping 28 years prior to meeting her, but upon becoming involved I started doing things I had never done before in the name of compromise.

Upon reaching a certain financial destination in my life I abandoned all the things that got me there because I had arrived. But how could that have been when there is no finish line?

I'm a morning person in fact I THRIVE in the mornings. But the people closest to me are not morning people and in trying to fit in I rendered myself impotent: working during hours I have no business working, foregoing sleep in the name of well...I'm not even really sure.

So the other day my mind asked me: Why would you abandon what works to fish around in what you KNOW does not? He went on to add - all those people that may have had something to say don't even appreciate who you are now and they never knew what the (curse word) they were talking about in the first place. I took from this that I should definitely compromise for the sake of say family, but I should've never abandoned me for the sake of...again, I'm not really sure. Suddenly life, this thing I've been contemplating for at least 6 years where I went wrong and so often, suddenly has gotten a little simpler. What I used to do is coming back to me in blocks, bytes and chunks of information.

  • I'm a morning person.
  • I'm a disciplined person.
  • I'm a freakishly neat and organized person.
  • I am athletic and competitive and if I can't be that way I start to die from the inside out.
  • I'm a person who likes certain things a certain way and should never be chided for my interests, especially if I don't chide anyone else for theirs.
  • I have no concept of what is "supposed to be" I have no idea what perfection is. Now I'm free to live each day one day at a time putting forth my best effort every day so I close my eyes at night with no regrets.
  • I need to get back to what works and ignore the commentary no matter how loud it gets --- even from loved ones.
Deep down inside you know what works for you versus what doesn't. And if you have any age on you you should know how to make these things work for you - a plan at the very least. And if you don't know I suggest you take a few moments with yourself to get down to the nitty gritty or as some of us say, get down to the get-down.

What works for you? What doesn't, hasn't and isn't working for you?

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