I rarely talk about my wants or needs to anyone. I got in the habit of maintaining this secrecy while in college. "Better to not talk about what you want and if it doesn't happen no one is the wiser, versus telling everybody your business and being judged if you don't make the mark," one of my fraternity brothers used to tell me constantly until it was permanently hammered into my psyche. So strong has this mantra become that I don't even share my wants with my wife (a no-no). In foresight and hindsight it is a mistake for the simple reason that no one around me is a mind reader. No one can know without me telling them what I want and need. As a result I don't have the right to be mad or sullen when I believe someone is getting in the way of what I want (something I'm good for) when that person doesn't even know what's going on in my head. I do believe this is a me thing. But I'm also inclined to believe it is a Man thing and I definitely believe it is a Dad thing. It's my job to take care of everyone else, or at least seeing to it that everyone else's needs are being met. Although I'm a priority (in my own mind) I don't make myself a priority in the lives of those around me. That's not my job. I'm not their problem. And they in turn have come to believe the same. I have fallen into the ranks of countless men who through lack of communication have become needlessly secretive and a mystery for no reason.

Well thank God for church and people who are smarter and better than me. This past Thursday I watched the Eastern Conference Finals with good friend, Ross Oscar Knight, who in my humble opinion is a master when it comes to self-management, and this past Sunday I went to church where I walked into a sermon called "Eric I'm About To Tell You About Yourself!" ---well not really but it might as well have been called this. I left both experiences thinking differently about myself and what I do to cause the problems that exist in my life.

I have wants and goals but I never make them plain so without further introduction and in no particular order:

As far as what is reasonable this is what swirls around in my head most days but never crosses my lips. Stay tuned, pray for me as I pursue these wants and goals. I'm counting on God for these things but I know He is counting on me to act to make them happen.

If you're a man, dad and husband or just a man and a dad or just a man, and you happen to find yourself in the same predicament, I suggest you find a place to write down your goals also. To get the ball rolling, to get the wheels of change moving, to have something to shoot for.

E.Payne is the author of the soon to be released DAD: As Easy As A, B, C! and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

My take on the old adage, "There's no time like the present..."

There's no time like the present because there is no time but the present. The past is gone and nothing can be done about it, tomorrow isn't promised so until then it doesn't belong to you either. Take full advantage of what you have right in front of you...That is RIGHT NOW!



E.Payne is the author of the soon to be released DAD: As Easy As A, B, C! and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

Have you ever wondered if it was just you that wanted to ask the very obvious (if not dangerous) questions?

Have you ever wondered if you're the only one who thinks the things you witness around the house or in your world are just bonkers (or at least a little cooky)?

Have you ever yearned for a bit of tried and true advice that you might not be able to get from friends or even your spouse?

Then please join the the Makes Me Wanna Holler.com Discussion page where you have the opportunity to dialog in a closed forum with your fellow readers on meaningful topics related to marriage, parenthood and the kiddies.

These are the current hot topics up on the page that are awaiting your opinions:

1. To Shop Or Not To Shop With The Wife?


2. How To Balance Family, Work & Life and Remain Happily Married?


3. What Is Your Most Rewarding Experience With Your Child?


4. Romance, Romance & More Romance


5. Love, Sex & When To Do "It"?


6. Getting Therapy With The One You Love


7. The Stuff That Makes You You!


8. Functional Homes vs. Dysfunctional Homes


9. Unconditional Love (Is There Such a Thing?)


10. That Touchy Subject of Weight & The One You Love

We're (everyone who has already added their two cents) waiting for you to join in. There's only one condition: You have to be a member of the Makes Me Wanna Holler.com Facebook Experience in order to access the discussion threads, as this is where it is located. Please sign up if you haven't already. I want to hear what you have to say.

As always, thanks for reading.


E.Payne is the author of DAD: As Easy As A, B, C! and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

The elation has finally settled from my discovery last night that I have been listed on Cision Blog's Top 50 Daddy Bloggers. I was so excited at the time that I didn't even cringe at the word "Daddy" similar to "Mommy." Hearing "Daddy" from anyone other than my daughter disturbs me for some reason. Maybe I feel it makes the job sound infantile considering I have a teenage son, have epic Lord of the Ring type battles with my wife and spend a lot of my time doing my best to inspire the socks off my readers.

Maybe it's just me.

Cision makes their determination based on some currently being politely contestedTwitter metrics that I won't bother explaining here. I'm just happy I got listed to something. Out of the 50 listed I fall in as Number 31. Not too too shabby. I am happy to be included amongst friends, such as PJ Mullen of Real Men Drive Minivans, Jason Mayo of Jason Mayo is Outnumbered and Fred Goodall of Mocha Dad who viciously snatched the Number 9 spot from me. Remember I said I'm ranked number 31... And because each of them are ahead of me in the rankings I will not be linking to them today.

That's right. I'm hating.

So how did we celebrate last night here at the House of Payne? My wife gave me a hug as she read over my shoulder reading the results with me. My daughter did cartwheels in the living room (okay, she was already doing cartwheels before I found out). And my son provided the most valuable comment. When my wife told him (using the word "Daddy" a word he does not use) he shrugged his shoulders, unimpressed and said, "I don't really care, that's not my per se."

[Insert sound of vinyl record skipping then scratching then a very long awkward pause]

I think for a moment my feelings were legitimately hurt. My wife scolded him for being so insensitive. My mind, always working, fed these words to my mouth:

"Well driving you all across the state to play basketball may not be my cup of tea, per se, but I do it anyway because you are my son and I support you...you...(I opted not to finish my thought).

He spent the rest of the evening insisting that he supported me and slipping in requests for money here and there. And now here we are in the middle of Thursday afternoon celebrating my being a Top 50 "Daddy" Blogger, although I am a Dad & Lifestyle Blogger, per se.

Thanks to all of you who keep coming back here to read this stuff. I wouldn't have any Klout at all were it not for your support!

E.Payne is the author of the soon to be released DAD: As Easy As A, B, C! and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

I saw this quote this morning over at the Real Dads Network Facebook Page and said to myself, "That's my, Dad!" When I think back to my own childhood, I'm not sure that my father ever told me anything (other than what to do constantly). Other than helping me with homework he never lectured me on how to live. He didn't have to. I saw how he lived and was the recipient of the fruits of his labors and very isolated stumbles. And if I stepped out of line I knew what was coming next. And no matter how long I put off the inevitable, it inevitably came. Always.

I think in today's day and age the conversations need to be had because the very media that I'm using to communicate with you is having the ultimate impact of making our kids unimaginably tech savvy but becoming less and less intuitive when it comes to real world communication and sensory perception. (Especially when a kid is crossing the street against the light about to get run over by a semi-truck because his/her face is buried in a phone and they actually believe the truck needs to watch out for them). But c'est la vie. I can't and won't live in what once was. That's why I'm here now, and so are you. If you're DAD or MOM keep your game face on and keep those kids of yours from getting it twisted. As exhausting as it may be you gotta do it.

When you're done here pay a visit to the Real Dads Network's Facebook Page. This NYC based non-profit has as it's mission the positive promotion and support of fathers, married, unmarried and divorced. These guys have the premier Daddy-Daughter Dance popping off every Valentine's Day and they have a very impressive line-up of events the first week of June 2011 celebrating all things DAD. If you're looking for a great cause to support. This is it!


E.Payne is the author of the soon to be released DAD: As Easy As A, B, C! and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

Literally. Seriously. I'm not joking. Go fly a kite or do whatever it is that you and your kid(s) can enjoy together. It doesn't have to be expensive. It doesn't have to take long. But the payoff will be a first-time or extremely valued experience that will be remembered forever.

This, my friends, is priceless!

E.Payne is the author of the soon to be released DAD: As Easy As A, B, C! and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

Last week's insanity and one of the many reasons why I was absent on the blog...

For reasons that don't need to be discussed here I locked myself out of my home for the first time ever! Did I call the locksmith? No. Did I have the good sense to have a spare hidden somewhere? No. Did I make sure a neighbor had a key? No. But I did manage to enlist the help of neighbor, Olympic hurdler, Kim Batten, who suggests I borrow a ladder from someone.

I go from house to house until another neighbor answers and lends me his 12-foot ladder. I go to the back of my 3 story townhome hoping the windows on the back deck are unlocked - they aren't (good job family, seriously). My helper and 911-dialer Kim Batten holds the ladder steady a good five feet beneath the 1st floor deck. I look for a place to grab without getting a fistful of splinters and pull myself up onto the deck using only the deck slats. Then I'm trapped on the deck as everything is locked. But I see that my son's window is open. In a moment of crazed inspiration I instruct my assistant to hoist the ladder up to me. I decide to climb through the 3rd floor window. The only problem: the ladder doesn't reach but I am able to stretch from the top of the ladder (the part where you aren't supposed to stand) to pop the screen out. I drop the screen to the deck beneath me, say a quick prayer and jump to grab hold of the window ledge. Now hanging out of my sons window, legs dangling, more growling than breathing, I center myself, calm down and tell the gods I'm not dying today...

With nothing but my hands and arms I pull myself through my son's open window and pour myself into his room. I stand completely covered with dirt and dust, legs scratched to hell (I was wearing shorts) from dragging myself against the house and swollen as I don't know what from may have been the toughest real-world workout I've ever had in my life. Yeah, I'm one of those dudes who doesn't ask for directions when I'm lost either. Moral of the story: Have a set a spare keys at a neighbor's house (get to know your neighbors) and thank God I've been doing pull-ups for the past month at the gym.

Now everyone has keys to my home and as far as I'm concerned the pull-up is the exercise of the gods.

Bye Bye Backfat!

Photo Credit: United States Marine Corps Official Page

E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and DAD: As Easy As A, B, C! (coming soon). For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

I have been completely out to lunch. This Monday, May 9, my wife received her Masters in Business Administration. The day before was Mothers Day as well as my father's birthday and my daughter's godmother's birthday. Beginning last Friday 20+ family and friends converged on my home from differing parts of the country to celebrate all these happenings. The day before I locked myself out of my house and with the help of a neighbor and a ladder, scaled nearly 3 stories to get into my son's bedroom window. I didn't manage to post anything about Mothers Day because I was too busy making sure Mothers Day at Casa del Payne went off without too many glitches (and there were a few). After the wife's graduation on Monday I spent the rest of the afternoon into the evening grilling on the Weber. Yesterday, my week began business as usual: bills still need to be paid, the kids still need to be taken care of - school, doctor's visits, blah blah, blah, jobs still need to be applied for, articles still need to be written, my manuscript for DAD: As Easy As A, B, C still needs it's preliminary finishing touches and as of yesterday evening two family members: my folks, still remain in town. I am horrendously behind schedule on EVERYTHING.

So for now I am officially Out To Lunch and Out of Pocket here at MakesMeWannaHoller.com. I hope to have something new up by this Friday. But I figured I owed you, my readers, an explanation for the silence.

Happy Belated Mothers Day to all the moms who read this blog! Thank you for checking in on me and supporting me via word of mouth, email and social media. I hope your Day was all that it could and should have been.


E.Payne is the author of DAD: As Easy As A, B, C! and Investing In An Emotional Letdown. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

It's time once again to celebrate MOM. As we all know none of us would be here and those of us who are DAD would not be without MOM. This year give the gift of photography! I'm offering two(2) complimentary photo sessions with yours truly (valued at $200 each) to two(2) lucky winners. All you have to do is LIKE my new Facebook page for my forthcoming DAD: As Easy As A, B, C! to be entered. The first winner will be selected at random via Random.org; the second winner will be the 100th person to "Like" this page. Contest ends 11:59pm (EST) 5/7/2011.


CONTEST RULES
Open to residents of Atlanta, GA & the NYC Tri-State area ONLY (within 30 mile radius of city center); Current Fan Page subscribers are automatically entered; 1-Hour photo session includes one(1) 8x10 print; Photo session to be scheduled at a mutually agreeable time and date for both photographer and winner not to surpass 12/31/2011.

About DAD: As Easy A, B, C!
It's a neat & tidy guide & workbook of 26 Do's & Don'ts on Fatherhood written by a father. Coming Father's Day 2011 as a Kindle Digital Download. By Eric Payne.

I look forward to seeing you over at DAD: As Easy As A, B, C!


E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

On the news of the killing of Osama Bin Laden all I wanted to do was be in the place I consider my 2nd home after Chicago --- the city that made me a man --- my beloved NYC. Despite it's noise and it's grit and it's headaches there's no place like it anywhere. One thing is for sure, New Yorkers know how to come together when under duress. One thing most of us have in common is that we love, hate, are baffled by and then go right back to loving NYC some more. Below is one of my begrudging love stories for the city entitled, One Man's Grind, from my recently published Love Notes.

New York is a nightmare. Not because of the murder, crime or any other usual suspect, but because of its endless skyline, subway system, bridges, tunnels and millions of people. No one sane stands calmly pressed against strangers like chattel on overcrowded trains. No one with any sense jockeys mindlessly for space on sidewalks clogged with people. And only the silly would spend six dollars just to drive across a bridge that barely spans a mile. But everyday millions of people who believe they're normal entertain this madness and call it their commute to and from work. These are the gremlins, goblins and monsters that keep the nightmare alive— those who have everything, those who have nothing, and everyone in between.

My alarm clock goes off at 6:15am. I was awake long before it started screaming, hiding in vain beneath my comforter, dreading its obnoxious outburst.

I get out of bed and kneel at the side of it to pray.

"God forgive me for my sins…I am a sinner. Forgive me for not loving You as much as you love me. I try, but I fail constantly. I ask that you allow me to be a blessing in the life of at least one person today."

I stand, almost certain I won't.
My eyes are dry and full of sleep. In spite of this, I easily navigate the miniscule space of my home, even with the pre-dawn purple haze that remains settled on everything around me.

Soon the sun will be up and with it the day and the people.

The scalding hot water of my shower invigorates me. The air becomes warm and moist in my lungs. The water pricks my flesh then forms rivers and streams that run down the length of me to the drain. I stay here longer than usual before washing, trying to wake up. By the time I'm done I can't see for all the steam I've created. I shave at the sink, unable to see the mirror in front of me but not needing it. I'm used to the routine.

Dressed in clothes that cost too much, I ride the F Train to work. Most days feel like I'm on my way to the carnival with the carnival. I'm particularly skilled at picking the car with the singing panhandler who sounds like my drunk uncle at Christmas. Today this is especially true.

By the time I'm off the train and above ground, the scenery is no longer the residential green of my neighborhood in Queens. Skyscrapers form canyon walls around me, carving out concrete and metal chaos. People are swarming everywhere, walking with herd-like urgency without any prodding or shepherding. I find an opening and merge onto the sidewalk, moving on autopilot until I am safely inside the lobby of my building.

I say good morning to the security guard on duty. He tells me to have a good day.

By the time I reach my desk, I'm ready to go home. I sit down and sigh, not exactly sure what I do or why I do it. I began as a writer for a start-up Internet company. Now I manage a bunch of writers and read their writing all day long. I report what they do to my boss, a man obsessed with not realizing he made a mistake leaving an investment gig on Wall Street. His paranoia is contagious. I do my best to avoid it.

At the end of the day I go underground again to join the carnival headed to Queens. The sun has set when I emerge from city's bowels and I see green again. The roar of the cars and trucks along the Van Wyck Expressway soothes me as I walk to my building, anxious for the excessive heat that sizzles off the old radiators in my apartment.

I pass the mirrored walls of my building's lobby, ignoring my reflection and check my mailbox. It's a clutter of junk mail and bills except for one pink envelope. I look at the return address and my heartbeat accelerates. Not that I want it to.

I take the stairs two-at-a-time to the fifth floor, skipping the elevator. I burst into my home and only turn on one light. [To Be Continued]

Just so I don't bore you here on the blog you can read the rest by downloading your copy of Love Notes today. No Kindle? No problem. You can download one of the many free Kindle Apps to your mobile device and computer so you can finish this story and the rest told from the point of view of a man trying to make sense of it all.

Peace.

E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.