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Showing posts with label 2012. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2012. Show all posts

Tuesday

Ways To Enjoy 2012...and Your Marriage

This article first appeared at BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com

There’s no denying that 2011 was tough. But now it’s a New Year. Let's work on charting a new path for a "new you."


Although January is just another month, using the beginning of the year as a starting point can be healthy. The following are some strategies, NOT resolutions (declarations with no plans attached to them), to help you get your 2012 and your marriage off to a healthy and productive start. Hopefully, once in place, they will carry you through the months all the way to December.

Love More
I know many might be thinking, I’ve loved enough! especially if you don’t feel you’re receiving your fair share in return. But but love goes beyond the daily ebb and flow of emotions that make your heart flutter or sick. Make 2012 the year you search out and discover the full meaning and use of love.

Listen More and Talk Less
Social Media, cell phones, iPhones and iPads, and Android tablets…Nowadays there are limitless ways to communicate and share our thoughts and opinions with anyone and everyone who will listen. But when is enough enough? Maybe everyone isn’t so keen on what you have to say. Your opinion just might not matter to everyone. In fact, your spouse might be trying to tell you something important but you are too busy not listening because you’ve become accustomed to talking/sharing your opinion more than listening or hearing the opinion of others. Take a pause from time to time to listen, to hear, digest and ultimately understand what is being said to you. Then once all this is processed, choose your words wisely—at work, with friends and especially with your spouse.

Forgive and Forget
It’s 2012, but your pain doesn’t know that. It might be as fresh as it was the day it was inflicted upon you. You may be reminded of it every single time you look at his or her face, no matter how long ago it was, no matter how much he or she has changed, no matter how many times and ways he or she has done their best to make it up to you. Your pain doesn’t know it’s 2012, but you do. Make today the day that you no longer allow yourself to be held back or held up by the offenses of others. You don’t have to carry that burden anymore and chances are the person who hurt you has long since moved on.

Spend Time IRL
It’s great to be able to chat with friends all over the world via text, Facebook Messenger, and Twitter, just to name a few. But while you’re at dinner with your spouse? As soon as the movie ends? While the movie is playing? Keep in mind that while you and your friends might be having a ball online exchanging statuses (stati?) you are being unbelievably rude to whomever you’re spending time with in the real word, in real life (IRL). And if both of you are doing it both of you need to stop. Why go out together only to spend time with other people on your phones? In 2012 make the effort and take the time to unplug. Put down the phone and shut down the computer. Begin talking to your spouse at dinner. Do your 500+ friends really need to see a photograph of your plate of food while you’re eating with someone right in front of you? Don’t come home after a long day’s work and remain just as disconnected with the ones who love you. Watch the news together, read a book and talk about it. Talk about things right in front of you rather than saying, “Did you see my post?” Make a plan to go for a daily morning walk, or jog phone-free. Start talking again!

Work It Out
One of the number one taboo subjects revolving around marriage are the physical changes that occur. Although marriage isn’t the sole cause for someone getting out of shape, it can cause you to become comfortable. Don’t forget to factor in pregnancies and aging together. Because calling out a spouse on his or her physical appearance is so taboo, it is quite common for spouses to complain to others, fall into a place of contempt, disgust and resentment, lose their sex drive toward that person and then begin looking at all that “green grass” on the other side of the fence. Engaging in some level of daily physical activity is as good for your heart as it is for your appearance. In the African American community where heart disease among young adult African Americans is 20 times that of similarly aged white Americans no harm can come from working out. Maybe what your spouse needs is some encouragement. But don’t go all drill instructor on them. Just be the friend that you were when you were dating. With today’s hectic schedules a workout might be the only time to spend adult time together and there is no better way to work it out than by watching the one you love work it out. In no time your workouts will be making their way to the bedroom.

These are just few suggestions and strategies for living an emotionally, physically and spiritually healthier 2012. Whatever you can think of to make it happen in your own life...make it happen!

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Monday

Mondays With Michelle: New Year's Resolutions

Happy New Year!! Welcome back to Monday's with Michelle! Another holiday season has come and gone and a new set of New Years resolutions have been pledged. As always, some of the most popular new year's resolutions are to loose a few pounds and to eat healthier. 

What were your new year's resolutions? 

Even if eating healthier wasn't apart of your 2012 plan, I think we can all use a few tips to make better choices with our food. Here are few things that I have come up with to keep 2012 healthy:

  1. Shop only the perimeter of the grocery store: You will notice that produce, meat, seafood, dairy products and other "clean" foods are found around the perimeter of the grocery store. (With the exception of  a few items such as, nut butters, grains and healthy oils.) These are the food you want to stick to. Stay away from the processed, prepackaged, microwaveable crap in the center aisles. 
  2. Eat colorful: Try to have more that 2 colors on your plate for dinner. The more colors, the more nutrients you are getting from your meal. For example, grilled chicken with salsa (red) and grilled zucchini(green) and squash (yellow).
  3. Drink water: This is a oldie but goodie, try to get your recommended 8 glasses (64 oz) of water a day. It keeps you full and regular... nuff said. 
  4. Replace white with something healthier: Most health gurus will say to choose whole grain, and of course that is the best and healthiest option, but the reality is, a lot of people don't care for the taste. So, for rice, try brown rice instead of white, but cook it in an unsalted chicken stock for yummy flavor and try cooking it in a rice cooker for a better consistency. For pasta try spinach spaghetti from whole foods. For bread go to the bakery at your local grocery store and look for fresh baked whole wheat bread, it may cost a dollar or two more, but it always tastes better than the stuff in the bread isle. For your baking needs try King Arthurs Unbleached White Whole Wheat Flour, it is made from a different wheat, hence the "white", but believe it or not it is natural and it can be used interchangeably with regular all purpose flour.
  5. Eat Clean, Real food: Clean, Real food is anything that was grown in the earth (trees, plants, roots, etc.) or had a Mom at some point (according to Jillian Micheal's). Just to clarify, Cheetos were not grown in the earth, nor do they have a Mom.... the factory that they were processed in does not count as it's mother by the way. I get that it may not be realistic to give up your favorite bad processed snack, but the point of this is to try to limit it and make up for it by eating as clean as possible the rest of the time. 
  6. Use healthy cooking techniques: Baking, poaching, blanching, steaming, broiling, grilling... there are tons of options, stay away from frying and using tons of fat. 
  7. Don't deprive yourself: Deprivation leads to binging and binging leads to a downward spiral. Here is something great I read from Bethany Frankel of "Skinnygirl",  "No one ever got fat because of a cookie or a slice of pizza. Don’t beat yourself up if you have something you like that’s not on your diet. Don’t let a splurge derail your commitment to staying healthy. Don’t deprive yourself of a treat every once in a while." 
  8. Try new foods: I can't tell you how many times I have heard people say, "I'm so sick of eating boneless skinless chicken breast and broccoli everyday." First thing, eating healthier does not mean you have to eat bland, boring, "diet-food".  It just means you have to be more creative in what you chose to eat. Tired of chicken? Try some lean pork.  Or just try making your chicken a different way.  Walk through the produce section and pick up a vegetable you have never even seen before, or maybe something that you hated as kid, then take 5 minutes to research ways to cook it. You'd be surprised. 
Don't fall into the new year's resolution trap this year.  You know, the one where you have forgotten all about your resolution before February hits? These are simple tips that you can use all year round for your whole family to make better decisions about the things we put in our bodies.  Start your kids off young, let them help "pick colors for dinner" (see tip number 2). Stay tuned over the next few weeks, I will be sharing some yummy recipes, cooking techniques and ideas to help you along the way.  Don't forget to visit my foodie blog for more food tips, recipes and foodie fun. 

Thanks for reading!

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To Do Lists For Dads...And Everyone Else


Now that we're in the new year I've got a bunch of stuff to do. Just like I did last week. These aren't resolutions, which are declarative statements with no determined strategy toward achieving them, such as "I want to lose fifteen pounds." But rather something along the lines of, "I want to start saving for a bike and start mapping out routes so when I buy one I'll actually have somewhere to go." From there the assertion can be made: "I'd like to lose 20 pounds." Because by then if you don't have a set strategy you'll definitely have a framework for one.

Saying, "In 2012 I plan to travel more with the family," when you might not travel at all is a promise you shouldn't make out loud because Lord forbid the wife or any of your kids hear it, they'll be standing there with their arms folded in December looking at you because you took them no where. Instead consider, "I need to set up a separate/savings account for travel and in order to travel by (date of your choosing) I need to put $x in it per week or month."

Thus you will quickly move from the fantasy of the New Year's resolution and into the reality of laid out plans to achieve goals. Mind you they don't have to be perfect and in the end they might look different than you envisioned but at least you're moving...forward.

I intend to do more and be more in 2012. 2011 was a runaway train wreck for most, including my own family. But while most were lamenting I was bucking the system, quietly looking for holes of opportunity in the midst of all the impossibility. Smiling when most days I wanted to scream and working each day seeking out opportunity in a wasteland just as Wall-E worked each day turning trash into treasure (yeah, I referenced a Disney movie. This is a dad blog, right?) I even poked holes of opportunity when and if necessary. As a result I'm now ready to put rubber to the road and put everyone in my rear view mirror who isn't moving forward with me.

But I am only human and I am a father of two kids. I'm juggling new career opportunities, a need to upgrade nearly every piece of technology I own and maintaining a marriage and trying to have a lifestyle all at the same time. In years past I was getting a whole lot of a little done. Now thanks to smartphone technology, great productivity apps such as Evernote (they are not paying me, but I just really like them a whole lot), file sharing and reminders I might be able to get things done and still enjoy life.

Here is what I'd like to do in 2012:

  • Relearn Spanish
  • Relearn Piano or learn a new instrument
  • Gain a solid understanding of the teachings of the Bible
  • Take my wife on a few weekend trips
  • Take my daughter to Disney World
  • Take my son on a college tour
  • Become a paid speaker
  • Lose close to 20 pounds (again) mostly through bike riding because my knees hurt when I run (an always have)
  • Go to the doctor and the dentist (a freelancer's longtime dream)
  • Host a few showings of my photography where I hope to sell some if not all the pieces
  • Begin the novel that's been on my heart all my life
  • Write a children's book
...to name a few.

But my new growing To Do List doesn't look anything close to the above list. Instead is a list of plays and strategies which will hopefully result or provide the means for me to accomplish the above.

What will your To Do List look like in 2012?


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