Sex.

I know this is what you thought as soon as you saw the title. But this isn't what this is about. Nor is belaboring the obvious. Men need sex just as women do. It's truly sad when it's missing, especially between married couples. Arguably, they are the ones who need it the most. But that's not the point today.

But before sex there is affection, consideration, intimacy, sincerity, hand-holding, saying, "I love you," from time to time and meaning it rather than choking on the words as if you were gargling sand. And that goes for both men and women. Especially men, who do a much better job of bottling up their emotions and needs and suffer terribly and often needlessly internally.

The key to understanding all of the above is spelled out almost word for word in the bible and honestly most other ancient texts that seek to achieve balance and harmony with man, his (or her) peers and the surrounding society. But nowadays everyone is too tech savvy for this, too on point, too keeping it real, too chasing after the golden egg, too rough too tough, two tight Afro puffs and too miserable. So their fellow human who might appreciate a kind word or gesture gets bulldozed and bludgeoned by the verbal stones that most of us happily hurl on a daily basis. 'Cause we "keep it real."

The needs I am referencing are much simpler than anything I am referencing above. I'm talking about the basics that every man should have once he becomes a man, unless he opts not to.

This post is especially meaningful considering that the pastor of the church I attend spoke on this this past weekend.

Now that I am thoroughly settled into my home, thoroughly ingraining myself in my community and doing my best to do my best on my new social media gig at one of the largest companies in the world (no pressure), I have begun to sift and sort through my stuff...

Garbage out...

Once I hit adulthood I began to collect a record of my happenings --- ticket stubs from great concerts, pictures with the handful of famous people I'd bump into on the streets of New York, my documented experiences and paraphernalia from my fraternity, Alpha Phi Alpha, Playbills from famous Broadway plays. My thought behind doing this is that should I suddenly cease to exist on this planet, as is often the case with humans, particularly African American males, those I leave behind would be able to sort through my stuff and piece together the life I've lived --- who I was and where I've been. There are journals that spell out in great detail my goals, aspirations and dreams. In the midst of my stuff anyone looking will find my heart.

A little more than a week ago, a couple of days before Halloween, my family was given a legitimate scare. Not the kind when your wife sneaks up quietly behind you and screams or even the type that occurs when you come home and find some of your doors are unlocked (because you left them unlocked). This was nothing of the sort.

Me, Thinking

In 21 days I will be 40...

There's nothing grave in this statement for me. I don't plan on losing my mind. Although my wife has talked about trading me in on more than one occasion, I have no desire to swap her out for a newer model with more gizmos and options. You won't see a taxi cab yellow and chrome chopper sitting sparkling in my driveway. I won't be in a convertible at least until I'm able to put my current alternator-free SUV back on the streets. I don't plan on buying a four carat diamond to stick in the vacant piercing in my left ear. Nope - no mid life crisis for me.

This falls under both AP Manhood and Manhood 101. Any man who doesn't believe he needs to respect or honor women as he does himself is a fool. Whether this means giving your seat to a pregnant woman on the train or bus. Helping an elderly woman (if she wants it) across the street or down the hall, holding doors open for a woman walking in front of you or behind you as you enter a building, opening car doors, pulling out her seat at dinner, bending down to pick something up that a woman dropped or at the very least letting her know she dropped it, saying "Please" and "Thank you" when making a request and receiving it from a woman...the list is endless and should be adhered to in all but the most extreme cases. In in these situations all you can do is pray.

Believe what you want, but women are our mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, cousins, aunts, teachers, nurses, pastors, etc. For the man out there not giving a flying you know what about women I pose the question: how would you feel if someone was doing the same to any of the women in your life defined at the beginning of this paragraph?

As my little daughter says, "Girls rock!" Damn what a rapper says in front of a catchy beat or some high pitched young'n sings on today's top R&B singles. Chivalry ain't dead, just the thinking of those who believe otherwise.

This is AP Manhood.


E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

Photo Courtesy Eric Payne. All Rights Reserved.

None of us truly knows what lies ahead in the distance. For all that we are capable of we cannot predict or see the future. As a result, the unknown can be a place of great fear. This fear can be so great that it often paralyzes or gives rise to bad if not dumb decisions. But this doesn't have to be the case. The man who thrives despite the unknown is the one lives in the present confidently enjoying and positively exploiting as much as possible, fully aware that in his Present he is laying the foundation for his Future and the futures of those affected by him.

This is AP Manhood.

E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

Those of us who have reached a state of AP Manhood either by choice or circumstance know, understand and embrace the reality that in order to function and function effectively one must have his house in order. In other words, the man who thrives is the one who has his affairs in order. Affairs are inclusive of all of the required pieces of the puzzle --- from finances to having the necessary tools to succeed (whatever success is for you). In much simpler terms, a man shouldn't make the mistake of talking about that house on the hill that he wants if he's drowning in debt and doesn't have a plan in place that will help him to rise above his circumstances.

Anything that is out of order in your life will be a contributing factor for why you aren't the fully realized man that you envision yourself to be. Whether this is fast and loose spending with no accounting, not going to the doctor when you know something is wrong, bad habits such as too much time at the bar or strip club, or the company you keep --- homies who are helping you go nowhere or that woman who is killing you softly, loudly or slowly, or simply driving you insane.

Take time to assess Project You. Take out a pen and pad and write down what is working and what isn't. If you have a close friend, talk to them about it and get their two cents. Look at your notes and decide if what you've written down is going to get you where you want to be. If so, then stop reading right now. If not, then get your house in order, get rid of the B.S. and get right with yourself, your family, your God (if this is your belief system). And if you can't do it yourself, set aside some of that money you normally burn (no matter how little money you might be making we all burn a portion of our incomes) and pay someone who knows how to whip you into shape.

It ain't easy so don't take my tough talk as dismissive and detached. But it can and must be done if thriving vs. surviving is your objective.

This is AP Manhood.


E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

Happy Friday! Sorry I've been away for most of this week. I've been busy on the homestead. Today's lecture begins now!

In today’s times with the economic crunchcrush being what it is your average citizen at every turn, the logical thinking is to plunge 100% into the self. Meaning no one has the time or resources to be about anything but keeping their own heads above water. Or do they?

As many readers here know, I am a HUGE advocate of volunteerism. Volunteerism allows you to take the focus off of you by sharing a piece of yourself with someone else who could really use a hand. Volunteerism isn’t about writing a check once a month to a charity you get a end of the year tax break on, volunteerism is about seeking out a cause that means something to you, finding something or someone who could benefit from your time, talent, intellect and in some instances strength. And I would encourage you to do it more than once. If you’re schedule doesn’t allow for a weekly volunteer effort than at least do your best to commit to once a month.

Whether it’s being a Big Brother, a tutor, a mentor, a food distribution warehouse worker, an usher at your church, a volunteer gardener, a campaign manager for a political campaign or even seeing a need and taking the initiative to create something to address it yourself. You’ll be surprised at how many different ways your skills, talents and strengths are appreciated by others, and you may even discover you might not be as bad off as you originally thought, thus restructuring your world view of yourself and causing you to walk a little taller, with a little more confidence knowing you’ve done some good for someone other than yourself. Your life will be a little to a lot richer. Maybe not in dollars, but in value.

A man living an Advanced Placement existence knows that his life isn’t just about him.



E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

You might be scratching your heads on this one, but the non-italicized title above doesn't really do justice to the point I intend to make for today's lesson.

Borrowing from the Rich Dad Poor Dad psychology, the non-advanced man or the man who has simply gotten knocked off course a bit asks the question: "How can I...?" when faced with something he may wish to do, have or participate in. His stress is on the I. I meaning his present set of circumstances, skill set, or whatever it may be, that hold him captive in a prison of impossibility and lack.

The Advanced Placement Man when faced with something he may wish to do, have or participate in, asks: "How can I do this is?" In other words, what is it going to take/what do I need to do to accomplish this goal? He acknowledges his present set of circumstances and/or his lacking and is seeking to move beyond this place.

How he might go about doing this is detailed in AP Manhood: No Plan B.



E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

Any man worth his salt knows that he will never always be right. In fact a real man knows that in this great big world of ours, he knows very little. This in turn has the positive effect of making him a sponge for knowledge and wisdom at every turn.

Additionally, the man who realizes, recognizes or if necessary, is compellingly convinced that he is wrong should and must apologize quickly. Why not? Real men don't play games. They don't allow situations that are within their control to get worse. They don't allow emotional wounds to fester to the point of wreaking havoc on their lives or the lives of others. If they are focused on succeeding, then they won't have time to navigate self-made chaos. If, upon apologizing for an offense a person opts to not forgive you or seeks to punish you, that's on them. Your responsibility as a man is to acknowledge your wrong and be accountable for it. In between acknowledgment and accountability lies the apology.

Apologize...quickly.



E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

You're a man. You're passionate about your goals. Whether you dream big or small you have a dream. When you lay your head on your pillow at night that dream talks to you. When you wake you wish you were in that dream.

But you're not. Why? Because you have a Plan B.

That God-given itch inside of you is your calling, your destiny. That thing you were meant to be. But having an itch doesn't necessarily preclude knowing how to scratch it. Nothing worth having has ever been easily achieved and if you cheat to get it, you typically lose in the long run.

So if you don't know how to achieve your goals/dream, get close to someone who is doing what you want to do. Make them your friend. Get them to pour their knowledge into you. Have a pen and pad when you are around them or take clear mental notes. Invest in continuing education. Attend seminars or webinars. Immerse yourself in Google until you become an expert in what it is you'd like to do.

Right now you might be saying to yourself (or me), "Being an actor doesn't pay the bills." Well here is where you're "Plan B" kicks in. Figure out how to make your money work for you so you can survive. Set an investment or savings plan so that you can live off of savings for 6 months to a year and then go hard during those 6 to 12 months. Create a cushion of cash to keep you off welfare and to keep a roof over your head or find someone's roof to live under, but be good to them while they are being generous to you.

There is no Plan B. Plan To Be successful. By having a Plan B you simply rob yourself of your potential. If you've got kids, then you'll just have to plan to be even more successful. In the end, if it doesn't work out at least you know you tried. And another door will open for you that you will know to go through.

Plan To Be successful. And remember success is a term that only you can add value to as it is different for each and every one of us.



E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

A critical rite of passage for a man comes when he is broken. Broken from a belief system that had him full of himself and left with the only the ashes and shrapnel of his folly. This can happen by circumstance or at the hands of another man...or woman. It is that moment or series of moments when all of your self-aggrandizing, a.k.a delusions of grandeur get flushed down the toilet. Humiliated, shamed, lost, you are officially broken.

What happens next separates the real men from the other men. A man's true, defining character comes forth once all is lost. I'm no Army man, but I believe wholeheartedly in breaking a boy (a male pretending to be a man) purifying him of all his foolishness and then building him back up in the way he should go.

If you are going through a challenge right now that has you teetering; you might even already be broken. Regardless of where the blame lays, use this as opportunity for growth. Learn from your mistakes and rise above them into a new you.



E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

A real man doesn't come out of the gates swinging. He comes out prepared, trained and as filled with as much wisdom as he can absorb. Being prepared allows him to manage his circumstances whether he's fully knowledgeable of them or not. If you throw in a healthy amount of spirituality you have a warrior-king in your midst --- someone who is both just and strong as circumstance requires it of him. Regardless of what his appearance is, or what some outsiders perception may be, on the inside, it is the content of his character and the beauty of his soul that truly determine who he is.

Welcome to AP Manhood, meaning Advanced Placement Manhood. There's plenty of Manhood 101 circulating around the Internet and it is absolutely necessary. But everybody is required to take a 101 course. Only a select few make it to the AP class and then survive once they get there.

Stay tuned for my take on Advanced Placement Manhood. Some of it may seem elementary, but sometimes it is the simplest of ideas and theories that are hardest to apply. Hopefully we can get a nice conversation going over the course of this month.

Be well. Be blessed. Be strong. Be powerful. Be informed.


E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.