The roads were clear this morning. There's barely anyone in my office. There's talk of Easter in the air. And it took me half of the ride to my daughter's school for me to realize today is Good Friday.

When I mentioned this aloud to myself in the car my daughter asked, "What is Good Friday?"

I felt terrible as I answered, "The day Jesus died."

Last week we were away at Disney and the weekend before that I attended church alone. This evening my son will be working until closing time at his new job and I expect the highlight of my evening to be my picking him up. I'm not suggesting that my family and I should be piously perched somewhere, mournful. But at least as a child, I knew the significance of the day. My mother wouldn't stand for anything less and we colored eggs and did Easter egg hunts back then too (it wasn't only about church). Fast forward twenty some odd years later and my kids are both in school and oblivious other than pre-Easter sales and Cadbury Bunny commercials.

Then later this morning as I settled into work I read an article about Dr. Ben Carson standing his ground and speaking on his faith. Whether he is right or wrong, he spoke on and will not back down from what he believes. Nowadays when people do this, especially when their sentiments go against the status quo --- something that happened often in Biblical times --- they people are persecuted. Just as they were in Biblical times (albeit it mostly by social media).

Today is Good Friday and my family is barely aware. Based on my beliefs the onus for this error lays squarely at my feet. The trick of guilt or regret is to keep you locked on your mistakes, paralyzing you, so you'll never be correct, mostly because you'll never try again.

I don't intend to be that dude. In your homes I hope you don't either.

If you are able, have a blessed Good Friday.

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Yesterday I stumbled across an open letter from a father of a 3-year old girl to Victoria's Secret addressing their launch of a line of underwear for young teen girls. Technology is one thing. Soda, cigarettes and fast food is another. They all can and should be debated, but underwear (lingerie)? You can see the product line here. You decide if you want your daughter wearing these and/or you want some boy or your own boy knowing a girl is wearing these.

To be frank, can't our kids age and struggle and try to get into trouble on their own without the aid and augmentation of retail enterprise? Should a line be drawn? When is enough enough? When do we stop the enterprises that see our kids as nothing more than the next sales crop? Do we write letters, argue with each other on social media or do we simply stop endorsing what we don't support by sternly choosing not to purchase?

Having a plan is key to living the kind of life you'd like to live. Upon facing married, parental life, many men complain of not wanting to lose their lifestyle. And most do, not because they have to but because the expense explode, coming from every direction and rather than manage it, spouses like to point fingers at each other.

Having a budget isn't the same as getting on a diet even though dieting simply addresses what you are eating rather than a reduction of what you eat. The same goes for a budget. With a budget you can understand your expenses, understand your income and begin building a road map to financial health and maybe even freedom.

Don't think it's too late. You can always start versus not trying at all. Check out the Infographic below for some helpful tips.

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Even driving up to the "gates of the city" last night was magical. Although it was late, the wife and I woke up our daughter (her first time here) so she could know where she was.

It took her a long time to calm down.

Do you remember your first trip to Disney? How old were you, who were you with and what was it like?


photo credit: Express Monorail via photopin cc

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I state the following only because at times I have been guilty of it myself: There is a game of love, but love is not a game. Marriage is not for the faint of heart nor for children. You are in this together for the sake of each other to make two better together than apart. To enjoy life and make it rich in ways money can't provide. It isn't a competition. It isn't about being right and your significant other being wrong. It isn't about you speaking or thinking so highly of yourself that you come to believe you have arrived at your current destination and are doing everything you are doing, by yourself, purely out of your own miraculous, solitary strength and tenacity. When you know good and well on the days you don't even want to get out of bed, he or she is there making things work as best they can while you get it together.

So, if you are somewhere outside of your home constantly complaining about your spouse to people who play no role in your life other than to sit a few desks over from you. And if you are doing nothing to fix your "problems" other than complain to these same people who agree with you because they have no other choice but to since they are only hearing your side of the story --- understand that as a married person you sound and look stupid, you are an embarrassment to your spouse and to what marriage should and ought to be and you are a walking, talking advertisement for single people to remain single.

This has been a public service announcement: Marriage is not child's play. Stop playing games. 

Chime in on this article on Facebook if you prefer at: http://epayne.me/XNZBkv

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File this under: AHA MOMENT OF THE DECADE

A couple of days ago a woman was complaining to me about her husband when she suddenly interrupted herself and said, "You know I should probably be more intimate with him...We'd probably get along better and it probably would help me from being stressed out. But it's hard."

"There's a reason intimacy is supposed to exist between married folks," I said. "It ain't about some dude, your husband, getting his jollies. It's about solidifying your union and creating a bond (a soul-tie) that only the two of you share. There's a beautiful thing that two people have when they are intimate, especially if they are married."

"But you may want to consider trying and seeing what happens," I advised her. "Who knows, you may actually like it?"

To which she responded, "You're probably right."

More and more I'm hearing from married women who have sworn off sex as if it were something bad, like too much cake and ice cream. I hear them blaming everything plus their husbands as to why they are the way they are. On the other side I'm hearing from an equal number of bewildered and exasperated married men who are running around like desperate men inside their own marriages, desperate for love from their wives. I repeat, desperate for love from their wives --- having no desire to go anywhere but home to their marriage beds. Part of the vows (depending on the ceremony or depending on whether you were listening) is that you give yourselves to one another in marriage. There are things that make marriages work, over the years and through the rough patches. Often getting through the rough patches together create the environment for the good stretches. Sexual intimacy is one of the first things to go when things get tough, even though after communication and genuine TLC it is probably one of the most important tools required for marriage maintenance. Sitting up in a house as roommates sharing kids is no different than roommates or housemates or business partners sitting under the same roof with shared investments. Shared investments do not foster, nurture or nourish love. In fact, shared investments alone usually are the source of most conflicts between people, married or not.

This marriage stuff isn't hard. It just takes work. And it isn't child's play. So if you're playing games, male or female, please stop. What you invest into, grows (for better or worse). What you ignore and neglect, withers and dies.

Join the ongoing conversation on this very topic over on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/MakesMeWannaHoller/posts/10151554700775330

Over the weekend my oldest relative, my Great Aunt Ruth, passed away at the milestone age of 101. She outlived her husband, all of her siblings and a large number of those who came after her. She was my grandmother's sister, a proud, tall woman who wore her long silver hair in a thick braid down her back. In this instance, the adage, "Life is too short..." doesn't apply. So the question is, should you, or I or any of us be blessed to see 100+ years will it be a life well-lived, chock-full of contributions to this life that your family and maybe even the world can speak of, or will it be a drudgery that took too long to end?

The choice is yours...

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There is no box, just as there is no finish line. There are no limitations, short of those laid out by the laws of physics and even then there are workarounds.

My mantra since college has been "I cannot submit, I will not submit, I refuse!"

I have a little girl who enjoys being "girly", playing dress up and princess and plenty things having to do with the color pink. But she is also a dancer, a singer, an actress, an artist, a gardener, a budding scientist, a straight A student, a writer and a mathematician. She also wrestles and can land a pretty solid punch.

And this is the stuff she does for fun.

I don't play the man versus woman game though many around me feel compelled to do so with me. I liken it to being forced to play chess when you don't have any knowledge of where the pieces are supposed to go. My thinking hasn't even allowed me to create a hierarchy where I could consider debating women as being less than men. I look at both genders as people. My heart breaks when I see women disrespected just because, my ears burn when I hear songs that disrespect women just because. I send up prayers when I see women, thinking they are playing a "man's game" and only playing into a system of manipulation that has no business existing. I was born of a woman. I am married to a woman and I am raising someone who will one day be a woman.

As a father I am in the empowerment business. This means shutting down all thoughts that would trick someone into believing they are less than because of who they are. Arming my little one with the ability to speak boldly to anyone who tries to box her in and providing as much opportunity as humanly and financially possible to learn and grow and develop into a powerful Child of God so that should anyone should try to box her in she'll simply laugh and keep moving. I'm sure she will be hurt on her journey of life. It's a father's hope that the pain won't run too deep or too long to derail her in any way. For me International Women's Day isn't about feminism or the feminist movement, as I'm sure it is for many feminists and the finger-pointers who wish to debate everything just for the sake of being contrary. Rather, it's seeing everyone as I have been taught God does --- beautifully and divinely unique but ultimately equal. And treating them accordingly.

Learn more about International Women's Day.

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Playing the piano was a pastime and talent of mine growing up. When speaking about me to my parents, the teachers I had stopped just short of saying I was gifted. Well, at 17 and filled to the eyeballs with rebellion I showed my parents. I abandoned the piano --- one of my most favorite things and my life has been worse off for it.

Until now.

During a pivotal and particularly dismal time in my life when I was 19 years old I was talking to my father and I remarked flippantly, "I don't care..."

Instead of going off on me he paused, appearing almost bewildered and asked, "Son, if you don't care, then who will? Who will take care of the world if you won't?"

No words ever had a stronger impact on me than these and they have been my guide from that day forward.

I often hear, "I don't care." Mostly from adults. And the words make me cringe. Because with so many people choosing not to care about their communities, their front lawns, where they throw their trash, their fellow man and even their spouses...how can we accomplish anything good that will last? How do we raise our children with the expectation that they should take us seriously when they see us disrespecting everything including ourselves?

I am just one...but I do care.