Web Toolbar by Wibiya


What A Man Needs


I know this is what you thought as soon as you saw the title. But this isn't what this is about. Nor is belaboring the obvious. Men need sex just as women do. It's truly sad when it's missing, especially between married couples. Arguably, they are the ones who need it the most. But that's not the point today.

But before sex there is affection, consideration, intimacy, sincerity, hand-holding, saying, "I love you," from time to time and meaning it rather than choking on the words as if you were gargling sand. And that goes for both men and women. Especially men, who do a much better job of bottling up their emotions and needs and suffer terribly and often needlessly internally.

The key to understanding all of the above is spelled out almost word for word in the bible and honestly most other ancient texts that seek to achieve balance and harmony with man, his (or her) peers and the surrounding society. But nowadays everyone is too tech savvy for this, too on point, too keeping it real, too chasing after the golden egg, too rough too tough, two tight Afro puffs and too miserable. So their fellow human who might appreciate a kind word or gesture gets bulldozed and bludgeoned by the verbal stones that most of us happily hurl on a daily basis. 'Cause we "keep it real."

The needs I am referencing are much simpler than anything I am referencing above. I'm talking about the basics that every man should have once he becomes a man, unless he opts not to.

  • Cologne that enhances his natural scent.
  • A fancy razor.
  • A tailored or well-fitting button down white and blue shirt. 
  • A pair of wingtips, preferably of the cognac variety.
  • A blue suit.
  • 3 ties --- of which, at least one of them should be striped. None of them should glow in the dark or have animals on them (unless you are eleven years old).
  • An exercise routine or an active hobby.
  • Me time - a few minutes out of the day to unwind and rewind, to reflect and dream.
  • A backrub - sometimes - without having to ask or beg or be called a baby because you are asking and begging.
  • A "good morning" and a "good night" before all the day's (or next day's) chores are laid out before him.
  • Affirmation - not "you're the best thing I've ever known. I don't know how I'd live without you," nonsense. But a simple, "You're doing a good job," or "I like/love having you around," or "How are you doing?" and then actually staying engaged and invested in hearing an answer.
  • Not going head to head, all the time - Yes, there is a real battle of the sexes and yes under the same roof worlds collide (as George Castanza used to scream on Seinfeld) but is everything up for debate, is a man wrong all the time? Can there be a difference of opinion without differences arising? Seriously, it's just not that serious.

If we could all really be this strong...
Now don't get me wrong I know this doesn't apply to all men and I'm sure plenty of women will shout to the skies they wish that their men had these needs and then of course an equal amount of women, if not more, will shout, "Well what about my needs?" which completely negates everything mentioned here. And of course there is the super-true assumption that all men are dogs and up to no good (this one has been proven again and again by scientists). But so many men I know are all talking to me about the same thing, not ties or shoes or even sex (well, it occupies a very small portion of the convo). But rather being appreciated and understood. And not even all the time, just once in a while. Children get better with positive reinforcement. Teens get better with positive reinforcement. Where is the disconnect among us adults? Why can't we see that what applies to our kids applies to us as well?

Is it really that hard?

Image Credit given on image.

Thanks for reading! Follow me on Twitter at @EPayneTheDad.

blog comments powered by Disqus