There was a shooting at my son's high school yesterday. The student who brought the gun to school accidentally shot themselves and it ended right there (a la Plaxico Burress). The rumor is the person had it on their person to protect themselves from some beef brewing in their life and not to attack someone else. It happened first thing in the morning and my son asked to come home. We obliged, and another parent who is a friend of the family signed him out and brought him home.

It was a stupid incident, as stupid and senseless as all of these school incidents are. Luckily, this time only the "shooter" was injured and thankfully, their injuries aren't life threatening. It touched me today. It was too close to home. Just as close if not closer than when Trayvon Martin was killed last year. If I could pull him out of there I would, but where would I send him?

Individual Crudites

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Last night I did the unthinkable and definitely unimaginable...

I touched up my daughter's blowout with her brush and hair dryer doing my best to remember how Mom does it and then I did what mom doesn't always do...I wrapped it. Admittedly, this didn't go so well. Call it a lack of skill, preparation and bobby pins. Then hair was everywhere. However at one point while I was straightening up the mess I made, my daughter loudly said, "Daddy you're doing good!" I smiled. This isn't the first time I've been home alone, nor is it my first time doing her hair. Regardless my little girl is way kinder than any kindness I've ever deserved.

*Sigh.*

It's the little things that make the world go 'round.

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I am home alone with the kids until Saturday and the Mister Payne household is already kicking into high gear. Yesterday the son took out and the trash and washed the dishes without having to be asked. My daughter has yet to throw a temper tantrum. The downstairs is spotless after a full meal (not takeout). Dinner has been planned for the week and lunch is made for tomorrow. We're talking but it's quiet and I may actually get to bed before midnight for the first time in months. Yesss (in Napoleon Dynamite voice)!

Nothing against my wife, but the kids are way more rowdy when it is the two of us. Maybe they are playing off the two of us? Maybe my wife's energy overpowers my typically mellow disposition? I'm not sure but it happens whenever she goes out of town --- the kids listen and the house runs like a smooth sailing ship.

How about in your house? Do the kids act differently when it is just one or both of you?

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I think I'm just getting too old...

This morning I woke up and set up Valentine's Day presents around the house for my wife and two kids. I did this this morning because I wanted them to wake up to this. To bring a smile to their faces. To carry whatever warmth my gifts might bring, with them through the day, as life does it's best to wear you down from sunup to sundown.

Out of the three of them only my daughter went through her gifts. Yes, it caused her to run a little behind for school but she knew what she got and thanked us for the gifts. She took the card I gave her and read it in the car again and again until she had sounded out all the big words and was saying them easily. And then when we walked into her school she happily went into her day and joined the ranks of screaming kids passing out candy. This morning, my son had the same amount of time on his hands as my daughter. When I pointed out his gifts, just gifts, that had nothing to do with Valentine's Day (he's a teen boy, after all) he grunted, took the peanut butter cups and left the rest sitting exactly where it was. I asked my wife if she opened her gifts and she said she had had no time and that she will open them this evening.

Such is life. I don't believe my good intentions were wasted. I gave in the spirit of giving. I'm only slightly saddened that neither of them took the time to receive what I hope is my good cheer. Many, including my wife, would argue that Valentine's Day is a silly day. But it's an opportunity (aside from all the retail gluttony) to show and share your love. But I've been guilty of doing the same myself from time to time. Not having enough time. Being focused on the requests of strangers. Making sure I get everything I need to get done outside home until I'm so drained I don't have the emotional capacity to acknowledge what going on in my home. But ultimately it's the little things that give you the strength to combat the big things. Today I will take a page from my daughter's book and try to focus on the little, happy, silly things that make the world go 'round.

Happy Valentine's Day.

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When I was growing up, Black History was an everyday experience.

Miles Davis

How many times have you heard that before?

Well the truth of it is that I come from artistic DNA. Whether it is food, carpentry, photography, sculpting... the list is actually endless. My point is we show and tell rather than just tell. Notable figures in Black & American History line the walls of my parents' home and my old bedroom. So I saw it and learned it everyday. Not just in February or at school.

Coming into February I wracked my brains over what could I share that was any different or more meaningful for Black History Month here on the blog. Then it dawned on me that I have Pinterest now. Although it was around last year, I wasn't using it then.

For Black History Month and beyond please visit my Black History Board on Pinterest, I'd love your thoughts and feedback. I plan continually updating it so that it is a repository of history that stretches beyond a mere 28 days in February.

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Thoughts? Please, let me know in the Facebook or Disqus comment sections below.

Kind of like a child, five snuck up on me pretty quickly. But unlike a child, my blog doesn't sit around reminding me how old it will be or badger me with a never ending list of gifts it wants for turning one year older. But it might be kind of cool if it did, because I simply can't remember much of my life before my wife and kids.

Five years ago today I wrote my first post here at Makes Me Wanna Holler. Back then it was called Manchild In The Promised Land and it had a very hard to remember web address. I wasn't writing about being a father or a husband. Instead I was concealing, via thoughtful blog posts how much I hated my commute, how lost and scared I felt marching into older adulthood and maybe most importantly how alone I felt in the world as an adult only child, a man who's friendships had succumbed to the busyness of marriages and family life and in one instance just an inexplicable departure of a friend. Looking back on these five years I know my wife didn't pick up on this or if she did, she mistook it for something else, assigning other names to my fears and my lack of expertise in dealing with them: selfishness and self-centeredness. I told the world I was writing to get a book deal, but I know better now. I needed someone to listen, even if it, my blog, said nothing back.

This blog very quickly evolved into a self-study of me that all of you, well seventeen of you back then  --- that I emailed whenever I wrote something, just happened to be privy to. You grew with me as this thing, this user-interface I've been opening up almost daily, was my couch and counselor helping me grow strong, to understand myself so that I can understand and speak to others. It has become my silent trainer, turning me into a writer I never dreamed I was capable of being. It has been my loudest advocate telling the world "Come look at this guy! Work with him!" It is my platform. Like Kevin Hart, who I recently saw in concert, it's my stage where I've got fire and I hold court, when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm waxing philosophical and when I'm angry. And in the last two years it has become what I always wanted it to be but could never truly share ---- a creator of opportunities. I've been laughed at. I've been branded a fool and a man without a plan because why would anyone dedicate so much time to something --- an alleged hobby --- that on it's face doesn't appear to be doing anything more than gaining me a self-serving crowd of Internet groupies --- male and female? Because first, it was never a hobby and second, somehow I knew without knowing that some good would come of all this. And my groupies aren't groupies at all, but people who just happen to need a good word from time to time. I think. I am humbled that they seek me for it.

After five years of me pouring words into this blog, this blog has begun to speak, no, shout, for itself. In the last month it has even taken on the role of provider. It is my testament that a man can try, and keep trying, and keep trying, develop a love and appreciation for the journey --- even during the worst of times --- and start getting it right. It is my love letter to my kids. It is my owner's manual on adult manhood for my son. It is my guidebook for my daughter on how a man should treat a woman and some insight on understanding him so she maybe won't be so quick to judge when dealing with someone she loves and worse, act on those judgments. It is proof to my wife that I've always put the needs of my family and her needs, first. I had a master plan or the Master had a plan that not even I believed totally.

I can't say that  MMWH.com will see ten. If I'm still writing the same old same old for ten years straight then I'm doing something wrong. Eventually both my kids will be gone and even if I have another one, you all know what I'm going to do. Maybe in six years you'll be watching the Makes Me Wanna Holler Show or made for TV movie or webisodes. I don't know. I haven't gotten there yet. Or have I?

I'm glad I heeded the heavenly nudge to continue this on the oh so many days when I just wanted to quit. What I can say is, "Happy Birthday" to my therapist, my testimony, my trainer, my advocate, my platform, my door-opener, my virtual baby, my friend, my blog. I can also say, "Thank you!" for it has truly been a blessing.

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I spend a lot of my time talking with my daughter. She is still young enough to provide a fresh perspective on life that is free from the framing of a news outlet or a political agenda.

So yesterday when we got into a conversation about slavery --- presumably because her school is celebrating Black History Month, she asked me, "Why did they do that? Why were those people so mean to them just because they didn't have the same skin as they did?"

Her question was so impassioned it sounded more like a plea --- Daddy, please tell me how this could have happened?

The scene at Macy's, Lennox Square on February 2, 2013. And yes, that is a kid chef with Chef, Marcus Samuelsson.

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Blogging, consistently and passionately, sometimes will create opportunities for growth that you simply can't forsee. Don't ever let anyone tell you you're crazy for doing something that either a) they don't understand, or b) they aren't brave enough to do themselves. On February 9, 2013 MakesMeWannaHoller.com will be five years old. The amount of skepticism I've endured because I blog (particularly while I was looking for employment) was downright unbearable at times. By the grace of God I never gave up, kept at it and am able to share the following good news:

THIS THURSDAY, February 7, 2013, two days before my blog turns five, I'll be live on CNN Headline News as a WEEKLY contributor for a groundbreaking new daily news show covering what's currently trending and what people are talking about around parenting and marriage and quite a few other things. It's called Raising America. It launched this past Monday and has been keeping viewers tuned in on TV and Twitter (kudos to @WebAnna of their social media team).

I was shocked to silence two weeks ago when the request came. At first, I didn't even believe it was true as this wasn't something I was even trying to do (this year). When I asked one of the producers why was I being selected for the show, her answer was short and to the point: "Because you have a great blog!"



I am humbled by this and hope you will tune in at noon on Thursday, February 7. If you have cable (you will need to log on via your cable provider login) you can also watch Headline News live from your computer.

See you at noon, Eastern Standard Time.

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At nearly 8 million views I am clearly late to this party. The story of my life these days. I'm not a car, I'm an eighteen wheeler. All my many wheels are spinning in different directions. Some of them are even twirling like tops.

But I digress...

My first viewing of the video was while I was in church this past Sunday. The service revolved around getting out there and doing something for your community. They played this and my heart was warmed.



"If Michael Jordan had quit, there'd be no Space Jam."

Priceless.

Don't be boring.

Don't give up.

Have fun.

Make it happen.

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My Tuesday went sideways when I received a call from my daughter's school 40 minutes after arriving to work. I packed up my desk, walked rout the door and drove 30 miles right back to where I had just dropped her off. I collected my sick and weary child, took her out to lunch and drove back to work to make a meeting I was running.

I expected my Wednesday evening to be a mellow one once I got home from work, taking turns with my wife who opted to keep her home from school and work from home. Instead I never went to sleep, staying up all night watching over her as she struggled to sleep despite all that was paining her.

Today I just knew she'd be better, and looked forward to tearing through my to-do list. Instead she began to fade almost immediately after waking up. I called her doctor every hour on the hour from 11am to 3pm until we had an appointment at 5pm. She got a couple of shots, more meds than I'd care for her to have and is on the mend. We celebrated at Wendy's. Now she's asleep and I'm still awake, trying to take inventory of all that I was supposed to do today. But you know what? All that stuff can take a back seat or suck and egg as us old folks used to say when we were young'ns. I wouldn't trade being a father for anything in the world. My job as caretaker of my kids is the best job I've ever had...and then some. I'm sure there's plenty of people who disagree, but I wouldn't have it any other way. In good times and bad I've been blessed by the experience - It all Makes Me Wanna Holler!

We're talking about this on Facebook too!

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Looking to take your Superbowl party specialties a thousand notches higher? Do you live in the Greater Metro Atlanta area? If so, you can score winning recipes from Macy's and Culinary Council Chef, Marcus Samuelsson on February 2 in Atlanta. I'll be there. Stop by and say hello if you come out!

From Macy’s:

Celebrate the big game with scrumptious, savory bites by Marcus Samuelsson! He'll share the secrets of creating appetizers and dishes the whole gang will love. So, whether you're serving up a party feast or watching the game with a few friends, you'll be sure to please everyone.

Event Details:

• Saturday, February 2, 2013 at 2pm
• Macy's Lenox Square
• Home Department, Level 3
• Atlanta, Georgia

And while you're here, receive a $10 gift card and a copy of the Macy's Culinary Council Thanksgiving and Holiday Cookbook- signed by Chef Samuelsson- with any purchase of $35 or more in the Home Department.