Last night I was invited to see a slice of life as a rider...a Harley-Davidson Rider that is. What did I learn that I kind of already knew? That African Americans ride and have always been riding Harleys, which is counter to the popular belief of most --- both majority and minority.

Check out this video documenting some modern day African Americans and their love affairs with Harley-Davidson motorcycles:



And then there's me on a Fat Boy-Lo, complete with black powder-coated pipes...SWEET! (The bike, not me).

The wife claims she'll kill me if I come home with one of these...

To learn more visit Harley-Davidson.

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I blog and I delve quite heavily into social media. I insist on balancing my real life with my virtual world and enjoy being unplugged. All the same it needs to be said that since the smartphone revolution I've remained out of the fray with useless devices that simply make and take calls. A couple years back I entered the game with probably one of the worst performing phones ever dreamed up. Ironically it was made by one of the companies that originated handheld aka "palm" computing. Yes, the company I'm talking about is Palm and the phone of which I speak is the Palm Pre Plus.

Well...no more! Check out the video below.

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A Grown Man's Drawer

No way I was providing a "Before" picture...

When I was a child I thought and acted like a child...

But now that I am a man I put away childish things... or something like that...

Rather than continue to complain that I only have one drawer in my bathroom built for two people...

Rather than roll my eyes and curse quietly to myself because when I opened my drawer I couldn't find anything I wanted and then couldn't close it back...

Rather than ask that people (the wife) respect my property, I decided to get even...

"We can do this the easy way or the hard way..."

This line has been spoken in countless guy/action movies. The statement conveys the obvious: Choose the path of least resistance or choose otherwise and suffer. It is a threat issued with civility. We all watch sitting on the edge of our seats knowing that when threatened the good guy or bad guy will always choose the hard way. Our heart races as we watch the good guy prevail or the bad guy go down...

Navy Pier at Sunset. Eric Payne © 2011. All Rights Reserved

Tickets for Baby Girl & I for a Lake Michigan Boat Ride: $40

Dinner with views of the Lakeshore at Chango Loco at Navy Pier: $30

Temperature on Lake Michigan: Freezing

Wednesday Night Fireworks on the Lake during boat ride: Spectacular

Whispering in my daughter's ear, "We are on a date," and she responding, "I know, Dad.": PRICELESS

Being out on the town for the evening with two other fathers doing the exactly as I was in the name of hanging and doing something with our kids at the same time: Simply Unforgettable...


I'm the author of DAD: As Easy As A, B, C! - 26 Dos & Don'ts for Fathers. Click here for my story and the origin of Makes Me Wanna Holler. Do you Tweet? Follow EPayneTheDad on Twitter. Live on Facebook? Like Makes Me Wanna Holler on Facebook.

I've been bad. I've been neglecting the blog. Last week, I told you all I would post a few things this week. But I only managed to post about my newest book on fatherhood.

It's been a tough week...

Besides my own personal war to stay positive and faithful and strong for my family in the face of our currently financial crisis. I released the book and was fortunate to be interviewed on an internet radio show. but, my daughter took ill in the midst of all this to the point of wheezing and being short of breath. As an allergy sufferer who has experienced bronchitis and allergy induced asthma attacks, I take not being able to breathe personally. I take a child not being able to breathe as being some sinister curse from the powers of evil. My child not being able to breathe...let's just say I wasn't the most pleasant person to be around while we got her all fixed up. Plus, the fiasco that was her initial doctor's visit was...well a fiasco. The story will have to be put in queue behind my Father's Day Fiasco.

Now my little one is all fixed up and a day later her brother high tailed it out of the ATL for our native New York to spend the rest of the summer with his grandpa. But he isn't going to party (only), he's got a job there. So there was a whole lot of last minute running around for working papers, physicals and the like bhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifecause why on Earth would a teen be concerned enough about themselves to make sure their ducks are all lined up? But he's a teen and I understand this.

Not to mention my car is in the shop and I'm almost scared to find out what's wrong with it.

In an effort to provide myself with some therapy I went to see Transformers: Dark Side of The Moon...AWESOME! I also treated myself and the family to some well deserved Chinese food. Then propped myself up at a Mashable Meetup event and did my best to network when all I wanted to do is sleep --- something I haven't been doing.

Point is, this was a week that required me to shift gears repeatedly to get the job done. And the one thing that will always suffer when I've got real stuff to do is...this blog.

But in looking at this blog, the content is current and relevant but it is need of some dire maintenance. Thank God it's the 4th of July weekend and hopefully all of you will be outside enjoying your families, or at least some good food and drink. Hopefully next Tuesday or Wednesday when you all return to your desktops and laptops you'll notice some very subtle, but very necessary changes here and on the social networking sites that have evolved from here.

Have a wonderful, safe and Happy Fourth!

E.Payne is the author of DAD: As Easy As A, B, C! and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

Becoming a father is EASY. Elevating your experience to that of DAD is something else entirely.



It isn't easy and sometimes it might not even be considered enjoyable, but it isn't written anywhere that it should be. But no matter what, for the sake of your family and our collective communities at large, it's 100% worth it. Dig in! Stay in!

DAD: As Easy As A, B, C! will be hitting Amazon.com Kindle store on Tuesday, June 21st. In the meantime please enjoy the first 25 pages posted below.

Thank you and Happy Father's Day!!!

DAD: As Easy As A, B, C!

E.Payne is the author of the soon to be released DAD: As Easy As A, B, C! and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

As I was driving my littlest one to camp this morning the following came to me:

• I will prevail against all that seeks to prevail against me.
• I will not quit. I cannot quit.
• I will never give up.
• I will seek the high road during my struggles and quickly adjust when I find myself on the low road.
• I will be at peace.
• Nothing and no one will take my joy.I will have joy in my heart and in my life.
  
• The Lord is my shepherd.
• I will do what is necessary to succeed even if that means removing "I" from the equation.
• I will not complain about being tired but will instead look forward to the day that I can sleep late. And if I can't, I'll keep working until I can.

I'm putting this up on my bathroom mirror alongside Psalm 23 to read aloud and repeat as many times as I must to keep my head about me when all about me are losing theirs and blaming it on me.

I hope you'll do the same.

Do you have a favorite saying that helps to keep you sane? Please share in the comments section below.

E.Payne is the author of the soon to be released DAD: As Easy As A, B, C! and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

I rarely talk about my wants or needs to anyone. I got in the habit of maintaining this secrecy while in college. "Better to not talk about what you want and if it doesn't happen no one is the wiser, versus telling everybody your business and being judged if you don't make the mark," one of my fraternity brothers used to tell me constantly until it was permanently hammered into my psyche. So strong has this mantra become that I don't even share my wants with my wife (a no-no). In foresight and hindsight it is a mistake for the simple reason that no one around me is a mind reader. No one can know without me telling them what I want and need. As a result I don't have the right to be mad or sullen when I believe someone is getting in the way of what I want (something I'm good for) when that person doesn't even know what's going on in my head. I do believe this is a me thing. But I'm also inclined to believe it is a Man thing and I definitely believe it is a Dad thing. It's my job to take care of everyone else, or at least seeing to it that everyone else's needs are being met. Although I'm a priority (in my own mind) I don't make myself a priority in the lives of those around me. That's not my job. I'm not their problem. And they in turn have come to believe the same. I have fallen into the ranks of countless men who through lack of communication have become needlessly secretive and a mystery for no reason.

Well thank God for church and people who are smarter and better than me. This past Thursday I watched the Eastern Conference Finals with good friend, Ross Oscar Knight, who in my humble opinion is a master when it comes to self-management, and this past Sunday I went to church where I walked into a sermon called "Eric I'm About To Tell You About Yourself!" ---well not really but it might as well have been called this. I left both experiences thinking differently about myself and what I do to cause the problems that exist in my life.

I have wants and goals but I never make them plain so without further introduction and in no particular order:

As far as what is reasonable this is what swirls around in my head most days but never crosses my lips. Stay tuned, pray for me as I pursue these wants and goals. I'm counting on God for these things but I know He is counting on me to act to make them happen.

If you're a man, dad and husband or just a man and a dad or just a man, and you happen to find yourself in the same predicament, I suggest you find a place to write down your goals also. To get the ball rolling, to get the wheels of change moving, to have something to shoot for.

E.Payne is the author of the soon to be released DAD: As Easy As A, B, C! and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

I saw this quote this morning over at the Real Dads Network Facebook Page and said to myself, "That's my, Dad!" When I think back to my own childhood, I'm not sure that my father ever told me anything (other than what to do constantly). Other than helping me with homework he never lectured me on how to live. He didn't have to. I saw how he lived and was the recipient of the fruits of his labors and very isolated stumbles. And if I stepped out of line I knew what was coming next. And no matter how long I put off the inevitable, it inevitably came. Always.

I think in today's day and age the conversations need to be had because the very media that I'm using to communicate with you is having the ultimate impact of making our kids unimaginably tech savvy but becoming less and less intuitive when it comes to real world communication and sensory perception. (Especially when a kid is crossing the street against the light about to get run over by a semi-truck because his/her face is buried in a phone and they actually believe the truck needs to watch out for them). But c'est la vie. I can't and won't live in what once was. That's why I'm here now, and so are you. If you're DAD or MOM keep your game face on and keep those kids of yours from getting it twisted. As exhausting as it may be you gotta do it.

When you're done here pay a visit to the Real Dads Network's Facebook Page. This NYC based non-profit has as it's mission the positive promotion and support of fathers, married, unmarried and divorced. These guys have the premier Daddy-Daughter Dance popping off every Valentine's Day and they have a very impressive line-up of events the first week of June 2011 celebrating all things DAD. If you're looking for a great cause to support. This is it!


E.Payne is the author of the soon to be released DAD: As Easy As A, B, C! and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

Last week's insanity and one of the many reasons why I was absent on the blog...

For reasons that don't need to be discussed here I locked myself out of my home for the first time ever! Did I call the locksmith? No. Did I have the good sense to have a spare hidden somewhere? No. Did I make sure a neighbor had a key? No. But I did manage to enlist the help of neighbor, Olympic hurdler, Kim Batten, who suggests I borrow a ladder from someone.

I go from house to house until another neighbor answers and lends me his 12-foot ladder. I go to the back of my 3 story townhome hoping the windows on the back deck are unlocked - they aren't (good job family, seriously). My helper and 911-dialer Kim Batten holds the ladder steady a good five feet beneath the 1st floor deck. I look for a place to grab without getting a fistful of splinters and pull myself up onto the deck using only the deck slats. Then I'm trapped on the deck as everything is locked. But I see that my son's window is open. In a moment of crazed inspiration I instruct my assistant to hoist the ladder up to me. I decide to climb through the 3rd floor window. The only problem: the ladder doesn't reach but I am able to stretch from the top of the ladder (the part where you aren't supposed to stand) to pop the screen out. I drop the screen to the deck beneath me, say a quick prayer and jump to grab hold of the window ledge. Now hanging out of my sons window, legs dangling, more growling than breathing, I center myself, calm down and tell the gods I'm not dying today...

With nothing but my hands and arms I pull myself through my son's open window and pour myself into his room. I stand completely covered with dirt and dust, legs scratched to hell (I was wearing shorts) from dragging myself against the house and swollen as I don't know what from may have been the toughest real-world workout I've ever had in my life. Yeah, I'm one of those dudes who doesn't ask for directions when I'm lost either. Moral of the story: Have a set a spare keys at a neighbor's house (get to know your neighbors) and thank God I've been doing pull-ups for the past month at the gym.

Now everyone has keys to my home and as far as I'm concerned the pull-up is the exercise of the gods.

Bye Bye Backfat!

Photo Credit: United States Marine Corps Official Page

E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and DAD: As Easy As A, B, C! (coming soon). For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

On the news of the killing of Osama Bin Laden all I wanted to do was be in the place I consider my 2nd home after Chicago --- the city that made me a man --- my beloved NYC. Despite it's noise and it's grit and it's headaches there's no place like it anywhere. One thing is for sure, New Yorkers know how to come together when under duress. One thing most of us have in common is that we love, hate, are baffled by and then go right back to loving NYC some more. Below is one of my begrudging love stories for the city entitled, One Man's Grind, from my recently published Love Notes.

New York is a nightmare. Not because of the murder, crime or any other usual suspect, but because of its endless skyline, subway system, bridges, tunnels and millions of people. No one sane stands calmly pressed against strangers like chattel on overcrowded trains. No one with any sense jockeys mindlessly for space on sidewalks clogged with people. And only the silly would spend six dollars just to drive across a bridge that barely spans a mile. But everyday millions of people who believe they're normal entertain this madness and call it their commute to and from work. These are the gremlins, goblins and monsters that keep the nightmare alive— those who have everything, those who have nothing, and everyone in between.

My alarm clock goes off at 6:15am. I was awake long before it started screaming, hiding in vain beneath my comforter, dreading its obnoxious outburst.

I get out of bed and kneel at the side of it to pray.

"God forgive me for my sins…I am a sinner. Forgive me for not loving You as much as you love me. I try, but I fail constantly. I ask that you allow me to be a blessing in the life of at least one person today."

I stand, almost certain I won't.
My eyes are dry and full of sleep. In spite of this, I easily navigate the miniscule space of my home, even with the pre-dawn purple haze that remains settled on everything around me.

Soon the sun will be up and with it the day and the people.

The scalding hot water of my shower invigorates me. The air becomes warm and moist in my lungs. The water pricks my flesh then forms rivers and streams that run down the length of me to the drain. I stay here longer than usual before washing, trying to wake up. By the time I'm done I can't see for all the steam I've created. I shave at the sink, unable to see the mirror in front of me but not needing it. I'm used to the routine.

Dressed in clothes that cost too much, I ride the F Train to work. Most days feel like I'm on my way to the carnival with the carnival. I'm particularly skilled at picking the car with the singing panhandler who sounds like my drunk uncle at Christmas. Today this is especially true.

By the time I'm off the train and above ground, the scenery is no longer the residential green of my neighborhood in Queens. Skyscrapers form canyon walls around me, carving out concrete and metal chaos. People are swarming everywhere, walking with herd-like urgency without any prodding or shepherding. I find an opening and merge onto the sidewalk, moving on autopilot until I am safely inside the lobby of my building.

I say good morning to the security guard on duty. He tells me to have a good day.

By the time I reach my desk, I'm ready to go home. I sit down and sigh, not exactly sure what I do or why I do it. I began as a writer for a start-up Internet company. Now I manage a bunch of writers and read their writing all day long. I report what they do to my boss, a man obsessed with not realizing he made a mistake leaving an investment gig on Wall Street. His paranoia is contagious. I do my best to avoid it.

At the end of the day I go underground again to join the carnival headed to Queens. The sun has set when I emerge from city's bowels and I see green again. The roar of the cars and trucks along the Van Wyck Expressway soothes me as I walk to my building, anxious for the excessive heat that sizzles off the old radiators in my apartment.

I pass the mirrored walls of my building's lobby, ignoring my reflection and check my mailbox. It's a clutter of junk mail and bills except for one pink envelope. I look at the return address and my heartbeat accelerates. Not that I want it to.

I take the stairs two-at-a-time to the fifth floor, skipping the elevator. I burst into my home and only turn on one light. [To Be Continued]

Just so I don't bore you here on the blog you can read the rest by downloading your copy of Love Notes today. No Kindle? No problem. You can download one of the many free Kindle Apps to your mobile device and computer so you can finish this story and the rest told from the point of view of a man trying to make sense of it all.

Peace.

E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

If you hang out on my Facebook Page or opened the recent email I sent out to subscribers, you'll know I revealed that I'm currently penning an eBook on Fatherhood. It's a very short read that will be a combination guide and journal for fathers and the women that love them. Interestingly enough it has taken way longer than I anticipated to complete and I've been very dissatisfied with my (virtual)book cover until now.

Here it is in what should be in it's almost final version:





















If you like, please share in the comments and share amongst your social networks.

Thanks!

E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

Most if not all of you probably don't know that I've been home alone for the past 16 days. By Sunday it will be 18. Not literally sitting in my home by myself, but on the last day of March my wife boarded a plane headed for the Middle East and Europe for her Business School Externship.

While she's been gone I've:

• been to the DMV 3 times.
• been to traffic court where I was treated like a felon for an expired registration.
• traversed most of Georgia at least 8 times taking my son to basketball games.
• registered my daughter for multiple Kindergartens.
• had 2 job interviews.
• worked out nearly every day and lost 12 pound in the process.
• kept the kids comforted during a power outage.
• spit shined my home to museum standards.
• made 4 trips to a body shop making sure my wife's car was fixed properly (she was in a minor fender bender).
• landed one of the 2 jobs I've interviewed for and waiting to hear back from the other.
• sifted, sorted, shredded and resubmitted more paperwork than any sane man should ever have to.
• worked out at the gym with my son.
• slept an average 3 hours a night.
• set up a tutoring schedule for my son
• volunteered my usual 3 hours per week and added mentoring a young man in writing to my goodwill basket.
• put up new curtains and curtain rods.
  
• gotten both of my children up, dressed, fed and out of the house before 8 am.
• done my daughter's hair almost as well as mom does, including, washing, conditioning, oiling her scalp, detangling her hair (which now is to the small of her back) and braiding it
• taken my daughter bike riding everyday after school and on the weekends as weather permits.
• taken both kids on a picnic.
  
• cooked 5 out of the 7 days of the week.
• arranged 3 playdates with my daughter and her little friends.
• watched Inception 3 times (it wasn't that deep to me - I got it on the first watch).

The only thing I didn't manage to do was actually be in two places at the same time, though I tried. I was quite terrible at it.

Over the years my wife has traveled often but never for this long. And after this trip I will probably seriously insult the next woman who cracks a joke about me being Mr. Mom, or struggling with my kids when Mom isn't around because guess what? None of that is true. But I guess gender discrimination washes both ways.

No I'm not Mr. Mom, or "babysitting" my own damn kids, or frazzled or hanging on by a thread. Have I been tired? Yes. Have I had moments where I've been at wit's end? Definitely! Have I had any time to myself? Mostly after midnight when I can't leave the house and I'm delirious with fatigue. Have I ever once considered that I can't do this? Not even once. But, I don't have any newfound appreciation for what my wife does for two reasons: 1) I've always known the lengths that moms go to without thinking twice; and 2) my wife has never had parent alone and as long as I'm taking in air, she never will.

I'm DAD, doing what I'm supposed to be doing, doing it thanklessly, doing it because I love my kids, doing it because I was ordained to do so, doing it because I'm not a boy, doing it because it's my responsibility, doing it because I love doing it, doing it with my eyes closed, doing it in my sleep, waking up and just doing it, doing it and not thinking twice, doing it and doing it well.

I'm not some dude married to a woman that has my kids and then I "help out". I'm not just the guy who steps up when it's time to drive or pay a bill. I'm DAD in every sense of the word, and maybe even redefined. If my wife's trip showed me anything, it let me know just how far I'm willing to go to see to it that me and mine are taken care of. And how far is that?

As far as the eye can see.

I'm DAD. Period.

Photo Credit: The Welsh Poppy

E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

One of the challenges that has come with moving from a single level apartment to a home with three floors is contending with the bumps and creaks in the night. Like anything else standing, a house is a structure that carries the burden of the weight of itself. It's prone to a few moans and groans, cracks and pops. Aside from that, most of the knocks that go bump in the night are the ice maker in the refrigerator, a broom falling or my son dropping his cell phone on the floor because he's finally released his death grip on it in his sleep.

I know this and by now the wife should too, but without fail, at least once every two weeks the following occurs:

Wife(shaking me awake): "Did you hear that?"

Me: "Who are you?"

Wife (In her quietest screaming whisper): "Eric! Get up! I heard something."

Me: "Where am I?"

Wife(now elbowing me in my ribs): "Eric!"

Me: "The alarm is on, so we're fine."

Wife: "You're the man of the house! You have to go check."

At this point I am awake and my eyes are rolling around in my head. She always gets me with that "Man of the House" crap. I'm the Man of the House when it comes to going downstairs defenseless to get my head chopped off by Chuckie, but on most other Man of the House issues that arise under our roof my wife is beating her chest and burning her bra at every turn.

So as always I convince my body to move from beneath the sheets. I tiptoe down the stairs and walk around to find...nothing. But what would happen if I actually did find something? What if, God forbid, a monster attacked or a shot rang out, then what? Will my family all huddle in a closet and wait to meet their maker? Will they hide in the attic? Because it's not like the wife is right behind me with a meat cleaver backing me up, or down the hall on alert in front of the kids' rooms. She just lays there in the dark waiting to see if I return to bed. What makes more sense is for all of us to huddle by the alarm control panel in our room, behind the locked door and hit the panic button connected to the police station. But that's just me.

As always, I crawl back under the sheets and she asks what made the sound. Most times I tell her it's the icemaker when I know that it is. And other times when I don't know what knock or bump she heard in the night I still tell her it's the icemaker.

I don't plan on ever owning a gun, but maybe I should pick up a nice, solid Louisville Slugger to keep in my closet. That way I won't feel like I'm being ripped from sleep to be a human sacrifice because I'm the Man of The House.


E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

When I take my daughter to the store women stop us to tell her:

"My goodness your mother buys you the prettiest outfits!"

When I used to take my daughter to the sitter, my prized babysitter would say:

"Mommy does your hair beautifully!"

When talking to some annoying woman about some of my daughter's ailments she asked:

"What is she taking for for that. I mean, you wouldn't know. Please, ask your wife and let me know."

When my daughter used to bring her lunch to preschool, the program director would say:

"Ummm, Mommy packed you a nice lunch, didn't she?"

When dropping off roses to my daughter's teachers this year on Valentine's Day, one said:

"Tell your wife we said, 'Thank you,' for the flowers!"

When talking to one of my daughter's best friend's mothers (whom I speak with often) at her school where I drop her off everyday, she says to me:

"Okay...[she struggles to remember my name then acts as if she never intended to say it]...tell [my wife's name that she knows from memory] I said hello."

After braving rain, snow, sleet and hail to attend nearly every single game my son has played across three sports for years, what is his question after nearly every game?

"Where's Mom?"

Really? [as in the Windows Phone commercial, "Really?" - complete with crescendo]

The list does grow longer, but not by much.

Dads you get my drift.

Don't you?


E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

Just in case you haven't noticed there is a new video in the sidebar of this blog. It is the trailer for a documentary in which I had the honor of briefly appearing. Aside from me, the message is powerful, but more importantly, timely. There are men out there, good, honest, hardworking, loving, protective, responsible men!

Presenting the latest Tyler New Media production, Men Ain't Boys. Check it out and hopefully when it comes to your town you'll be in line at the theater to watch it.




E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

Over at Black And Married With Kids.com I authored the post 10 Things Wrong With You - In Your Marriage. In it I translate the leadership strategies of author Marshall Goldsmith to the marriage relationship and raise the notion that being good at what you do doesn't preclude being good at who you are...

In December of 2010 I wrote the post Why Can’t We Just Get Along. It was an open letter to all. A lamentation over the friction that exists between the sexes and within marriages. Hopefully those who were impacted by it were able to contemplate areas that they need to address. But it should not remain a mere contemplation.

What Got You Here Won’t Get You There is a business book that challenges successful leaders to become even more successful. The author, Marshall Goldsmith, wants to make his readers better. His main premise is in the title. My interpretation of it is as follows: You’ve gotten to where you are and that’s great. You’re a titan of the industry, but are you really as great as you think you are? Things have remained pretty steady for a while and they’re headed toward becoming stagnant. Your workers are uneasy. Morale is low. Although you are THE MAN (or THE WOMAN) nothing is changing. Why? Because what got you to this point isn’t going to take you to the finish line.

The same can be said for marriage. It is a corporate and cooperative experience, after all.

What’s Wrong With You?

In his book, Goldsmith identifies 20 bad habits that keep people from achieving real success in the workplace. Interestingly they are all interpersonal and behavioral rather than shortcomings in the area of skill or performance. In his words:

“They are egregious everyday annoyances that make your workplace substantial more noxious than it needs to be. They are transactional flaws performed by one person against others.”

Out of the 20 he lists, I’ve identified a “Top Ten” that play out in the marriage space.

To learn these Top Ten Bad Habits and read the rest of the article, visit 10 Things Wrong With You - In Your Marriage.


E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

As per my stats on GetGlue my house is a cartoon-watching household --- animation domination on full tilt. This is for two reasons: 1)I have 2 kids spaced 10 years apart who seem to agree on most cartoons they watch together; and 2)my wife and I are some cartoon watching grown folks who never stopped watching them from childhood.

One the absolute favorites around the house is The Incredibles. Released in 2004, my daughter recently got hooked on this movie. She now refuses to watch anything else. Here, every viewing for us is almost like watching it for the first time. But why wouldn't we? We live it every day.

Mr. Incredible/Bob Parr - His strength is immeasurable and he's seemingly physically invulnerable. His exaggerated shoulders and back are an illustration of the weight he carries: that of the world. But at times has the attention span of a flea. He reminisces about the good old days, but loves his family. He's the father and the husband.

Elastigirl/Helen Parr - Flexible isn't even the word to describe how agile and flexible this superhero is. She's poised and constantly focused on what needs to happen in the moment and in the next. She's ferociously protective of her kids. She keeps her man Mr. Incredible in line (often to his chagrin) and gives him the love and support he needs to thrive. She is the mom and the wife.

Violet Parr - The teenage daughter of the Incredibles has the ability to disappear and throw up force fields at will. She's shy, awkward and often unsure of herself and where she fits in the world. Sounds like most teenagers...

Dashiel "Dash" Parr - The little brother. A hot ball of energy who is moving a mile a minute. On in the case of this young man he's so fast he can run on water. He antagonizes his older sibling to no end and drives his mother up the wall at times. Anyone who owns a preschooler - grammar school student knows this all too well.

Jack Jack - the baby. At all appearances he is "normal" possessing no powers at all. But at the critical moment at the movie's end when he gets upset we see the full breadth of his capabilities. He morphs into a screaming fireball to a possessed demon to a lead weight. The parallels don't get any more obvious.

According to these characters most families are incredible. And maybe they are. Although I'm sure most haven't seen The Incredibles as many times as the members of my family and myself have. I'm not sure I've met anyone who can honestly say they didn't enjoy the movie. Can you?



E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown and I Didn't Invented Sex. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

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SPOILER ALERT: If you watch SOUTHLAND and DID NOT see this week's episode click below if you want to read more!

From the flashforward scene at the beginning of this week's episode I was absolutely sick. Based on the type of character Sammy is and based on what he's currently going through with his wife there's only one person that could cause him to break down into tears. I saw all the blood on his shoulder that had changed from red to maroon due to oxidation. Then I heard the blood-curdling scream. The scream that comes when a loved one is gone. A scream that only a woman can deliver. I heard that scream from my mother many times myself as a youngster when members of my family died --- either by natural or unnatural causes. It comes with the territory when you have a large family. Unfortunately.

I knew from the beginning of the episode that Detective Nate Moretta was dead. But I suffered through the hour to see how it happened. Everything about the episode was wrong. There was a very unpleasant telling detail that kept repeating itself. The camera caught Nate repeatedly looking over his shoulder. Then finally when he needed to watch his back he didn't. It was an minor oversight that cost him his life.

His murder was unexpected, sudden and brutal. Five minutes earlier no one could have ever predicted or anticipated it. And now everyone on the show and all of us watching at home are left behind to pick up the pieces and make sense of the insanity.

As I watched my heart banged against my ribs. I was practically out of breath and at the sound of the blood curdling scream at the end of the episode, now put into perspective. I shed a tear or two. He was a father and a husband, trying to do the right thing. He knew how to speak to people and seemed to have what was necessary to keep his emotionally unstable partner from becoming completely unglued. But he was a detective and sadly, violence doesn't pick and choose. It doesn't go after the bad cops and spare the good ones. Usually the opposite is the case. And what took years to build: a life --- was gone in an instant.

What If I Don't Make It Back Home?
There isn't a day when I don't leave my house that I don't wonder for at least one second, What if I don't make it back home? I usually say a quick prayer and keep it moving. But the more I stack my chips --- the more I grow as a Man, the more I learn as a Dad, the more I realize as a Husband --- the more I gain wisdom and knowledge of the world, the more cognizant I become of my mortality. Usually, it works the other way around. But not for me.

Fear of the unknown causes paralysis and none of us should allow this to occur. So I will continue to live my life despite the grays that are overtaking my goatee and the daily peril I notice now more than I probably did a decade ago. And I will continue to watch Southland to see what happens next. If you're not on to this excellent cop/detective drama, you need to be. I won't go so far as to say it's the next Wire. But it definitely has a similar hold on my attention.

If you have 'em, feel free to share your thoughts on this week's episode of Southland below.

E.Payne is the author of Investing In An Emotional Letdown. For the past 3 years he has posted 600+ articles about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between here at Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. To learn more, click here.

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