Exactly one year ago today I wrote my first weblog post on this site. At the time it was called Manchild in The Promised Land. I had lofty goals: to speak about my blessing in spite of all the forces working against me --- issues at work, issues at home, issues with society, whatever.

And after a couple of weeks I stayed to my theme, but it was just sooooo boring. Inspiring, but boring. So I tried to think of something else that might click better with me. While this was going on, I was growing to detest my commute into work --- the sending my son off to school at a God awful hour, the having to leave my baby behind with someone else to raise her for 8-10 hours a day, the arguing with my wife about the little things husbands and wives argue about while trying to get anywhere on time, the train and finally work itself (but only to a small degree because I wanted to keep my job). I began to complain, satirically, but complain all the same. Then I began to comment on more ludicrous pieces of news that I ran across either on the Internet or on television. I began a piece called What the Hell. A few people commented with little tidbits like, LOL or Funny!

The more I added commentary the more I realized I was hollerin’ and everything I was writing about made me want to holler. And so a new and final title to this blog was born. Meanwhile my marital bliss (I had been married for roughly 5 months) was tanking quickly. Being with my wife for 7 years before our actual marriage had a lot to do with this because married life although new was not exactly new life with her. At the time I was coming to terms with the absence of a what I thought was a very great friend from my life (I removed him) and the subsequent loneliness that I felt and still feel to this day being that all the guys I used to roll with simply are no more for one good or pointless reason or another. Work and family life infringed so much on my time that I had to give up the gym. My eating habits changed for the worse. Quickly I became a man with no outlets. And with only one television in the house life got really dismal.

But as a man of extreme faith I’ve always been able to look at the lighter side of things and make fun of myself, although I don’t want anyone making fun of me. I began to mix pieces of my home life with my commute, work and everything else on this blog until one day I wrote the post Threesomes.

The response I got was surprising. As most of my base were people I knew they weren’t accustomed to commenting yet so they all called me to tell me how funny I was. And every parent out of that group told me they could relate, either because they remembered those times or they were currently going through it themselves. An author friend of mine, Bernice McFadden, went so far as to tell me, “I like the stuff you put on your blog a whole lot more than the fiction you’re trying to get published. You have something here. You need to run with it. By the end of the year it could really be bookworthy.”

I was horrified by Bernice’s complimentary criticism, but I took her words to heart and began, over the next few months shifting my content, learning bits and pieces of HTML and tricks and trades of blogging to erect what you’re looking at today --- a daddy blog, that’s also a husband blog, that’s also a black man’s blog, every once in a while a movie blog, once or twice a photo blog, also a music blog, and often a random blog.

MakesMeWannaHoller is a year old today and 169 posts later, I’m seriously considering revamping my site completely although I really don’t want to undertake the effort to make it look the way I’m thinking of making it look. So in the meantime while I entertain the prospects of MakesMeWannaHoller 2.0, sit back and enjoy this blog’s birthday week. I’m coming hard with the posts all this week, blogging as if I were getting paid to do it.

Maybe one day I actually will.

Thank you all --- original, loyal and newest readers --- for the love.

Peace.

"Dr. [George Washington] Carver died penniless and insane, still trying to play a phonograph record with a peanut. This has been 'Black History Minute.'"

Langston Hughes (1902-1967) is my favorite author. He was a product and an icon of the Harlem Renaissance as well as a world traveler and completely ahead of his time. His poetry is magnificent and my favorite book, a collection of short stories entitled, The Ways of White Folks, is priceless as far as I'm concerned.

As writer who's been aspiring for a little over ten years, I can only hope to stand in the shadow of this great, great man.

And so it is Friday once again. After a one-day break from the Internet after an acute case of information overload (it happens), I'd like to wish everyone a happy and prosperous Friday that flows well into the weekend.

A week ago today I was headed home to my uncle's funeral. I was way above the clouds and caught the sun spreading out across the horizon. It put me in complete awe of God's world that I've had the pleasure of living in for a few years.



With the continual recession, the tanking economy, the politics of the Stimulus Package, increasing unemployment, cars rusting away on dealer lots, and seemingly every city and state going to Hell, I have to say my thoughts are hardly on any of this. My head is in the clouds today just as it literally was last week. I'm focused on God, my family and being prospered in mind, body and spirit (and my pocket too).

Happy Friday, y'all!

See today's earlier post.

Personally, I've never believed porn could benefit a relationship. I know couples who tried to "work it out" with porn and it went downhill even faster. I think like too many war movies and war video games it can desensitize you to intimacy. As far as being a skill clinic --- maybe so because you definitely see some skilled individuals in these films, damn their drug and alcohol abuse and suicidal tendencies. But if you're talking about love, or love (not sex) in need of repair, then there's very little porn can do for you because there is no love in porn. More times than not for men (remember, only women responded to my question) porn becomes a vice, a harmless pastime in our minds. I mean, hey, we're not hurting anyone, right? We're not even hurting ourselves. There's no drugs or alcohol involved, so nothing's wrong with it, right? We just spend all of our alone time with it. We just think about her (name one --- should I? Nope) when we should be thinking about you. I mean it's okay to fantasize about her body in place of yours. It's okay that she's Asian, blond, or 19 with gazongas that defy gravity, or a badunka you could play handball with. It's just thoughts, right? I'm not really cheating, right?

Right.

Porn can lead a man to believe that he can get it anywhere (if he can afford it) and get it better than he has it at home, especially if you're in a rut and not getting along with your significant other. And this might be true, but he may not be aware that he's the one with the problem, which will only cause more problems for him. As far as it solving relationship problems - it can be a salve, but seriously, who ever stayed together for sex? Yeah, people definitely keep coming back for more, but I'm talking about stayed. Most people say or think, "Man, the sex was good, but damn, I hated his/her ass!" The fundamental problem with stand alone sex is that 1) it stands alone and doesn't address any other issues you might be having with someone; and 2) man spends more of his time upright than horizontal and until men figure out how to spend the majority of their time horizontal it will never be intoxicating enough to "fix" any relationship. I only say this because almost everyone who responded to my question (besides talking about granny panties) used porn in the context of being a personal remedy and didn't speak of any societal ramifications --- objectification, devaluing of a woman's essence (making it the property of men or showing that women live to give it away), sexual violence, lust without love, and the fact that anyone doing all the ish they do in film in real life is going to end up with a baby or a disease. And then what? And don't even throw religion into the pot --- then you've got a whole 'nother pot of mess to deal with. As the guy on SNL says, "A...HOLE...'NOVAH...LEVAHL!"

I hope I didn't get too serious with this.

All in all it was a great to hear from more than my regular loyal readers out there and have them interact with one another through their comments. I think everyone left their computer screens with something to think about. I look forward to hearing from you all again, but I have a feeling, "What's your favorite color?" might not evoke the same level of response this question did.

By the way, I'm not trying to score any points with the wife with this. I did that earlier when she came home and dinner was ready and the kiddies were in line to see her.

It's late and I'm tired.

Peace out.

To mix things up a little, I've decided to start posting a Question of the Week on Wednesdays (I like how the Ws run together) to get a chance to hear your perspective on things. Also if you'd like to suggest some Questions of the Week going forward, I'm open to (most) suggestions.

Today's Question of the Week is:

We live in an age where a lot of music, movies and literature celebrate lifestyles that involve intimacy with strippers and casually refer to women outside of their names (such as b's and hos) --- good only for what they have to "offer."

• Do you believe porn (internet, magazine, whatever) has affected your love (or lack thereof) life, love in general or your outlook on things, directly or indirectly, for better or worse?
  
• Does porn play any role at all?
• Should it?

Don't look at this like it's an obvious question with obvious answers, because it isn't once you think about it for a minute. On mainstream fatherhood and parenting websites, this subject came up a lot (not the strippers part - the porn part) last year and great discussions followed.

So, please, don't be shy. Be honest (as possible).

I must expose myself as the nerd that I truly am (despite my swagger) and address my inner fanboy.

I am a movie buff. Growing up as an only child and an outcast, it was easy for me to escape into worlds greater than my own. Following in that same vein, this is probably why I enjoy writing so much. As far as movies go I love thrillers, biopics, a good foreign flick (and there are several), anime (in the style of American Graffiti), comedies, Spike Lee Joints, Woody Allen flicks and your occasional chick flick and even less occasionally, the black ensemble film. Just on this alone I could write a novel-length blog post, but I won't. Because despite my love for these genres of movies, I LIVE for blockbusters. Classics of this genre include Star Wars, Raiders of the Lost Ark, and Blade Runner

What do I mean by live? I mean driving my wife crazy because I scour the internet for upcoming movies and yell at my computer screen in awe over movie trailers for movies that won't release for at least 8 months. I then download them onto my trusty iPod and watch them, almost on a countdown, until they come out in the theaters. Now I do have some discernment over this. I don't do alien movies unless Steven Spielberg is somehow involved. And sadly, I've given up on George Lucas and his never ending business venture love affair with Star Wars.

During last year's Super Bowl my mouth fell open when they showed the Iron Man teaser. All it was was 30 seconds of quick dialogue, a couple of metal suits with rocket boots, and an exploding tank --- and I was HOOKED! And even before Heath Ledger died, I knew Dark Knight was going to be a serious movie because they used the title Dark Knight and only Batman folks will be able to feel me on that one. Daniel Craig's take on James Bond? It's the best for this particular era in time.

During this past Sunday's Super Bowl they showed more movie teasers than I've seen in previous years --- primarily because the Iron Man one worked so well last year, and maybe that $3 mil price tag had something to do with it. I don't know. Out of the trailers below only Terminator Salvation wasn't shown but I included it because it's on my list (validated merely by Christian Bale's casting in the lead role). Below is my collection of clips with the most (and least) promise for the year.


Opening August 7, 2009 is G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. I'm not too sure about this one. Marlon Wayans is in it. And Sienna Miller as the Baroness?




Making use of a not-so-creative play on words, Fast & Furious opens April 3, 2009.




On May 8, 2009 we will be treated to a complete Star Trek reboot. I'm a little scared about this even with my man Zachary Quinto (Sylar - the only Hero on Heroes who acts like a person with superpowers) as Spock.




Now for the hotness. Terminator Salvation, opening May 22, 2009. Move over Arnold. It's time for Christian.




And then my favorite of this group is Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, opening June 26, 2009. Love Michael Bay or hate him, he did a great job with the first movie (he even got the awful 80's dialogue right) and I expect the same of this one.



A few movies didn't make it to this list because they don't have trailers less than 60 seconds:

• Watchmen, opening March 6, 2009. Based off of one of the best, most depressing graphic novels I've ever read.
• X-Men Origins: Wolverine, opening May 1, 2009. This movie looks bad-ass. Hopefully they'll get it right.
• Harry Potter - I don't consider this a blockbuster because of my own biases, but it definitely sells tickets.

Blockbusters are for boys, but girls can watch too. Ladies if you have a man or male friends who start talking crazy about movies like these and you don't like them yourselves. Just humor them. They'll remember you when it's time to see something like, He's Just Not That Into You.

To the fellas who are into this stuff: I think Watchmen will be the movie to see this year, followed by Transformers and Terminator Salvation. I'm not yet sold on the Wolverine flick but I'll take a chance and round out my list with it.

What do you think?

After a recent visit to BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com I commented on the blog post, Does Parenthood Make You Lame? The following was my answer:

I believe this is something my wife suffers from more than I, although you’d never be able to tell it by looking at her. And maybe because of archetypal, outmoded roles, women feel this more or internalize it more than men. I’m not exactly sure.

But being at the club has nothing to do with swagger or cool. In fact although going out to dance is cool every once in a while, but the regulars at the club (specifically one club they always go to) looking for the same old same week after week is beyond lame. But chillin’ at a lounge or a swank restaurant is something I truly enjoy.

I believe swagger begins internally - it is a state of mind - it has to be otherwise it is nothing but an act that fades over time and real swagger is not an act. A few years ago when I knew I was going to be a dad (my biological first, I have a teenage stepson) I was quite panicked about the whole thing. I happened to read an article in GQ magazine that put fathers into about 6 categories. The one that resonated with me the most was Prada Dad, the father everyone wants to know and be. In fact the Prada Dad is so cool, he makes childless men want to be fathers, and women — well I don’t need to go into that here.

President Obama (currently the king of swagger) has swagger for days and talks about his kids. Brad Pitt can’t seem to have kids fast enough and he’s got swagger, shouting them out every chance he gets. Will Smith has swagger and he’s an outspoken family man. And the modern day father of swagger, Denzel - well do I need to say more? I don’t even have to say his last name and you know who I’m talking about. Now all of these men are celebrities and they have plenty of money and help, but unlike plenty of other men who are celebrities and acting a fool and keeping their kids secret, you know these men are parents and they are proud about it. It actually adds to their cool.

But to answer the question do I feel I’m as cool as I was before I had kids? No. Because it’s a different cool. I’m not stupid cool anymore. I’m really cool — that grown man cool that will last over the years, like a classic muscle car. And why do I maintain my cool? For my kids. I want my kids to know I’m cool so that they know they can always come to me for anything. I want to be their superhero, their supercool dad that they’re not horrified to see when I pick them up from school. And I don’t want that to change as they grow older and wiser.

In my travels and at work when it come out that I’m a father and even I’m the age that I am, people look at me almost bewildered. “But how?” “What are you doing…?” “You don’t look like a…?” And because I am a parent of a baby I barely get any sleep and I feel like I’m being run ragged on many days. But that doesn’t mean I have to wear that for the world to see. This is my badge of courage and I wear it proudly (well). The problem is that being a parent or married person over time has come to be associated with looking like behind on a stick. And that’s the real problem.

Swagger is a state of mind. It begins with you and it is determined by you. Parenthood can’t mess with that. It should in fact enhance it.

Does being a father/parent mean you're not supposed to have swagger?

Does being a father/parent prevent you from having swagger?

And if you've got it (swagger) how do you maintain it?

Happy Monday!